Page 16 of Gua rdian of Blood and Shadow

Micah narrowed his eyes. “Gross.” He turned his attention to the pizzas laid out before us, selecting a few slices of his own—none with pineapple.

“How’re your shoulders?” I asked. If I hadn’t seen the shifter dig its claws into him myself, I never would have believed he had been so gravely injured just a few days earlier.

Micah shrugged, chewing fast and swallowing. “Good as new. Magic potions are sweet. Way better than drugs.” He took another bite, speaking around the food. “Could give big pharma a run for their money.”

“For real,” I said between bites.

The normalcy of eating pizza with Micah grounded me. For a moment, I could pretend we were back on campus, sharing a bite during a tutoring session. Micah’s presence was a balm, his easy acceptance of all the craziness of this situation inspiring me to get a grip on my flailing emotions. If he could handle having his world turned upside down and being thrust into the middle of a war between immortal Houses he hadn’t even known existed a few days ago, I could handle Javier’s thirst for vengeance. And the pressure to master my powers. All while I found a way to rescue Gavin and the queens. And protect my son. And avert the apocalypse and drive back the Shadow King.

I chewed mechanically, no longer tasting the sweet and savory flavors of the Hawaiian pizza.

Micah left his last slice of pizza untouched on his lap and stared at the unlit fireplace. “The last few days have been pretty intense.”

I snorted softly and swallowed the bite in my mouth, feeling like an asshole when my first thoughts of how intense the last few days had been were about me and not him. Maybe it wasn’t that he was handling this all so well, but just that he was better than me at hiding his inner freak-out.

“How are you doing?” I looked around the sitting room, like it represented the insanity of the immortal world. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I, well—” Micah set his plate on the coffee table and faced me, angling his knees toward me, his expression pensive. “I’ve been thinking…” He paused, licking his lips nervously. “What if you turned me? Made me an undead vampire sooner rather than later? Like,nowsoon.”

10

Mystomachturnedleaden,and I froze, my half-eaten slice of pizza forgotten in my hand. “Micah, I don’t think—”

He held up a hand to stall my objection. “Just hear me out,” he said, leaning forward intently. “After what happened with that shifter, when I got hurt—”

I flinched at the memory of his blood-soaked sweatshirt, the deep gashes in his shoulders. The fear that had gripped me, thinking I might lose him too, had been overwhelming.

Micah let out a breathy laugh and shook out his hands. “I don’t really have a choice here, Soph. If I go back home, I’m going with a target on my back and I’m putting my family in danger, so I can’t do that. I get it. I’ll stay here. But here, I’m like—I don’t know.” He shook his head, clearly searching for the right words to make me understand. “You know the proverbial bull in a china shop?”

I nodded woodenly.

“It’s like the opposite of that,” he said. “I’m like a china cup in a bull shop, which doesn’t make any sense, but you get the idea.” He laughed hollowly. “I may not be the target here, but my chances of being collateral damage have increased exponentially.”

He ran a hand through his dark curls, the gesture so eerily reminiscent of Wes that an ache lanced through my chest.

My head started to shake, slowly and seemingly all on its own.

“If I was a vampire,” Micah continued, talking faster to forestall my refusal. “I’d be stronger, faster, harder to kill. I could defend myself better, Soph. I could defendyoubetter.”

“No.” The word came out harsher than I had intended, and Micah blinked, taken aback by my vehemence. I set my plate down a little too hard on the coffee table, my appetite vanishing. “Micah, I can’t—” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re too young—”

“I’m older than you were when you had me,” he retorted, a note of frustration in his voice. “If you were old enough to decide to have a kid—”

I spluttered, “I didn’tdecideto have a kid!”

“—and bring a whole new life into the world, I should at least be old enough to choose what to do with myowndamn life.”

“It’s too dangerous!” I snapped, the frayed edges of my self-control unraveling. “The First Rite is risky, even for a fully trained queen, and—newsflash—I’m not that. I have no idea what I’m doing 90 percent of the time, and everyone expects me to just figure it out.”

I stood abruptly, stepping around the coffee table to pace in front of the fireplace. “Gavin’s a prisoner of the shifters, Javier wants to smite everyone who’s ever hurt me, and I’ve had to move back into the house where my entire family was slaughtered…which my dead boyfriend is now haunting. And let’s not forget the teensy-weensy detail of the fucking apocalypse hanging over our heads.”

“Wait, what?” Micah blurted, standing.

I laughed bitterly, a hint of mania to the sound. “The literal king of demons is trying to break through to our world and enslave or kill us all, and apparently, I’m the only one who the goddess will communicate with to stop him. Me! The untrained queen who can only access her magic by accident!”

“Stop, Sophie.” Micah planted himself in front of me and gripped my shoulders to hold me in place. “Just stop for a sec. Take a breath, okay?”

Tears burned my eyes, hot and bitter, and I dragged in a ragged inhale. “I’m drowning, Micah. I’m scared all the time, scared of failing, of losing everyone I care about. I can’t—I can’t lose you too. Especially if I’m to blame, because I fucked up the transformation and killed you!”

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