Page 49 of Shâhzâdeh

“When I find out, I’ll be more zhan happy to let you know.”

VANYA

DAYS LIKE TODAY, I wished I were a snake.

And not in the sense of being a shitty person who would cut anyone to get their way. Although had I been tougher in a past life, I wouldn’t be suffering so much in this one. No, I wanted to be the reptile. Shed the skin of who I was currently and take on a different form. Molt and shed what no longer served me and evolve into something… more.

My shoulders were tense and nothing I did relieved the stress I was under. I felt as though my brain was going to crack open like an egg if one more issue cropped up.

Call my ass Humpty Dumpty.

A quick knock on the door caused my body to go on high alert and I was too scared to even say come in. My breathing increased especially when I heard voices on the other side get louder. The desire to hide under my desk like a child and pretend the world away was clawing at me but fear kept me paralyzed. My body flashed hot then icy cold and the temperatures were battling with each other instead of canceling one another out. I could feel the panic of what was to come keep me rooted to the floor unable to move. The only thing that I could do was to close my eyes so that I didn’t see the danger coming. It always seemed to hurt less when I couldn’t see the pain heading my way.

“Breathe,ziba.I might not be your favorite person, but your mind knows I would never harm you. Let yourself feel zhe safety my presence provides alzough you would deny it until your last breath.”

Damn him. Damn me for how my body instantaneously relaxed when it heard his voice. Xerxes’ words soothed my panic, and as he breathed with me, I could focus on the sound of his breath and ignore the rapid pace of my own. Soon enough, our breathing was in sync and my heart calmed down.

Despite my embarrassment, I opened my eyes to face the man I would never be able to shake. Even though my pride wanted me to. He was consuming in his presence, and I’d experienced that type of personality before. But I knew that he wouldn’t be the same type of man. His consumption would be one where I could still be me. To grow and thrive without fear of shining too brightly because he was more than confident within himself to be intimidated by my success. But the process, the chance that my trust was going to be abused again kept my mind paralyzed from accepting everything he offered.

The warmest of brown eyes were staring back at me. They were a mix of brown but would lighten to a burnished gold whenever they looked at me. It made his features softer to me, but he still looked every inch an indescribably handsome but equally dangerous man.

“I’m so sorry.”

A teasing glint was in his eyes at my apology. “Would you like to elaborate or should I assume it is not any of my business?”

“Since that night you had him meet us, he’s been harassing me. The phone calls have just gotten out of hands.”

“Is he zhreatening you?” The teasing glint was gone, replaced by the hardness I’d seen all too often.

“It’s not a threat if he will deliver on it.” I wasn’t concerned about him spreading more rumors about me, but my ex had been threatening to go to the Real Estate Commission about my relationship with Xerxes. I knew if asked that Xerxes wouldn’t deny that he wanted me and I felt like it may lend validity to what they’d been telling people.

“May I ask why zhere is no paperwork on him by you?”

“How do you know there isn’t?” He smiled slyly and I knew he’d done more than enough research on me by the way he smirked. “Stupid question.”

“Not stupid. You are coming down from a hyperemotional response to trauma. It is normal for you to not immediately be as zhorough in your analysis as you would normally be.”

I blinked rapidly, almost as though I were waiting on him to say something disparaging. He only stood there as though he were awaiting the acknowledgment of his words.

“Thank you.”

“For being truzful?”

“For not being mean.”

“I promise you, ziba, that is the one thing I will never be toward you. I’m a Black Persian man. Both cultures, when left untainted by chauvinism and white supremacist ideology value zheir partners above all. Despite zhe way you run from me, you know what we are to one another. I’m simply waiting on you to unearth what you know is true deep in your heart.”

“You seem so sure.” I bit my lip, partially in hopes of him affirming this and the other part wanting him to deny it so I could go about my merry way. Well, maybe not merry.

“I can be sure enough for the both of us for now. I would never harm you. If I may ask, what had you so worried now?”

“Despite getting away, there always that part of you that niggles at the back of your mind about what if they’re right, you know?”

“I understand zhat zhe brain can be a tricky zhing, moving from friend to foe in an instant. But the zhings your brain says are all hearsay. Nozing rooted in fact.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Because, I’ve seen you. At work. Wiz our friends, when your zhoughts consume you. No matter zhe situation, you are a light, Vanya. A light zhat wants to protect and warm zhose she loves and set zhose who dare disturb her peace ablaze.”

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