Page 139 of Shâhzâdeh

She looked around nervously, not meeting my eye before she boldly looked up. “Can we talk about… about earlier?”

I took a step back and held out my hand, welcoming her into my office. “Is here okay or do you want to go into another room?”

“Here is fine.”

She took measured steps into the room, the white silk gown almost trailing down to the floor. The gossamer thin material showcased the outline of her body and my brain battled my dick to have some decorum, since this topic was too sensitive. It didn’t help, though. The sight of Vanya’s face made him act up, but her body? It was a wrap as I felt him press against the front of my pajama pants. I was wondering if I should adjust my shit or not but that decision was taken away from me when she turned abruptly. Her eyes went down to the bulge and I saw that worry come back over her face.

“Vanya, I might not understand all zhat you have been zhrough but I need you to understand this. My dick will never be used as a weapon against you. It pains me zhat you are so jaded at zhe zhought of intimacy because someone abused you and your trust. But I promise you, on my life, I will never harm you that way. And if you do not believe me, call your new favorite person and ask her. She would surely see me wizout it before she allowed me to use it to harm anyone.”

The thought of my mother cutting my dick off brought a smile to Vanya’s face. I once again praised Allah for granting me the mother I had. She was still putting in that maternal work despite having a son as grown as I was.

“Maman Babette told me that if you stepped one foot wrong she would put you in your place.”

“A zhreat I assure you that she would not hesitate to act upon. Everyone grossly underestimates zhe deadliness of my mozer. Much to zheir detriment.”

“I don’t know if I will ever be that way.”

I lifted her chin so that she had to face me. “You walked away from everyzing zhat held you back. You faced your fears and the people who instilled zhem in you. Instead of giving in, you broke free. So many live in the fear daily and never escape. Some internalize it and then lash out at others. But not you. You believed enough in yourself to break free. Zhere is nozing else more bad ass than that.”

She smiled softly and I could see the blush infuse into her cheeks. “Thank you. I need to believe that about myself.”

“Zhen I will remind you everyday. Your confidence has been eroded by people who see your strength and want you to feel smaller because zhey are afraid of you. Afraid of you being too powerful. But now you no longer carry zhe burden of zheir inadequacies. So continue to zhrive the way you should’ve been allowed to from zhe beginning.” I pressed a kiss to the back of her hand allowing my lips to linger on her pink sugar scented skin. Slowly I released it allowing it to rest by her hip.

My eyes traveled up her form again until I reached her face. As much as I desired, I wouldn’t allow my eyes to rest upon her body in a way that could be misinterpreted. She needed my comfort and I was more than happy to provide it.

“I’m sorry for all the times I thought you were a bad man. I’ve known bad men before and you’re nothing like them.”

I could only chuckle at her confession because my wife needed to remember who she married. “Vanya, I killed a man in your living room. I’m far more understanding at how zhat might make you zhink I’m a bad man.”

“But you did it to protect me and I was ungrateful. For that I apologize. I understand that you all… you all only hurt to protect and that is an instinct I can understand completely. The desire to defend those and those you love. I haven’t experienced it until now and I am not going to see it as anything but a blessing.”

“So if I were to say… eradicate everyone in your past that harmed you, that would be an idea amenable to you?”

“Xerxes.” Her face was blank as though she knew I was being serious but was unsure of what her answer should be. I smoothed the silk of her gown beneath my hands to ease my words.

“People who zhink zheir job is done after one happy day or grand gesture are zhe ones who forget to ensure zheir partners are appreciated. My fazer near worships zhe ground my mother walks on. My mother has proven her faiz and loyalty and love to him in innumerable ways over the years. I have too great a pattern of devotion set forz in front of me for me to provide you wiz anyzing less.”

“You feel like a dream.” She sighed like she was truly reckoning with how to balance who she was then and now.

“Well, wake up, Mrs. Cannon. Zhis is your reality.”

Her smile brightened then dimmed before she looked back at me. “I supposed you want to know the story. Like, the real one.”

“Learning more about you is a pleasure I would never deny myself so zhe answer is always yes.”

She sighed and I could see the stubborn look on her face like she wanted to delay this conversation. “Even if it’s the talk?”

“Are you sure you are ready for zhat?”

“I’m fairly certain that you won’t run far away from me so yes, I’m sure.”

“Zhe only running I would do is toward you, Vanya. You and our future. Zhe desire to be away from you is a state of being I will never find a home in because it is such an affront to my concept of joy.” I was stroking her hair and staring into her eyes because I needed her to feel every word.

“I can’t imagine this eloquence thing being something I will ever get used to. The way you speak to me makes me feel…rare.”

“Zhen I am living up to my vows. Zhere is no eloquence zhing, I am from a man who is more than a romantic. He is a poet when he speaks of my mother. And I understand. Zhe feelings in my chest zhat bloomed when I saw your face. It is indescribable. So it is not somezing zhat can be attributed to a simple few words. It needs expansion and understanding and highlighting. It is the only way to explain it.”

She was blinking rapidly and I knew it was to keep her tears at bay. “That was beautiful. I… wow.”

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