Page 93 of Shâhzâdeh

I wouldn’t bring their ugliness here so I refused to discuss it. “It is. But discussing it now seems pointless. If you’re already shying away from me over your own thoughts, I don’t want my past to play a role in this marriage.”

“I’m grateful you said marriage and not arrangement.”

“I’ve been married before but I never had the privilege of being someone’s wife. Someone’sreason. You’ve shown me in the few months I’ve known you that you are ready and willing to let me be that and more. Why in the world wouldn’t I call this a marriage?”

The moment was tense, the two of us looking at one another the emotion obvious.

“I need to walk away.”

“Why? Was that not—”

He held a hand up but took another step back, which hurt my feelings. “It was perfect. You’re perfect. And zhe desire I feel for you grows every second I’m around you. Most people would question my sanity, but few could question my honor or my morality. When you speak so beautifully to me, it makes me want to indulge in zhe taste of your honey as I make you cum all over my tongue. It makes me want you to be boneless, weeping, and unable to form complete sentences because you are so exhausted from pleasure. As I turn you into a beautiful mess, I will lick you clean and my dick and I will ruin you all over again.”

I was having hot flashes. Waves of heat washing over my body every nerve of my skin firing making my body sensitive. My walls gripped angrily only finding each other and not a part of Xerxes’ anatomy between them. If this was desire, the effect of being desired and pure wanton lust felt like I see why so many were quick to indulge in it. Craved it and were addicted to it.

“And you want me to not want that? I’m trying to understand.”

He stepped closer, first one foot then the other, each one increasing the lust I was feeling. I felt as though I had won when he stepped into my personal space and threaded his fingers through my hair. The lust skyrocketed and I swore I never thought I would feel anything so potent. The man showed me what was behind that veil of Black southern, Persian mafia boss gentlemanly control. This time it wasn’t the maniacal killer, it was the man who wanted to devour every inch of me like he said he would. The air between us and around us was humid and heavy with lust and I didn’t know how I would survive this tension.

“I want you to want me. Zhe same way I want you. Zhe burning need to possess every part of you. To care for you and protect you. To want to slide my dick wizin zhe slick petals of your flower and tease your clit until your pleasure is flowing down your leg soaking us boz. Heart, mind, body and soul. All four zhings I vill have in zhe future and vill protect. So yes, be feverish for me because vhen zhe time is right and I make you mine I want you to experience passion wiz me and for me like never before. Good zhings come to zhose who wait, work and earn it. Your pleasure is no different. Dream of me, azizam, because I will be dreaming of you until I can make our mutual pleasure a reality.”

XERXES

I UNDERSTOOD WHY my father and my friends were so happy to stay at home.

For years I had devoted my life to ensuring that everyone and everything else was good. Not that I didn’t take time for myself, but my focus had always been outward. Having Vanya here seemed to be the first time I stopped to think about what made me feel good inwardly. And not the simple eat right and exercise feel good. The type of feeling good that came from my heart. Vanya settled me. More than my soul reaching for hers when I met her, I felt a divine sense of peace and the promise of joy when I first saw her. She was my emotional soft place to fall. To be vulnerable and not worry about being seen as weak because my brute strength wasn’t my only appeal. It had been two days and she already made this place home.

I’d requested the chef to prepare dinner but to plate it so that we could enjoy a meal together. Business for the day was concluded and I’d already asked Vanya to join me. Last night had been the hardest I’d ever been in my entire life. And not just my dick. Although his unruly ass made it impossible to sleep because he was standing at attention each time I caught a whiff of Vanya’s scent.

Should’ve made a perfume that repelled men instead of luring them in.

We’d shared a bed. But in the platonic sense. We’d started off on opposite ends, but gravitated to one another as we spoke before bed. Like a good Chrislim, I prayed before I went to sleep and was pleased to see that Vanya did as well. She’d watched me with intellectual curiosity before asking me questions about how I balanced who I was. The conversation led to the likeness and differences of Christianity and Islam and she seemed to absorb the information like a sponge. It was a beautiful thing to witness a woman who had been taught to hate be so open and unassuming. I didn’t have any doubts, but I hadn’t realized that Vanya would genuinely be this interested in me.

That comfort almost fucked me up, though. She drifted off to sleep and our bodies had gravitated to one another. Her smooth, butter pecan colored leg that was smattered with freckles had the gall to rub against mine in her sleep. My dick bricked up and almost lost my hard fought discipline and jacked my shit to relieve the pressure. Instead, I prayed. I began to conjugate verbs in Spanish and French thinking of all the shit I had to get a handle on before I could truly enjoy this space I was in with Vanya. Around four this morning, I finally drifted off to sleep, but made sure I put a pillow in between us.

My friends would understand although they would clown the fuck outta me for a minute. I wasn’t Priest but I’d been selective as fuck about anyone that I slept with. Since repeats weren’t my thing I had never had a steady woman in my life. I was too busy and too hyper focused to have a roster because that shit seemed pointless to me. You kept a bunch of women around that you weren’t serious about only to cut them off when something better came along. That was the epitome of fuck boy behavior and none of us did that shit.

But my ass was now happily slowing down with this amazing blessing and I couldn’t be happier.

I walked through this house that still echoed from how empty it was. Despite the amount of money I had, I didn’t want to rush to just put things in the house. There were specific pieces that were being transferred from the loft I owned in Nashville. My parent’s estate was on the outskirts of Nashville, an area located for its business opportunities but its proximity to horse culture in Kentucky and Virginia. He could broker deals across every industry we dabbled in and mama had quick access to Charlotte when she needed to conduct Consortium business. Despite this place not being filled up yet, it already felt like home, because Vanya was in it.

The table in the kitchen was set intimately, the dishes and flatware pieces that Vanya had collected over the years suited her personality. Pieces that weren’t a perfectly matched set but all blended together beautifully. The patterns were eclectic but elegant, very similar to the woman who had gathered them together. She told me that she’d thrifted a lot of the items and some were valuable. I knew they were priceless to her because of what they represented: the ability for her to express herself in all forms and not be criticized for it. I’d had them placed in the built in china cabinet in the kitchen and her eyes lit up when she saw them. I couldn’t wait until she filled the two inside the formal dining room and took as much pride in them as she did in these.

She came in shortly after me with a smile on her face.

“How are you?”

I studied her closely. The cotton shorts she wore that were bright and floral with the oversized button down matching shirt. It wasn’t meant to be alluring but it still was despite being so innocent. Having her comfortable around me and in our space brought me peace.

“A little tired but nozing a good night’s sleep can’t cure.” I desired to get up and hug her but I smothered the feeling. It didn’t matter because she came over and pecked the side of my face. She tried to walk away but I held her near me, inhaling the scent of her skin and cotton before pecking her on her lips. “Not sure if I will be getting zhat soon.”

She looked guilty and the way she bit her lip made me want to slide my dick in between them. “I can always sleep elsewhere.”

“No. I enjoy having you close.” I pulled her to me, and she came willingly, which felt like a small victory.

She rest her chin on the top of my hair and we stood in the embrace like it was natural.

“Good. You were looking at the dishes. They haven’t grown on you yet?” Vanya sounded so unsure as though she thought I was about to toss all of her pieces out of the cabinet.

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