Page 92 of Shâhzâdeh

I found it admirable that he wanted me to be comfortable with this and with him even though I knew he could tell my feelings for him had grown.

“I do not want to frighten you, but I have to say it feels good to hold you.”

His confession was made softly, as though he were afraid I would run away after hearing it. My eyes had been closed, just feeling this entire time, but I opened them and found his, so filled with desire, staring back at me unabashedly.

“Are you going to kiss me now?”

Xerxes’ brows rose slowly, a smiled teasing his lips drawing my eyes to them briefly before I looked back up. “Is zhat vhat you expect me to do?”

“That’s what happens in the movies. The man says something sweet, the girl swoons and then he kisses her.”

His chest seemed to heave slightly as his breathing kicked up. It was so strange to have a soft power over a man who wielded so much force and influence. “You only have to ask—”

“Kiss me, Xer—”

His name wasn’t out of my mouth before his tongue was in it. It wasn’t the clumsy almost begrudging way that Jonathan would kiss me. No, this was the way it should’ve felt all along. The intensity, the way he braced his hands on my waist, fingers gripping into my flesh as though he needed to steady himself as much as I needed him. The fullness of his lips not repulsed by mine, but feeling insatiable at their pillowyness. This feeling was different but I felt as though I had done this with him like this before. My hands went to his face, my fingers threading their way through the wavy strands of his multi-dimensional hair. The way the deep coffee brown had hues of chocolate, gold and onyx woven into a lush mane any woman would be envious of. The feel of it beneath my fingers was as silky as it looked. I could feel a texture to it like he was born with a fresh blowout. Despite his lack of coils, his African ancestors made sure their presence was known. I tugged it slightly to get him to come closer and his body slammed into mine as he moaned into my mouth.

His hand left my waist, inching lower before resting at the small of my back. I felt like my entire body was on fire and I lifted my leg to wrap it around his waist. That snapped him out of whatever trance we were in because he pulled away. The temperature dipped and I hated the loss of warmth, but my desire still had my entire body flushed with heat.

He was flexing his hands, like he was battling them to stay by his side and not reach out and grab me again.

“What did I do wrong?” I sounded pitiful but my vulnerability didn’t make me feel stupid in front of Xerxes.

He filled his lungs and held it as though the deprivation of oxygen was necessary to restart his system. When he released it, he studied me briefly before shaking his head.

“Nozing. Not a zhing in zhis world. I almost forgot myself and lost control. I’m sorry,azizam. You asked for a kiss.”

“It was pretty fantastic, I can’t lie.” I didn’t feel bad about being honest because there was no use in delaying the inevitable. Sure, we hadn’t technically gone on a date yet, but this was the first man in my life I’d ever wanted like this. And I didn’t want to be denied.

“So flippant.” He was trying to bring down the temperature in the room and it just wasn’t going to work until I took a cold shower.

“I mean we shouldn’t be serious with each other all the time should we?” I had to wrestle down the desire to be back in his arms because clearly that wasn’t what he wanted. I mean he wanted it if the print I saw was a sign, but he wanted space more. Which was dumb.

“No, we should not.”

“Good. I’m not opposed—”

“I am. Zhings are already going far too much my way. I want to be your husband—”

I already knew where he was headed, and I needed to stop him where he was. “You know I’m not a virgin, right? I thought for sure my ex made that clear when he told you all my business. I’m assuming you aren’t either but if I’m wrong—”

I had no idea how to navigate this situation since it was still new to me, despite having been married for so long.

Xerxes face looked almost sad. Remorseful for what he had done or what he was about to say. “Sadly no. I have fornicated. Yours cannot be counted as zhat because you were wizin zhe confines of your marital bed. I will only share zhat wiz you in zhis life and to me you have had no other husband before me. Zhat union before was coercive and it doesn’t count in any of my cultures. So we will start anew wiz each other. How does zhat sound?”

“I like it. But are you saying that I can’t kiss you if I want?”

“Intimacy between a couple extends far beyond the bounds of sex. And is crucial to a healthy marriage. I’ve witnessed it. I am of the same mind as you. I do not want to wait until the vows have been spoken for there to be an ease and comfort between us. I do worry that it might push beyond the logical part of my brain and my flesh will take over.”

I eyed him up and down like a piece of meat with my eyes resting again on his obvious desire. “That’s a real possibility if you’re kissing like that.”

He rearranged himself like that was going to do something to hide what I could see and what I’d felt. It was incredibly impressive and looked long and thick—

“Vanya—”

I snapped my eyes up to his face and refused to be embarrassed. “What?! You want me to go back to acting like I don’t like you? Don’t do the push and pull thing men do. It’s so frustrating. I want to want you. I want to be wanted by you. But don’t go hot and cold with me. Your ability to turn me on is about the only thing that isn’t making the idea of sleeping with you revolting.”

His brow quirked, and the playfulness of the moment seemed to be lost. “Zhat seems like a weighted statement.”

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