Page 7 of Shâhzâdeh

“But you’recolored. You’re Black just like him and me!”

I hadn’t expected it and was shocked to feel the back of his hand on my cheek. “Don’t you ever say something that disgusting about me. I’m basically white. I was raised by two white people so I’m nothing like that man. His mother lay down with filth and look where it got her: a single mother making her parents look bad.”

“Her son is the President of the United States. The first Black president but surely not the last.” I laughed at how ignorant he sounded pantomiming the same foolishness that our parents and the rest of their friends would say. They didn’t care about us hearing any of it, in fact they seemed to want us to know how much they hated Black people and Blackness like it would somehow leech it from our genetics. My brother seemed to listen and parody their bullshit lately, but I did my best not to let it taint how I felt about myself or the few Black people I came in contact with. I thought it was disgusting how they’d take their money to buy property but then come and speak so ill of them at home.

“You better keep those thoughts to yourself, girl. You never know who might have a problem with you saying them.”

“You mean like you? What happened to you to make you like this? We’ve been friends our whole lives and now you’re hitting me?” I rubbed the side of my face to minimize the sting.

“A wife isn’t above being corrected by her husband.”

“But I’m not your wife yet. And you’re not my husband.”

“I’m one of the menfolk of this family and I’m charged with ensuring that you represent us the right way. Your attitude right now is the reason why your kind weren’t allowed in the religion. You might have white skin, but that darkness in you is sprinkled all over your body. Showing the sin that you carry. But don’t worry Vanya, you’re going to be saved as soon as we get married. I’ll do whatever I need to in order to save your soul. I won’t let you sully the family name.” He had bent down in my face to intimidate me, but he never would.

I scoffed and pushed his face away from me. “You sound like a fool.”

“It could be worse. You could just be something they let one of the elders play with. You should be grateful to me that I’m making you honest. Remember that the next time you want to get out of hand with me. Your fate could always be worse. The gratitude you should feel for me saving you should be at the forefront of everything that you do. Because one word from me and you can always belong to someone else and I can be free to have the wife I truly deserve.”

I peeled my eyes open slowly just in case I hadn’t escaped the way I thought I had. When the Black art and floral wallpaper on my bedroom wall was still there, I allowed myself to exhale and sit up in the bed. I was no longer disturbed by any of the memories of my marriage. I’d gotten so good at burying them that even in my sleep it was more an inconvenience than a threat to my peace.

There were moments I felt as though I should be sitting on someone’s couch or living in a padded cell. But none of that would help because the issue was inside my head, not outside in the world. And since being under someone’s supervision constantly was akin to what I’d escaped, I didn’t do the voluntary commit thing despite how relaxing it sounded. People would look at me the wrong way and the evil from my past would try to use it against me as grounds that they needed to have control over me and my money.

They hated that they’d tried to keep me stupid and failed. Marrying me off before I was even an adult to a boy I’d seen as my brother my entire life was foul. But the alternative they’d presented had been far worse. It had corrupted every idea that I’d ever had about what family was. About friendship and my ability to trust was all but obliterated.

And that was just as the vows were read. The shit that happened after left me a shell of the girl that I used to be and I’d struggled for years to find even a piece of her. It had been a long time since I’d felt happy, but my life had changed over the years.

I’d found freedom, but only after secretly planning my escape for months. I worked multiple jobs, normally for no money at all, but what I could keep, I squirreled away. I had to do all the household accounting because Johnny was never good at math. Instead of admitting he needed help, he just threw bills at me and told me to figure it out. That was all I needed to open up a bank account away from the branch we used and ensure my money went there. Since he rarely paid me any attention, I took online jobs that I could do on the hours that he was gone. During grocery store runs, I would round up the money or get cash back to put away. It would add up quickly especially since I did all the shopping and clipped coupons religiously. Items that I could buy in bulk, I flipped for a discount via One under an alias. I got the items for pennies, people got them at a great discount and I put the money into an account to allow myself to break free from an abusive marriage and toxic family. It was a win win in my eyes.

My phone rang and since the ringtone assigned to it was specific to the caller, I knew who it was before I picked up.

“Are you up?” My best friend Francesca’s face was down focused on something she was rolling out on the counter before she glanced up at the screen.

I could only smile at the scene of willing domesticity. Something that I’d been forced to comply with had tainted the skills I was once so proud of. Frankie was the modern trad wife that people wanted to be. Not only was she able to run a successful company that was based on the farming background so many people shunned in modern America, she had found the balance of being there for her family and her kids. She was the first to admit that she had a lot of help, and it wouldn’t be possible without them. Her in-laws were very active and that was only when her husband or grandpa weren’t there. Liam was a completely different person than I thought he was and that was a positive.

“Yes, Frankie, I’ll be on my way shortly.” I sat up in the bed and pulled my bonnet off my head. Being friends with a woman who had hair like mine had been a blessing. She’d taught me how to properly take care of my hair and not to just keep it in a bun that was causing tension and breakage. Despite how much she’d been going through, that hadn’t stopped her from answering my questions and that bonded us together in our time of sadness.

“Good, your goddaughter is asking where you are. Why this girl thinks you’re her friend more than mine is wild.” She rolled her eyes at me as she continued to fold her dough and I cocked my head because clearly the lines had gotten crossed somewhere.

“I mean… is she wrong, though?”

“Vanya, be for real. You my baby daddy not her friend.” She grinned at me as she floured her biscuit cutter.

I cracked up laughing remembering the first time that we’d had to use that line. Some man was hitting on Frankie despite how pregnant she was. I stepped in for her saying that the baby didn’t need a daddy because they had me. We ran with that for the rest of her pregnancy and I still laughed at how she referred to me as her baby daddy.

“If I didnae ken who was on the phone, I ken now. Tell Vanya she is missed and we are ready to see ‘er.” I heard Liam’s voice before he came into the screen. He was holding both of their children, Quad in his baby wrap carrier and Skye on his side as he leaned down and kissed Frankie on her cheek. That wasn’t enough for her and she turned around to capture his lips in a kiss. A few of his blond locs fell from the bun he’d wrapped them in on top of his head and Skye, used to her parents’ affection, had turned to the screen and started to blabber to me.

Couldn’t blame her, though. Those two couldn’t keep off of one another. If I had a man like Liam was now, I probably would be the same. But there was no way in hell I was going to risk my hard earned peace of mind for a man.

Her giggling was the signal I needed to get off the phone. “Okay, Mrs. Merrick. I’m going now. I’ll be there within the next few hours for dinner.”

“That should be enough time—”

“Dinna tell stories to yoor friend, Reul. She will believe I ‘ave yoo wonderin’ aboot unsatisfied. I already ‘ave to prove I’m worthy of yoo. Dinna ‘ave ‘er believin I’m selfish with my love.”

The way this man was looking at my friend I knew dinner was going to be late despite it being nine in the morning. Frankie knew she had to check in with me early because I would change my mind about something in a heartbeat. My clientele was exclusive and I’d blocked off today to get things done around my house. The last few weeks I’d been working everyday and when Frankie asked me for dinner, it was the perfect excuse to refuse any appointments.

“Okay guys see you soon! I’ll honk my way up the drive to make sure y’all are decent.” They were both looking at each other but Frankie murmured something that sounded like agreement as Liam’s head bent to speak directly into her ear.

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