Page 16 of Shâhzâdeh

“The criminal part.”

He straightened his tie and smoothed down the front of his windowpane navy and cream blazer. “The biggest criminals are in the government. It’s only when they see us doing what they do that they want to punish someone.”

“That can’t be denied.”

“Neither can your beauty. You ever gone let me take you out, Vanya?” He licked his lips and I immediately knew I had to stop being nice to him. He wasn’t a threat, hell I couldn’t even remember his name, but he was too intense for what I was looking for.

“No, thank you. I’m not really big on dating.” I shrugged at the small lie. Dating I didn’t mind, but dealing with people past a good meal was a nonstarter.

“Dating at all or just dating me.” He was still smiling and not the menacing kind that screamed I needed to pick my words carefully. We were out in the open so I spoke my mind.

“Both?”

His hand went to his chest and he caved it in slightly like I’d injured him. “Damn, that was blunt as hell. Not your type? You only date white boys or?”

My nose scrunched in disgust at his suggestion. “I wouldn’t ever date a white guy. Do you think just cause I look like this it’s my preference?” I pointed to my hair and I could tell he hadn’t meant to be offensive.

“You’ve got the whole I don’t know, hippie vibe about you even though you’re professional as hell. Besides, I had to wonder because I’m a fairly decent man. I mean, I work in the financial district, got a crew of frat brothers that could vouch for me. You know I’m not broke since we live in the same building. So what’s wrong with me?” He was handsome, with skin slightly darker than mine dressed in an impeccably tailored suit. Standing several inches over me, I’m sure plenty of women would see him as a catch.

“I’m not blowing you off when I say it’s not you. It’s very much me.”

He looked me up and down taking in the nude heels, navy sheath dress and lime linen blazer I was wearing before he returned to my face. “Not to be rude, but you don’t look like you have a lot of baggage. What am I missing?”

“Besides my entire childhood being jacked up and still not sure how to be in a relationship because my ex-husband was abusive? Nothing.”

He flinched again and I was sure that he was going to run the other way the next time he saw me. “Damn, all that?” His surprise echoed in the near empty marbled-floor lobby and I couldn’t keep the self-deprecating grin off my face.

“And a lot more. You don’t seem the type to really want to unpack a lot right now and I can’t blame you for that. I know I’m a lot to deal with and you seem like a good man. I date men right now that aren’t looking for something serious and you very much smell like white picket fences and Thursday night dates to Costco to stock the pantry.”

“Is that the energy I’m giving off?” He was laughing but I could also tell he knew I wasn’t wrong.

“Yes. Very much picket fence. Like you’ve already got your whole life mapped out for the next few years. You’re just looking for the girl to plug and play into the role you have for her. That’s not for me.”

“Damn, you make that shit sound fucked up.” He rubbed the back of his head like he was thoroughly stressed out by this conversation. His waves were an off black and complimented his peanut butter skin. He was handsome reminding me of a younger Derrick Rose just not as rough.

“Cause it is. Trust me, a woman wants someone that she can grow with. Someone that will be open to hearing about her desires and not just how well she fits into the framework of his life.”

He was studying me again and I didn’t mind because if I’m sure he thought I was an oddity. Most people didn’t tell someone their business so easily, but I was learning not to be ashamed of my past. “You sound like you’ve been there?”

“I could’ve written the book if I were into airing my dirty laundry. But since I’m too nice and protect people who don’t deserve it, I haven’t. So for now I stay silent.”

“You see like you’re ready to use that voice. You didn’t have a problem putting me in my place.” He wasn’t flirting. His words felt…nice. Like how Liam would talk to me.

“Well, these moments are few and far between. Anyway, I’m going to go next door and get myself something to eat and head into the office. And apparently lodging another complaint with the management board. Take it easy, Vincent.” I pulled his name out of thin air and I was grateful because he seemed relieved he hadn’t made that little of an impression on me.

“You too, Vanya.”

It felt strange talking to Vincent and putting up boundaries and having them respected. Crazy, that should be the norm but for me it wasn’t. I wasn’t going to try to be Vincent’s friend because that’s how lines got blurred but I appreciated him having a normal reaction to what I said.

He was fine and would be a good catch for someone, but I wasn’t her. It was a shame the way a man I had no intentions of entertaining had seemingly ruined all prospects for me. No one would be able to compare to Xerxes or the men he hung with. They were all hand designed by the same tailor, unique in their features but cut from the same cloth. The boldness in which he moved throughout life was addictive and despite my desire to want to stay away from his force, I was pulled into his trance no matter how I tried to fight it.

But was I really fighting it?

The way I’d looked at the door long after he’d left Frankie and Liam’s house that night after dinner should’ve been enough for me to run away. But I hadn’t. The desire to play with fire seemed to burn a hole in my head, allowing my good sense to leak out. Or maybe she was right all this time and I’d been the girl who was eager for male attention and validation.

I shook my head and crossed the polished marble floors of the lobby of the building before heading toward the parking garage. I had too much shit to do to let them back into my mind. My phone buzzed and I pulled it out, thinking it would somehow be a message from him. As though I’d summoned him from whatever distance he was away because he could feel me thinking about this. When I saw who it was from, I cringed but responded.

This was where I was comfortable. Keeping people at arm’s length and not letting them get too close. Xerxes wasn’t a man that would tolerate that. He had the type of energy that would overwhelm a woman. Suck her in and tell her to enjoy being a part of the ride. I hadn’t built up the confidence in myself all to relinquish it to someone else. I’d stay in my bubble where it was safe. Where I belonged.

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