Page 100 of Shâhzâdeh

Her laughter actually tinkled in the air, like the sound of metal hitting crystal. It was light and almost bubbled out of her. It was like the human version of wind chimes in the breeze her.This lady is some kind of fairy.

“Far from it. You have seen what my son can become when he’s angry. He is a very vengeful man. I take great pride in that.” Her smile was just as proud as her words said she was and I wondered if this life turned her into this or if this was just who she was.

“Do you?”

“Yes. Because that vehemence ensures that he stays the grounded, good man that we raised him to be.”

I was nodding because any time I saw Xerxes cut up; he was doing it for a good reason. “I can see that.”

She clasped her elegant fingers around my hands and gave them a squeeze. “I know you can. Which is why I won’t lie to you. Xerxes is a passionate man. One who is slow to anger but destructive when necessary. The difference between him and a madman is, his anger is targeted and he never goes after someone who doesn’t deserve it.”

“Again, I can see that.”

“Then what has you so conflicted?” She angled toward me and crossed her legs as though she were really intrigued.

“I mean, killing people is wrong.” It was my reason but I’d become desensitized to it. That was probably my biggest hesitation.

“So why is the government allowed to do it? The state as a punishment for a crime? Why has murder long been the tool of religion to gain compliance?” I could hear the righteous indignation in her voice and I didn’t want to offend her.

I had no choice but to sit with her words because they were too accurate to ignore. “You make very good points.”

Her posture was still perfect as she rest her arms daintily in her lap crossed at the wrists. “I know. It is an annoying habit of mine. Your husband to be doesn’t like it anymore than you do, despite him telling everyone who will listen how smart his mother is.” She tried to look demure but a haughty pride smile came over her face and it was then I knew I would adore this woman.

“He seems the type to want to be right all the time.”

“Only because he plans out his actions in such detail, weighing the outcomes that, when he’s wrong, it devastates him slightly. Another annoying habit he got from me.”

I nodded because the amount of times I’d seen him act proved that to be true. “I’m glad he takes that type of time with his decisions. It’s comforting.”

“The only thing he didn’t have to analyze was you.” Her smile was still in place but it was now teasing but I worried that again she was irritated with me.

“I’m sorry.”

As though she could sense my hesitation again, she took my hands in hers again. “You heard me,papillon. He instantly knew you were the right decision and he went after you. But I can understand why you’re so afraid.”

“How can you know when even I don’t?” I don’t know what it was about these Consortium people but I swear they were walking truth serum. It started with Frankie, then Xerxes, Navi and now his mother. They had me showing emotions I had been too happy to keep bottled up for years.

“Because only you have ever picked you. And people that came before us told you that you weren’t worth it so often you started to believe it. And although you chose you, you still wonder if it was the right decision. So someone else choosing you confounds you. It makes you question that voice inside of you that you might have disobeyed, but you still somewhat believe. Starve that voice, Vanya. It only seeks to keep you small. To keep you sad. To prevent you from living the life you deserve. Don’t let the past you walked away from taint the future you’re walking into.”

She spoke so passionately, so honestly to my soul, I was convicted. Her words were true and I hated that I kept letting them control me even when they weren’t around. Xerxes could see it and so could his mother when she’d just met me.

“Thank you for that. That really is how I feel and I wonder when he’s going to wake up and realize I’m not the person he should want. That the voices I hear are right then where will I be when I get so used to all of this? To him. To the feeling his presence gives me? But I know I can’t go into this with fear, it’s just me trying to rationalize that I am making the right decision. And that he is too.”

Her slender fingers wrapped around my freckled ones and gave me a squeeze. “I don’t aim to be your mother-in-law. I want to be yourmaman. I will need a friend to talk to when Bijan is on my nerves. My friends have their daughters and soon I will have mine. I apologize in advance if I smother you. Please tell me so I do not intrude too often.” She looked all too pleased at the thought of me and I was so emotional about an older woman wanting to spend time with me. Wanting my company.

“I don’t know how to be a daughter—” My voice had come out as a whisper because I was so hopeful but scared at the same time.

“Nonsense. We will laugh and have spa days and get to know each other. I will not force my ideas on you or try to mold you into anything but the Vanya you want to be. My job is to support you as you take on the role that will lead Xerxes into his future. And your job is to be happy. To carve out your niche within this world because you are just as important, if not more so than Xerxes in all of this.”

I had to laugh despite how fiercely she was speaking. “No idea how that happens.”

“Because the man the outside world sees is dictated by the man he gets to be here. You control him and his actions in life, Vanya. I have been the woman in a man’s world and I can tell you that they might be the more brutal sex, but they are not the deadliest. That is what we are made for.” She tapped the tip of my nose making me smile widely.

“I feel like you may be disappointed in me on that front.”

“Nonsense, I will love you for how you are, but life and its changes, changes us. Never say never,papillon.” She sounded like she spoke from experience and I already knew she was right. I never thought I would be a violent person but I hadn’t batt an eye with beating that girl’s ass.

“What is that word?”

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