Page 45 of Goalie Lessons

Before I close the door, she says, voice barely audible above the water, “Thank you, Astrid.”

I’m exhausted when I get down to the living room, and Grayson stands from the couch like he’s waiting for a diagnosis.

“I think she’s going to be okay,” I say, rubbing my hands together. My back hurts from sitting on the floor, then on the toilet, but I ignore it. Grayson is looking at me like I hung the moon. “I told her I would stay until she was done, in case she needed anything else.”

“Good idea,” Grayson laughs. “Of course this would happen. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

I wave my hand at him, then catch sight of theobsceneamount of chocolate piled on the counter. “You’re doing just fine.”

Crossing the room, I rip one of the packages open and pull one out, peeling off the foil and letting the chocolate melt on my tongue.

“I really don’t know how to thank you enough.” He rubs his hand over the back of his neck. “Without you…”

“Consider it even. For the jump start.”

He looks away, licks his lips. I’m hyper-aware of the movement, unable to pull my eyes from him.

“Astrid.” Just the sound of my name on his lips tells me that we’re heading into dangerous territory. But I don’t even try to stop him, hanging onto the thread.

“Yeah?”

“I, uh—” He coughs, a blush rising to his cheeks. “I did some asking around.”

At first, I have no idea what he’s talking about. “…What?”

He laughs, drops his head into his hands, and breathes out through his fingers. “Uh—I talked to my ex-girlfriends.”

“Oh.” It takes a moment to sink in, and when it does, I cringe, hit with the second-hand embarrassment. “Ohno, Grayson—”

“Please don’t.” He holds his hand up, shaking his head. “I can’t handle anyone else being so gentle with my feelings. Does it make me sound like a dick if I say my problem is I’m too nice? I really think they were all afraid to hurt my feelings. So I never even knew.”

I bite my tongue, grimacing when he meets my eye. My entire face is hot. This is up there with the strangest conversations I’ve ever had. “That…that sounds about right.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but there’s the sound of the bathroom door opening upstairs, and Callie appears on the landing, staring down at us, her hands on the railing.

“I’m…I’m going to bed.” She looks between me and Grayson. “Thank you, Astrid.”

“You’re welcome.” I smile at her, wave, feel how something has shifted for me here in this house tonight. “Good night, Callie.”

Grayson

AfterCalliedisappearsbackup the stairs, I expect that to be the end of our conversation. But Astrid turns back to me, head tipped, and says, “What were you going to say?”

If it’s possible, my face gets even hotter than it was. “Oh—nothing. Sorry. I should let you—”

“You have to tell me,” she says, crossing her arms. “It will haunt me for the rest of the night.”

I bite my tongue, then push all the feelings of shame and embarrassment away. Astrid already knows all the worst things about me, what’s a little more?

“I guess I just…first, I feel like a total asshole. Knowing all that time, I was having a good time, and they…weren’t.” Even the sound of it makes my eyes hot, my skin boiling. “And then it’s like, I don’t even know where to start with getting…getting better? Like, how do you bring that up on a date? How do you even—” I laugh, cutting myself off, shaking my head, the words bursting out of me. “What do I do, put up an ad? Asking for a mentor?”

In the next moment, my entire world tips, reality readjusting. Because Astrid, standing in my living room, her hoodie folded over her arm, her hair twisted up and out of her face, make-up free and looking radiant, says, “I’ll do it.”

It hangs in the air long enough that I’m not even sure I really heard her say it. We stare at each other, and I wonder if I’m having a stroke.

“You…” I cough, realize I’m already half-hard, just at the idea of touching her again. Shifting from foot to foot, I try to ease the tension, but I’m already thinking about it.

The idea of Astrid talking me through it. Letting me touch her. Showing me how to get her off…

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