Page 53 of Stranded with the Surgeon

‘I sat there and looked at the scenery and felt the isolation and stillness of it all, and I got this incredible sense of being part of it. Being… home, I guess. I put it down to exhaustion and stress and everything, but it’s happened again since then. Like today, when I sat beside that stream up on the hill, and it’s even happened in the middle of Auckland when… when I’ve being thinking of being with you.’

Jennifer couldn’t be sure, but it felt like Guy was holdingherhand now, not just allowing his to be held.

‘I’ve thought about it so often and I knew what it was when I saw you again today.’ Jennifer’s voice dropped to a whisper and the words were the most difficult she had ever had to utter. ‘Being with you makes me feel like I’ve found everything I’ve ever been searching for in my life. It feels like… like I’ve come home.’

Her need to catch a breath sounded like a gulp. ‘I’ve a horrible feeling that I’m in love with you, Guy.’

Guy was sitting very, very still. He opened his mouth and the intensity in his eyes made Jennifer quite sure he was going to return the depth of feeling she had just expressed. But then he shook his head very slowly. Very sadly.

‘It could never work, Jenna. I’ve been there before. Iknowit could never work.’

‘You haven’t been there withme.’ Jennifer could feel fingers of despair reaching for her heart again. ‘If I really want something to work, I make damned sure it does work. And we’ve got a good reason to try, haven’t we?’

She pulled at Guy’s hand, drawing it closer. Close enough to rest on her belly.

‘Haven’t we?’ she whispered.

10

Taking his hand off Jennifer’s belly had torn a little piece from Guy’s soul, and it bled far into the night.

Dawn found him walking in the hills, two bemused dogs trotting philosophically at his heels. Guy was saying nothing, and it was more than clear that the exercise wasn’t easing his level of stress.

He was so close to giving in. To letting his heart rule his head even though he knew it would be fatal. It was so tempting to believe her. To believe that she had found something more important in her life than her financial and professional and social success. But if he unlocked that door in his heart, he would be giving everything to Jennifer… and his child. They would become the warp and weft of his soul, and he simply couldn’t allow that to happen because it would destroy him if they left.

And they would leave. Guy took a running leap to clear the small stream and kept going, a steady and punishing pace that had the dogs panting. Sure, it could work… for a while. A honeymoon period that would suck him into believing that it really was going to be forever, and that would be enough to seduce him into giving every ounce of love he was capable of giving.

Jennifer could work with him in his practice. Hugh Patterson had said more than once recently that the workload of the emergency department at Lakeview warranted extra medical staff, so he would be delighted to make use of Jennifer’s expertise. Then she’d be busy with the baby, at least for a while, and her career would take a back seat.

But it wouldn’t last. It could never last.

At some point she would realise what she’d given up and she would resent the fact she was stuck in an isolated community, practising skills in emergency medicine on a very part-time basis. She wouldn’t be teaching anymore so she’d lose her prestigious title of professor, and having a husband and baby and a couple of dogs could never hope to fill the empty place in her life.

She’d try to hide it, of course. There’d be a gradual slide into discontent. There’d be arguments when Guy was called out and she was left to deal with some domestic crisis or chores. The kind of education available probably wouldn’t be good enough for her child, and her social life would become excruciatingly dull. Guy never wanted a repeat of what it was like to be associated with someone who used their intelligence and wit to put people down, as Shannon had done so well. She’d alienated Guy as well as herself from the community and had made both their lives a misery.

Shannon had left, as Jennifer would, too, eventually. It would break his heart but it would be so much worse than it had been with Shannon because his love for Jennifer would blow any previous relationship out of the water. Even worse than that, when she left she would be taking their child with her, and that would destroy him utterly.

He would lose not only the woman he loved but a family, and he’d be exactly where he was now but with his spirit crushed beyond repair. He was better off to stay the way he was. No matter how hard it would be to send Jennifer away now, it was a bid for survival. Just like that walk away from the crash site had been.

With a snap of his fingers to warn the dogs, Guy did an about-turn and headed for home. The decision was made and he would stick to it because he had no choice.

And this time he was going to make damn sure that Jennifer Allen wouldn’t be trailing behind him.

* * *

Despite being an early summer morning, it was cold in the empty cottage. The blackened remains of the fire in the grate offered no warmth and Jennifer had no idea how to poke up the coal range and get it started.

Guy was nowhere to be seen but she had definitely heard a door closing some time ago. Maybe he’d gone out on a call. Jennifer sat at the kitchen table and zipped up her boots. She would find a cloth and wipe the last of the mud off them later. Or maybe she wouldn’t bother. Exhaustion was pulling her into a space where she really didn’t give a damn.

She was supposed to leave today. If she wanted to catch her flight she would need to leave the cottage by noon at the latest. It was just after 7a.m. now. There would be plenty of time to talk to Guy even if the call he was on took a while, but could it make any difference?

When he had snatched his hand from her belly last night and said it was time they both got some sleep, Jennifer had known any further attempts to throw herself at this man would just be pathetic.

Soul-destroying.

Something her pride should really prevent her doing.

Except… she had seen something in his eyes when she’d confessed her love for him. A reflection, or reciprocation?

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