Page 62 of Falling for Provence

What if Theo died?

It would feel like losing Jack all over again.

Ellie had known there could be pain involved in getting close to Julien Rousseau when it was never going to be for more than a summer fling, but she’d never imagined this kind of pain. Was it actually possible that it could feel just as unbearable as losing her own baby? Or even worse, somehow, because this would destroy Julien as well as Theo and… and she loved them both.

She’d thought she’d never be able to love like this again.

How wrong had she been?

Minutes ticked past and turned into an hour. And then another. It was completely dark, but Ellie didn’t want to go inside and lighting candles seemed somehow inappropriate. Faint moonlight came and went through gaps in the clouds and the temperature dropped, but it wasn’t cold enough to send her inside and it certainly wasn’t cold enough to compete with the icy fear she was grappling with.

It was almost midnight when Ellie felt Pascal’s muscles tense and the rumble of a low growl from his throat. The glow of light coming from the direction of the olive grove made her breath catch.

‘It’s okay, Pascal,’ she said. ‘It’s only Julien.’

Only?

What a ridiculous word to use when the approach of this man held so much significance. When he held the power over both what her future would be and whether she had to relive a past where the wounds she’d thought were healing would be ripped wide open all over again.

But the first words Julien spoke changed everything.

‘He’s alive,’ he told her. ‘Theo’s alive.’ He sank onto the other wrought-iron chair beside the table, put his head in his hands and his next words were a sigh. ‘He’s going to be okay.’

Ellie tried to stifle a sob but it escaped. She scrubbed at her face to try and prevent tears, but she couldn’t stop her voice shaking.

‘I’ve been so scared,’ she whispered.

‘Me too.’

His sharp intake of breath made her think he was also fighting tears. He was sitting close enough for her to be able to reach out and touch him, but instinct told her that physical contact might be too much for him and… perhaps he was struggling for control because he needed to be strong. For himself but also for his family and most of all for Theo.

When he dropped the shield of his hands and looked up, he avoided direct eye contact.

‘It was touch and go,’ he said slowly. ‘The worst time of my life was when they took him away from me and into theatre. Waiting for him to wake up afterwards and to hear his voice.’

‘So he’s awake?’ Ellie tried to smile but had to bite her lip to catch another sob of relief.

‘He’s asleep again now. I’ve just come home to get some of his favourite toys and his special blanket. He’ll have to stay in hospital for a few days at least.’

‘But he’s going to be okay…’ Ellie was talking to herself but she had to say the words aloud.

‘They couldn’t operate until they’d done a scan to see what they would be dealing with, and there was a chance that he might bleed to death before they could repair the damage.’

‘But he didn’t…’ Ellie breathed. ‘And he’s going to be okay. Oh, Julien… that’s just the best news. What did he say when he woke up?’

‘He wanted to know where his little tree was.’ Julien’s huff of breath was a pale imitation of amusement. ‘I had to tell him that most of it had been cut off before he went into the machine to see what was happening inside his tummy.’

‘Oh…’ Ellie was trying to shake off a ripple of guilt that she knew would haunt her later. ‘If only I hadn’t wanted to go to that village with thegargouille. He wouldn’t have found that branch and thought it was a good idea to make it float down the hill.’ Her voice caught. ‘He wouldn’t have been holding it in the car when?—’

‘When I crashed it.’ Julien’s voice was rough. ‘There’s no point doing that, Ellie. None of this was your fault.’

‘It wasn’t your fault, either,’ Ellie said fiercely. ‘It only happened because that truck was on the wrong side of the road. Because of the storm. Because of the cyclists. You cannot blame yourself. You probably saved all of us by avoiding the truck. You certainly helped to save his life afterwards.’

Julien nodded slowly. ‘I would have given my life if that was what was needed to save him.’

Ellie opened her mouth to echo the ‘me too’ Julien had said earlier but the words didn’t emerge. That was partly because it felt far too much to tell him she had fallen in love with his son when she’d never told Julien how deep her feelings forhimhad become. It was also because he had finally met her gaze directly and was holding it, and what she could see in his eyes was so far from relief it was shocking.

‘What is it?’ she asked softly. ‘What’s wrong, Julien? What aren’t you telling me?’

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