Page 38 of Falling for Provence

It made Ellie smile, and that feeling of an internal hug around her heart grew big enough to shed tendrils of warmth that reached every cell in her body.

Maybe that warmth and the feeling of that child’s touch, still imprinted on her heart, was somehow visible in her body language, or on her face, or simply being breathed out into the air on this terrace. Maybe that was why Julien was so silent as he walked towards her from the orchard.

Why it felt as though there was a completely new and a much more meaningful connection between them as her gaze met his. Why Julien looked into the house to where he could see Theo asleep on the sofa, but he didn’t immediately go inside to pick him up.

‘Theo’s fine,’ Ellie told him. ‘I didn’t want to wake him up to take him home to his own bed.’

Julien’s gaze was on her face as she spoke. ‘Thank you so much,’ he said quietly.

‘How’s your grandmother?’

‘Not badly injured, thank goodness. A few bruises, but no bones broken. And they haven’t found any medical problem that might have caused the fall, but they’re going to keep her in hospital to do more tests.’

He sounded so calm. Doctors probably had special training to be able to stand back and not be emotionally overwhelmed by an emergency, Ellie thought. And perhaps, in Julien’s case, personal tragedy had taught him how to take that to an evenhigher level? How good must he be at reassuring his young patients and their frightened families?

‘When the tests are finished,’ he added, ‘We will need to make arrangements for my mother to take her home and stay with her for a little while. A week or two, perhaps, so she can be sure that her mother is safe from falling again. She will take Theo with her.’

Saying his son’s name seemed to prompt Julien to turn his head again. The light on inside was like a soft spotlight illuminating the sofa with the young boy curled up and sound asleep in his nest of blanket, a small hand resting on the scruffy coat of the little, white dog lying close enough to be guarding him, and it looked like an image begging to be captured in a photograph or painting. A scene that would tug at heartstrings because of the bond between the child and the dog, both asleep but not alone. And not lonely.

Ellie’s breath caught somewhere deep in her chest. From tomorrow, Julien, like herself, would be alone for some time. Would he be lonely? Might he want some company…?

It was another question that must have been leaking into the late evening stillness on the terrace, because Julien’s gaze had slowly drifted back to settle on Ellie’s face.

‘Thank you,’ he said to her again. ‘I know that it was a lot to ask. I was afraid it might be too much…’

Had he guessed – like her mother had – how afraid shehadbeen?

That a part of her might always blame herself for Jack’s death?

It felt as if a door that had been kept so firmly locked had been left ajar in the wake of that conversation with her mother. She might only be circling that truth, that she was not to blame, but it was so close and so bright she was tempted to reach out and see if she could feel its glow.

‘Why did you do that?’ she asked softly. ‘What made you so sure?’

Muscles around Julien’s eyes tightened as he focused on her words. ‘About what?’

‘That you could trust me to care for your son…’

Julien’s voice was just as quiet, but his words were far less hesitant.

‘Why wouldn’t I?’

Ellie opened her mouth, but no words emerged. How could she even begin to explain how it felt to have him make it sound as if there was no reason why she shouldn’t be trusted? As if it would never occur to him to think it had been her fault that her baby had died?

Or that being alone with Theo – something she would never have chosen to be if Julien hadn’t needed her help so urgently – had generated fear and determination, courage and joy all enclosed in a poignancy that was now layered with a sense of… what was it? Being free from being trapped in the past? Hope for the future? The idea that, yet again, being in this place at this time was exactly where she needed to be because things were changing.

Big things.

Julien said nothing more, either. What he did do, without breaking eye contact with her, was to raise his hand to touch her cheek with his first two fingers. She felt the gentle pressure on her cheekbone, and then it moved towards her ear and slowly, softly – like a brush from a feather – traced the outline of her jaw until it reached her chin, where it stopped, to be joined by an equally gentle pressure from his thumb on the other side of her chin.

It felt like her face was being held still, and she couldn’t move, even though she knew perfectly well that the touch was so light it would take no more than a sigh of movement to escape.She could no more break that touch than to look away from those dark, dark eyes that were holding her own.

Time had stopped along with her ability to move. Or even breathe, it seemed. The need to kiss this man had suddenly become overwhelming, because it seemed that Ellie had totally forgotten what it would be like to have someone’s lips touch her own. It was forever ago. In another lifetime. What was it she saw in his eyes? Was he wondering the same thing, or was it just her own need she could see in the reflection?

What would it be like…?

Was it wise, or safe, to even try to find out?

Not that it felt like there was any choice. Time was moving again, very, very slowly, and Ellie couldn’t have said who was actually moving, but the gap between her face and Julien’s was closing. And, even though what she could see became blurred as it got too close to focus, she kept her eyes open as she registered his warmth before their lips actually touched. Because this was too important to risk not using all her senses to experience it.

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