Page 64 of Jacinth

It was the guilt that made me speak up. Let’s face it, I was the king of guilt, but providing my brother with some sense of company? Sure. I could do that... maybe.

“I fucked up with the spell,” I slurred. Or something to that effect. I had to repeat myself a few times to get my mouth to work well enough for Orion to track.

“What spell?”

“The threads. I tried, but I couldn’t do the threads. Fuck. Harley.”

Was I making sense? I wasn’t sure. Eventually, I passed out and thought no more for a blissful moment.

***

I woke several hours to find Orion still beside me, deep in thought. My mind felt like I had crushed it in a blender and my mouth tasted like...

“Yeah, you don’t want to roll that way. You vomited a couple of times.”

Ah. Right.

I considered finding the next bottle and continuing to drink, but remembering the empathy for Orion, I decided a shower and cleaning up my own damn mess would probably be kinder.

A quick wash and towel down and I was back out, pulling on a fresh shirt and jeans.

“Tell me what you were trying to say about the threads.”

Orion’s voice stopped me in my tracks.

“What does it matter? I fucked it up and now it’s too late.”

“Humor me.”

I gave him the rundown on Sky’s and my visit to the covens. I explained the spell and purpose, and its ability to skirt the Fates’ rules. Then I admitted how Harley and I had doomed our mate. By the time I had told him everything, Orion was cherry red and so furious he couldn’t sit still.

“I’m sorry,” I finished. It didn’t mean much—less than nothing, in fact—but it was all I had to offer.

“Which part are you apologizing for?”

I paused.

“All of it?”

“You don’t even know why I’m pissed at you, do you?” It was a statement, so I kept quiet.

“How dare you?”

I bowed my head. I knew I deserved this, but it was hard to see the disappointment on my brother’s face.

“Look at me.”

I didn’t want to, but slowly I met his eyes. He nodded once, satisfied, before launching into full lecture mode.

“How dare you think you are less than anyone else? How dare you take away our choice in this? You do not get to check out on us. We’re a team, all four of us, and we are in this together! The thought of you trying to exchange your thread for hers? Thank god for Harley, truly.”

I wasn’t sure I understood what he was saying. It wasn’t quite the lecture I was expecting.

It was almost as though...

“You are as important as any of us. Do not start with that lesser-than, not good enough bullshit. You are my brother. I love you, and I will not watch you self-destruct. Never again.”

Those words broke me down and rebuilt me in a way I didn’t know I needed. I realized that beneath the self-sacrifice, I had always considered myself the disposable one. That wasn’t fair to anyone, though, was it?

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