Page 47 of The Twins

“He’s less than a year old!” I argue. How could a baby possibly have killed a fictional movie character?

“You all must die! Starting with your precious bride-to-be!” Hans points his gun at Bailey’s side again. I jump to stop him. The gun goes off as I land on him and knock him to the ground. I scramble for it, grabbing it seconds before Hans, put the gun against his forehead and fire.

“Ernie.” Bailey’s voice is weak. Broken. My God, no, not her. Spinning on my knees, I find her lying on the floor, the side of her dress covered in bright red flowers. Her flowers are soaking my pants. “ERNIE!” She screams but I’m right here.

“Bailey. Bailey, no. Baby. No.” I pick the flowers one by one, but the pile never gets smaller. Why is she bleeding so many flowers? “Don’t go. Don’t leave me.”

“I’m going home, Ernie.”

“No. Your home is with me!” Cupping her face, I fuse my mouth to hers.

“ERNIE!” She yells again…while I’m kissing her. “Ernie. That’s not me. You’re kissing Manny.” I pull back, confusion making it difficult to think. I jerk, startled to find myself staring into the pissed off eyes of Ruthie’s bodyguard Manny.

“Bailey?”

“I’m right here.” I slowly turn my head to the right and find my woman glaring at me. “Manny was kind enough to help me get you home.”

“But you were shot! You were bleeding flowers.”

“Oh, this is wonderful.” I ignore Tovah, pleading with Bailey to make this make sense.

“I’ve never been shot.” Bailey tells me.

“I have. Not fun.” Again, I ignore Tovah.

“But you were. Hans Gruber shot you because Shon threw him out a window. And he was so mad at the Kosher Nostra that he blew up the family compound and the consortium. Everyone was mangled or dead. Moshe—” My eyes dart around the room of expectant faces until I land on the Avinu. “Moshe, your leg was amputated, and you brain was bleeding.”

“Flowers?” He asks.

“NO!” That’s a stupid question. “Only Bailey bleeds flowers. And…and…and…Oh My GOD! I’m Bruce Willis!” I roll out of the recliner I don’t remember sitting in and crouch low to the ground. “I see dead people!”

“Ernie.” My head snaps up and I find Bailey softly smiling down at me. “You aren’t Bruce Willis.”

“Dude—” Zeppo is inches away from me when he speaks. Bailey…good God, I’ve never seen her so angry. Ever.

“YOU!” She points a finger at Zep menacingly. My dick likes it when she’s angry. Now is not the time! I might be dead. Or…the people here are dead? I don’t know what’s happening. “What the fuck is in that weed?”

Zeppo shrinks away. “Uh…weed?”

“Well, you better put a warning on it. My boyfriend has been tripping balls for the last 10 minutes, thinking Hans Gruber has come to avenge his own death against an 11-month-old!”

Sophie steps between Bailey and I, patting me on the head. “Zeppo, we can call it Nakatomi Plaza.” She claps her hands and bounces on her feet. “Fuck, we are gonna sell the shit out of this strain!”

“Ernie, you said Hans Gruber claimed Shon killed him?” I nod at Moshe, wrapping my arms around Bailey and burying my face in her stomach. I feel…unsettled. “Did you hear that, Ser? Our baby boy is already a criminal mastermind!”

Bailey threads her fingers through my hair over and over. It’s calming. Soothing. I purr, squeezing her tighter. “Ern, you, ok?”

“I am. I am the most ok I’ve ever been. We’re getting married.”

“We are?” She chuckles, tilting my head back with her thumb under my chin. Her face is lit up, eyes glittering with amusement.

“Yes. As fast as possible.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because…I love you. And I want the rest of our lives to begin right now. I don’t want to wait for “right” conditions. Marrying you, under any circumstances, is the best day of my life.”

“So, you’ll give up the silly notion that you should put your own life on hold for everyone else, or you don’t have enough money, or the right home, or education—”

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