Page 16 of The Twins

Vandy Gibbs is mine. And I’m not giving her up. However, it will be infinitely more difficult to keep her if her mother disapproves of me. Or Arlo.

It’s strange. I’ve spent 30 years not giving a fuck, avoidingfeelingslike the plague. I tried so hard to remain detached with Arlo, because opening yourself up to people is unpleasant. Ezra once described it as gutting yourself from nips to tip and expecting someone else to hold your organs in place.

As I said, unpleasant.

I spent all this time actively avoiding them all the while I was acting on them anyway. I’m gonna get Dad back for this. It’s all his fault. One censuring look, a flash of disappointment, and I’m laying my organs at Arlo and Vandy’s feet.

And now I’m about to sit down to more unpleasantness with people I’ve never met, and I can’t believe I’m doing this. Tovah nearly pissed herself laughing at me earlier when I told her. Don’t get me started on my parents. Over the top, ridiculous, meddling yentehs.

As I step out of the car in front of a modest two-story well-maintained home in a small neighborhood, my phone pings. With a sigh of frustration, I pull it from my pocket and open the text thread with Tovah.

SatansSplooge:Remember, you want to make a good first impression…so don’t be yourself.

Tevye:Fuck off.

SatansSplooge:About to.

Tevye:Please tell me you aren’t texting me while someone is going down on you again?

SatansSplooge:They’re Deaf and I was texting them to let them know they weren’t doing it right and thought I’d check in with you.

Tevye:I’m truly touched.

SatansSplooge:Gotta go, I’m gonna touch them instead. Sometimes you have to lead by example. Also, don’t fuck it up tonight or your one true love will leave you and you’ll become a sad, lonely, bitter old man that smells like moth balls and will die alone.

Tevye:Great pep-talk.

I pocket my phone with a grunt.

“Your sister?”

“How could you tell?” I ask Vandy as she comes around the back of the SUV to help me get Arlo out of his car seat. I nod to my security detail, making our way up the sidewalk to her parent’s front porch.

“You always get this look on your face like you’re in desperate need of Pepto Bismol.”

“You should tell her that, she would love it.” I say sincerely, Vandy laughing as she shakes her head. She hasn’t quite figured out my sister and me. I ain’t worried, the way I see it, she’s got a lifetime to work on it.

“Tev?” At the door, Vandy turns to me with a determined frown. “Words cannot express how proud I am of your personal growth. You are doing so well with Arlo, and you’ve been a great boyfriend so far.” I nod, my lips tipping up at the corner at her praise. “But I’m gonna need you to find your balls and remember who the fuck you are. That tiny woman in there will eat you alive and ask for seconds without batting an eye. When you’re with us at home, you can be affectionate and thoughtful, but here? Now? I need Tevye Frenkel, kapitan to the Avraham Avinu of the Kosher Nostra; deadly, ruthless, cold.”

I stand there, gaping like a fish at my woman. What the fuck? “She’s your mother. You love her,” I remind her and myself.

“I do, so much. But I love—uh, I love spending time with you. And I want that to continue without my mother’s judgement.”

“Are you sure she’s not Jewish? She sounds like every Jewish mother I’ve ever met.”

Vandy sighs, shaking her head softly, “Not Jewish and not Asian.” She wiggles next to us, causing Arlo to giggle and wiggle in my arms. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“Am I meeting your parents or walking to the fucking gallows?”

“We’ll have to see where the evening takes us.” Vandy’s eyes grow dangerously large, the color draining from her face. Slowly, I pan from Vandy to the open door and her less than 5-foot-tall replica. Vandy’s mother barely comes to my chest, but she manages to be imposing, her dark almond shaped eyes narrowed at me, darting up and down my person.

“Nanay! What a surprise!”

“To find me in my own home? At the specified date and time we agreed upon for dinner?” Wow. If she and Aunt Esther are ever in the same room, they will either become best friends or mortal enemies. And honestly, I’m down for either.

Vandy swallows hard. I glance at her once more, then at her mother. “Mrs. Gibbs.” I hold out my free hand to shake. She does not. “Tevye Frenkel. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Yes, the pleasure is all yours. Come in.”

---