Page 14 of The Twins

“Don’t tell me no. I can cry whenever I want.”

“I don’t like it.”

I wipe under my eyes, as I tell him, “Tough shit.” I motion to his chair and give Arlo another bite. “Thank you.” I whisper hoarsely. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I want to be useful. I want to help people. I know that’s cliché, but it’s true. I want to make someone else’s life better just because.” He grunts and I give him time. I play with Arlo, tickling him as he shoves food in his mouth, slapping his hand on the table from his highchair.

“I’m not good with…people. Emotions. I’m trying.” I nod because I know he is. There is such a difference between the Tevye I met at group and the one that sits before me. So much growth in such a small amount of time. “A while ago, I…my father expressed his disappointment in me, how I was handling Arlo, and it felt like a knife to the gut. I tried harder, but I can admit it was still the bare fucking minimum. Then in group…that lady deservedly ripped me a new one. And I took it to heart, except it was your reaction to what I said that took that knife and gutted me with it. I do not want to see that look in your eyes or my dad’s or Arlo’s ever again.”

Sniffling, I slip out of my seat and crawl into Tevye’s lap right there in the middle ofLox, and Teiglach, and Blintzes…Oy Vey!and hug him with everything I’ve got. He pats me awkwardly at first, then he releases a sigh and wraps his arms around me tight.

Arlo squeals with delight, giving us a toothy food-filled grin. Tevye rests his chin on the top of my head and hums contentedly. Burying my face in his neck, I force myself to be brave enough to ask an urgent question, “This feels coupley. Are we a couple?”

He shrugs, my body moving with him. “Don’t know. I’ve never done this before. Do you want to be a couple? Am I couple material?”

His insecurity, just like earlier, is cute and endearing. “I think you can be anything you want to be, Tevye.” He snorts at my parental response.

“I want to be the man who invites you over for dinner tonight.”

“Be all you can be.”

His laughter rumbles in his chest and vibrates in his throat against my nose. “That’s the Army.”

“To be or not to be, that is the question.”

“Don’t let Moshe hear you quote Shakespeare, he fucking hates that guy. Also, the question was dinner tonight.”

“No. Actually, there was no question.”

“Ugh.” He sounds like a petulant teenager, I love it! “Vandy, would you please join Arlo and I for dinner this evening at the compound?”

Arching my neck, I pull my hands from between us and squish his cheeks together. “Such a good boy, using his words.”

His eyes darken and narrow. “You are going to regret that later.”

A shiver runs up my spine. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Vandy 11.

This is ridiculous. I’ve been here before. The family compound, Tevye’s suite…it isn’t new. And yet it is. This is different. Things have changed. Everything has changed. And the riot of angry bees in my stomach isn’t settling, despite Devorah’s warm greeting.

She knocks on Tevye’s door. “Dinner is on the table, Vandy. Have a wonderful evening…We’re having challah French toast in the morning!” The door opens and she turns to walk back down the hallway.

“It’s just dinner, Devorah! I’m not spending the night.”

Tev grunts, “Yes, you are.” I can hear Devorah’s evil cackle as she disappears from view, and I’m dragged into Tev’s living room. He pushes me up against the closed door and devours my mouth. With an embarrassing whimper, I stand on my toes and press my body to his, needing to be as close as possible to this man. It’s only been a few hours since we saw each other, but somehow it feels like an eternity since I’ve felt his mouth.

He breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against mine. “You look gorgeous. Glad you could make it.” I drop my head on his chest and chuckle, my shoulders shaking.

“Me too…Devorah’s promised an excellent breakfast.”

Tev laughs, stands up straight and leads me by the hand to the dining table. Arlo is already seated in his highchair, a smattering of food on his tray. He greets me with enthusiasm, slapping his hands together.

We sit at the table and for a second, I’m struck with déjà vu, thinking about our lunch earlier. Having dinner, the three of us, inside the family compound…feels important. Momentous. Fizzy bubbles fill my veins as we talk and feed Arlo.

“Lunch has been on my mind…on a constant loop,” Tev admits after we’re done eating, not yet wanting to clean up. “Most fun I’ve had with a non-female relative and clothes on.”

“Are you psychic?” He shakes his head with a smirk. “I was thinking…I had a wonderful time at lunch. And now…I enjoy spending time with you, Tev. And Arlo.” I tickle the little guy’s belly, and he squeals.

“I’m trying to figure something out, though.” I smile at him and rest my head in my hand and wait for him to continue. “Why did you sign the contract with Suzie’s Support Network?” I sit back in my chair, the fingers of my right hand swirling my wine glass round and round.

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