Page 28 of Sour Brew Face

“I know. And he should be castrated for that, in a perfect world. Unfortunately, in order to make it up to you, he needs that equipment. So, you’ll have to think of inventive ways for him to atone.”

“I don’t know if I can. The trust that was there…it’s gone. And for my all my shitty history, even I know that trust is key to any relationship. He fought dirty and I don’t know if I can be with a man who does.”

“Ok.” She kisses my temple and smacks her lips together as if she’s tasted something bad. “You have to let go of the blankets, I know you showered today for work, but you are a sweaty mess. Let’s air you out.”

I nod numbly, drained emotionally after purging my feelings and thoughts. She stands me up and then holds her breath as she hugs me. Except she doesn’t hug me, she pops the clasp of my bra, does some kung-fu voodoo shit and then throws my bra across the room. I can only stare at her in amazement and fear. She possesses powers that are beyond my comprehension.

Amelia steps back, humming a familiar 90’s beat, bringing a smile to my face for the first time in days, “Free your titties, and the rest will follow!”

Langston 24.

I don’t know how long I’ve been staring at this file folder. But I do know it isn’t the first time I’ve done it. Hell, it isn’t the 5thtime either. I’ve memorized the contents. Impressed by the thoroughness of Ishaan’s search, and humbled by the fact that it was ready for me before I even asked. Because of Mo. Because the woman I crushed was selfless and kind and knew that I may need this someday soon and wanted to be prepared. Not to gloat, not to drive a wedge between my mom and I, but because she truly loved me. And I don’t deserve her.

I think we can all agree on that one.

I shake off my regret of losing Mo and move on to my regrets regarding my brother and my father. Looking up briefly at the restaurant in front of me, I know the answers I need, the context required to make sense of the file contents is in that building. Probably wondering why the hell I asked to meet only to be late to lunch.

It’s because I can’t get my legs to move. I’m paralyzed by fear, and anger, and disappointment. Most of those feelings directed at myself. I allow images of Mo to enter my mind once more, knowing that even though it would pain her, she would hold her head up high and face this head on. She would lean into the past and learn from it.

With a deep inhale, I hold my breath for a beat, then another, and on a shaky exhale, I open my car door and shut it behind me. Locking it, I walk on unsteady legs into the restaurant to face my past head on in the hopes of learning anything and everything I can from it. To be a better brother, a better son, a better man. I can’t be the type of man she deserves until I figure my shit out.

I recognize Emerson instantly. He’s a decade older, but I’d know him anywhere. The man seated caddy corner to him is harder to place, only because it’s been decades since I’ve seen him and the memories I have of him are vague.

They stand, just as awkward as I feel, as I approach their table. Emerson’s boyish charms have morphed into handsome man. He’s taller than I am by at least a couple of inches, and he clearly works out. His eyes, slightly darker than my own, are glassy with emotion.

He reaches out hesitantly, his arms hanging in the air in an abortive attempt at a hug, before slapping back against his thighs. I have no such compunction, stepping forward and dragging him into my arms in a crushing hug. “Emerson.” I breathe his name, hardly able to push the words past my lips.

“Lang.” His arms tighten around me until both of us are barely able to breathe. We stand there in the middle of the dining room, letting the years of distance and deceit wash over us. Finally, gaining some composure, we pat each other’s back roughly, and take a step back. I stare at him for a moment longer, before turning my attention to the man who I thought abandoned us.

“I…I.” I stop and start, unable to articulate what I need to say. My father shakes his head and steps around the table, wraps his arms around me and brings me to his chest. I’m not ashamed to admit I cry, purging the toxicity from my body, breathing new life and new possibilities into my lungs.

“Sit, son, you need a beer, we all do.” I laugh at his honest assessment, stepping back and wiping under my eyes. Taking a seat across my father, my eyes flit between them, unable to believe they are here, in front of me. Our waitress comes over quickly, taking our drink order and bringing them back faster than I thought possible. I should hire her and the bartender. I wonder how’d they’d feel about a 2-hour commute.

“I don’t know where to start, other than to say I’m sorry. I had no idea…I’ve only just learned of everything that happened…” I begin and they both nod in understanding.

“What brought that about?” Dad asks with no judgement.

“Um…I am seeing…er, was, seeing someone and she asked me some questions that I couldn’t answer, or maybe, the answers no longer seemed satisfactory. Mom, um, Eugenia, crossed several lines with the woman I was seeing, and let’s just say I had a come-to-Jesus moment that was long overdue.”

Dad, that’s so weird to think, nods his head again. “Sometimes the right woman comes along and wakes you up.”

“Yes, they do. Sometimes you’ve slept through your alarm, however.” I say gravely. “You sound like you have some experience with that sort of thing? Did you…did you remarry?” Dad’s face lights up, making him appear years younger and for a moment I see myself in 30 years and I don’t think I have anything to worry about.

“Yes. After…well, a few years after I moved, I met Veronica. We married 2 years later and have been together ever since.” I swallow around the lump in my throat.

“Do you have any more children?” He shakes his head sadly.

“No, Veronica was unable to have children and we decided not to adopt. We traveled and built up our businesses just in time to have Emerson come back into my life. And now our days are filled with our grandchildren.”

My eyes snap to Emerson. “You have kids? Are you married?” He nods.

“Yeah, I met my wife my senior year of college. She tutored me in statistics.” He smirks in fond remembrance. “Never been so happy to fail a class in my life.” I chuckle with him but inside that black hole expands. I’ve missed so much, and I can never get that time back. She robbed me of a chance to see my brother blossom, his wedding, the birth of his children.

“How many kids do you have?” Emerson’s face softens as he rattles off his kids and their ages.

“Kylie is 6 months pregnant, and we don’t know the gender, damn kid won’t stay still during the ultrasounds. Robbie is 3. And Lange is 5.” My shoulders drop and I slide down in my seat. My heart pounding in my chest.

“You named…you named your sons after dad and I?” Emerson nods but purses his lips unable to speak.

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