Page 87 of Love Fast

“I can only decide whatIwant. WhatIdo. And…” And what? I decide I want Byron? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? He has his reasons for not wanting anything serious.

He drops marshmallows into the two mugs and brings them both over to the couch. I take the cup from him and our eyes lock. I want to kiss him. I want him to hold me. I want to skip everything before thereallygood part. But I owe us both more.

“That sounds… logical,” he responds.

“And I want to stop running.”

His eyes widen slightly. “So you’re staying in Star Falls?”

I can’t read him. Is he happy? Disappointed?

“I don’t mean running away from Oregon. I mean running away from… everything. When I left Mom and Frank, I wanted my freedom. I thought geography would solve that problem, but of course, it’s never that simple. I thought if I could keep myself separate, stay on an island, I’d be okay. I’d be free. But the opposite happened. Being on an island is isolating. It’s lonely.”

Sadness shadows his face and he reaches for my hand. I realize that he cares. Really cares. About Star Falls and the Colorado Club. And maybe about me.

I glance up into his eyes. “Freedom doesn’t mean being on an island. It’s making decisions that feel good for me. Decisions that are right for my hopes and dreams for the future. I thought I had to shut down any vulnerability, stay on my island, so I didn’t fall back into the pattern of doing things for other people—so I didn’t end up marrying a man I didn’t love, or having a life I don’t want to please someone who doesn’t care about me. But I figured out that being vulnerable wasn’t the problem. The problem was—is—my mom.” I slide my mug onto the table beside the couch before I spill it. “I came to Star Falls thinking I had a choice: be alone or be controlled. But being with you… it’s shown me a new possibility.”

“Me?” he asks, his expression confused.

“You’re kind, Byron. And caring. And you seem to want me to want things for myself. You sent me that card. Why? It wasn’t going to do anything for you. You took in Athena. You let me move into staff housing. You didn’t insist I delay my move-in date. You didn’t even suggest it. And I know we haven’t known each other very long, and they might seem like little things to you. But to me, they’re everything. You let me be me. You like me for me.”

“I told you, Rosey—I don’t want you to be anyone but you.”

I pull in a breath. Being this close to him is comforting, reassuring. And I miss it. I need to pull the trigger now. I need to ask for what I want. It feels so jarring to be so selfish, and there’s a real possibility that we don’t want the same things. But I’m so clear that Byron is who I want. I’m not sure I’ll ever have this clarity again. So if I don’t start here, asking him for what I want, I never will.

“Like I said, I know we haven’t known each other very long, and I know you have the Colorado Club and it’s stressful and all-consuming. I know you’re not based in Star Falls forever, and I’m just some girl who got on an airplane for the first time less than a month ago, and you probably normally date sophisticated New Yorkers who were born in Paris and vacation in Sorrento—” I groan. Why would Byron pick me? Any woman would be a fool not to want him. He could take his pick.

I tell myself it doesn’t matter—the important thing is I tell him I want him, not that he wants me back. The power is all in the asking.

“What I’m saying is that I know it might not be mutual, but I don’t want to give this up.” I glance at his chest, unable to look him in the eye. “I really like you. Like, reallymorethan like you. I don’t want to only see you for a second or two in the hallways of the Club or once in a while at Grizzly’s. I want to curl up with you at night. I want to hang out at the diner with you on a Sunday. I want you all the time.” My voice has dropped to a mumble. But I got it all out.

I clasp my fingers together, my eyes on my hands, waiting for the letdown. Waiting for him to tell me I’m a nice girl and everything but?—

He reaches under my face and lifts my chin.

“I think you’re incredible,” he says. “Everything you’ve been through and you’re here, one hundred percent yourself, making yourself vulnerable.” He shuts his eyes in a long blink, like he’s having to steel himself. “I think you’re the strongest person I know. And the most beautiful. The kindest and… and sexiest. And I’ve really, really missed you.”

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look away from him. I don’t want this moment to end. I don’t want him to get to thebut.

“It’s tricky,” he says. “Me being the owner. You working at the Club. I think we can figure it out.”

My eyes widen. I didn’t hear abutthere.

“And you’re right, my plan isn’t to stay in Star Falls year-round,” he says. “We can figure that out too. Nothing stays the same. We’ll have to navigate the changes together.”

Nobuts. Where are thebuts? I need him to jump to the goddamnbuts, because otherwise I might just die of hope.

His mouth curls up at the corners and his eyes sparkle at me. “I think I knew the moment you walked into Grizzly’s that you were it for me,” he says. “Worth knew. He saw it in me. But I needed you to pick me for me, to know for sure that you weren’t going along with things.” He pauses and narrows his eyes. “I didn’t realize that until tonight, but you turning up here, telling me you want me—it’s all I needed. We can figure the rest out.”

I sit up straight and take his head in my hands. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming, but if I am, I hope I stay asleep. I press a kiss to his lips, and we crash against each other like lovers who’ve been separated months rather than days.

I just know I never want to be without him again. Not days, not hours, not a goddamn moment.

He pulls away, and for a fleeting second, doubt creeps back in. Until he says, “I know this is soon, but I need you to know…” He holds my face, our gazes locked, lips swollen from our kiss. “I love you, Rosey Williams. I think I did from the moment we met.”

All doubt disappears, melting into my past where it belongs. All I can focus on now is my future. With Byron. “I love you too,” I say.

THIRTY-SEVEN

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