Page 61 of Unmade

“That may be. I only brought this up because you said you were fine when you’re clearly a train wreck.”

I snapped my gaze up and narrowed my eyes, only to catch him smirking at me.

Bastard!

“Now, let’s go talk,” he said, opening the door. “Alex will lose track of time in Danny’s office, so we have a couple hours to start with.” He gestured for me to go first, and I crossed the hallway and walked into the library, presuming we were heading for the dorms. They were through this section.

“You really love your counseling and talking about feelings in this place,” I grumbled.

“We really love preventing long-term PTSD,” he corrected. “I’ll be the first to admit I hate sitting in Doc’s chair, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see the purpose of it. This isn’t the military. We can’t afford our own VA services that cost money without offering actual aid, so we gotta nip that shit in the bud instead. Counseling is mandatory for every active operator, and the sessions are automatically increased before and after deployments, depending on the nature of the assignment.”

I huffed. That sounded horrible.

“I think it’s bad enough that you make me sing like a fucking canary,” I muttered.

Beckett chuckled, and we headed down the hallway of operators’ units.

I wiped my forehead and let out another big breath, glad the clamminess was disappearing too.

“We’ll use your place,” he said. “Unless you want fresh air. You might want more of an open space after an anxiety attack.”

I didn’t care. I also wasn’t sure I knew the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack. Instinctively, it felt like panic was sharper and hit more suddenly, whereas anxiety could sit on your chest for ages and build up slowly until the pressure became too much to bear. But the two kind of walked hand in hand most of the time, right?

I punched in my personal code and opened the door to my unit, and Beckett walked in first.

He surveyed the room for a moment, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he lost some tension in his shoulders. Would he have freaked out if my place had been messy? He’d mentioned being tidy. Also, maybe not freak out. He didn’t strike me as a freak-out kind of man.

One side of my room had a sofa and a coffee table, with the little kitchenette in the right corner, and then my bed and a closet on the other side. It was perfect for me.

The sofa was on the small side, though, so when Beckett sat down there, I eyed my bed. I’d sit there.

“Um, do you want something to drink?” I opened my fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. “I have water and Sprite Zero.”

“Water’s fine.”

I grabbed him a bottle too, and I tossed it to him on my way to the bed.

“Thanks. So, let’s discuss why the news of your family made you react that way,” he said.

Jesus, he didn’t even lube up first.

I blew out a breath and sat down, and I kicked off my shoes. “I feel bad for the women you date. You gotta ease into things.”

He uncapped the water. “I feel bad for them too, but for other reasons.” He took a swig and eyed me a little. “But fine.” He set the bottle on the empty table—except for the remote to my luxurious, huge eighteen-inch flat-screen on the wall. A remote he adjusted so it was aligned with the edge of the table, by the way. “You want foreplay? When you mentioned water and Sprite Zero, it crossed my mind for the hundredth time that your habits don’t match the usual soldier. No tobacco, no energy drinks, no alcohol… There. Enough chitchat?”

I actuallyhadsmoked. In Germany. Like, twice. “There was no chit for chat. You only chitted. If I don’t chat back, it’s just a chitshow.”

“Jesus Christ.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and huffed a chuckle, presumably at my awesome sense of humor. “This is next-level dad jokes.”

I grinned. “Dad jokes are fun.”

He harrumphed and shook his head in amusement. “My brother thought so too.”

Clearly, he’d been a genius.

Maybe the mention of Vince caused the humor to seep out of the room. Regardless, it was a good time to get back on track; I just didn’t want to. I wanted to avoid the topic for as long as I cou?—

“The Quinns are your family, Leighton.”

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