Page 100 of Unmade

He laughed. “Did you ever do a rotation over there?”

“Yeah. Best nine months of my life.”

Or maybe I couldn’t say that any longer. I hadn’t felt dead in a few days now. I was laughing more.Feelingmore. I’d finally cried again. During sex, sure, fantastic sex, the best sex…

“Finlay!” Coach called. “Turn on your comms for a perimeter update.”

“Aw, man.” Crew inserted his earpiece. “Finlay online. Talk dirty to me, Gramps. Where you at?”

I grinned and finished the last of my protein bar, then stashed the wrapper in my pocket. While Crew wandered off, I trailed over to Coach, ’cause he seemed less agitated now, and he wasn’t talking to anyone. He was just digging through a backpack.

“Sir, is there anything I can do to help?” I asked.

He didn’t look up from the bag. “You can brace yourself for an inbound Beckett, who’s furious.”

Oh crap.

“What did I do?”

He shook his head and pulled out a Kevlar vest. “It’s me he’s mad at—for bringing a recruit along.”

I chewed on the corner of my lip and wondered if it was just about any recruit, or if it was me. I knew he didn’t want me here. He’d laughed when I’d offered to help, and then he’d given me the speech about me being too gung ho.

“Put this on.” He smacked the vest to my chest and leveled me with a serious look. “You were an asset today. Am I happy to have a recruit with us? Absolutely not, but we did what we could in a shitty situation, and you handled yourself well. Fucking your superior, notwithstanding.”

My eyes widened. First, with the incredible compliment that I was gonna cherish for a long time, and then a bitch-slap about a private matter? Jesus, man. And for the record, Beckett was the one fucking me!

“Um, thank you and hot damn, sir,” I muttered, putting on the vest. “By the way, don’t be mad at him about, uh, that. I came on to him.”

He folded his arms over his chest. “Did you tie him down and force him into anythin’?”

Well…no.

I squinted.

“I didn’t think so,” he said. “Look, part of our philosophy is to keep the leash on the looser side. We’re recruiting service members, with the majority having issues with authority. That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t like to enforce a stricter fraternization policy—we just know it wouldn’t be followed. But a senior operator gettin’ involved with his own recruit? Ain’t gonna fuckin’ happen.”

I lowered my gaze to the ground and felt a knot of unease form in my stomach.

“If this is serious, we’ll figure shit out,” he added. “Beckett can be removed from trainingyou, specifically. You can become my responsibility. No sweat. But if you’re just screwin’ around…”

So…I got two days of happiness. All right. I nodded once. “I understand.”

Beckett and I weren’t serious. He’d been very fucking clear on his stance where relationships were concerned.

“We’ll call it off,” I forced myself to say. And just like that, I kind of wanted to cry. I walked away and fastened the straps on my vest.

“Can I sleep in your bed? Just for tonight.”

“After what we just did, I wouldn’t let you sleep anywhere else.”

Ow. This was gonna hurt.

I could already feel myself slipping into a familiar pool of numbness, except this one was laced with loss and anxiousness. Beckett would be here any moment, and I wasn’t sure how I’d handle the look of disappointment on his face. As far as he knew, we were a secret. One he’d intended to keep until he’d gotten his fill. Or whatever. But now, Coach, of all people, knew, and it was my fault.

Beckett was going to wash his hands of me in the swiftest way possible.

Breathe through the stabs.

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