Page 5 of What I've Tasted of Desire

It had been a loaded crock of shit. I knew then that it wasn’t the truth, and college had only served to illuminate her lie.

There wasn’t any reason for me to stick around here, either. I knew then that I could easily go the rest of my life without seeing my father again. He would just come home drunk and find the both of us gone with no explanation, and probably wouldn’t even care.

I pulled at the collar of my shirt, anxiety welling up inside me as I stood up and looked around the room again. I needed a break from these walls. I’d been cooped up in this house looking after her for the last however many weeks. I needed some fresh air.

I made quick work of getting out the front door and down the driveway before pausing and taking a deep breath, trying to ground myself enough to even pick a direction. Did it even really matter? My feet were on autopilot as my mind continued to spin with next steps and possibilities.

In no time at all, I made it to the end of the block and crossed the street towards the backside of the old train station. I rounded the corner and stopped as I saw two boys standing a few hundred feet up the sidewalk. They were talking and staring up at a dilapidated old Victorian when the taller of the two reached over and put his arm around the other one. The taller one had short, buzzed hair, making him look almost bald. The shorter one had a mop of messy chestnut curls spilling down onto his forehead and the sides of his cheeks. He was fucking adorable.

Were they… boyfriends?

My heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing a cute gay couple in Emberford, so open and loving. I took a few steps closer, thinking maybe I’d introduce myself. Finding some new friends would be nice. The taller boy leaned over and kissed the cute one. I watched as the boy’s eyes fluttered closed, and he brought his arms up around the other’s neck. They were adorable.

The shorter boy opened his eyes and noticed me for the first time. He pulled away, breaking their kiss. The taller one looked confused for a second before turning his head around to see me as well. Once he did, his eyes went huge, and he put his hands on the other boy’s chest to push him away. The shorter boy stumbled backwards, losing his balance and slamming down hard against the chain-link fence guarding the old estate.

What kind of fucking monster treats someone like that? One second you’re kissing him, and the next you’re pushing him to the ground?

My feet took over my brain and I hurried towards them.

“Hey! Why would you do that?”

I walked straight past the aggressor and over to the boy on the ground.

“Are you okay?”

He looked up at me, his eyes wide with panic, his breathing shallow and strained. God, he had the fucking wind knocked out of him.

“He’s fine; he just fell,” the bastard said from behind me as I helped the boy back to his feet.

I held onto his arms as he steadied himself and brushed some dirt off the side of his pants.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered quietly. “I j-just f-fell.”

“No, you didn’t,” I disagreed softly. “He pushed you, I saw him. That’s not right.”

The boy's eyes went wide as he stared up into mine. They—his eyes—were big and beautiful, the color of maple syrup. I wanted to swim in them. Our exchange was cut short when a forceful hand grabbed my forearm and jerked me back away from the boy.

I spun around to face the taller one, who still had a death grip on my arm.

“Hey, piss off!” he said, raising his voice. “He said he’s fine. You can go now.”

I stared at the guy with disgust, balling my right hand into a fist. I’d never been in a fight before, but I was ready to knock this guy's lights out.

The curly-haired boy got between us, forcing his “friend” to let go of my arm.

“R-really, I’m f-fine,” he said, forcing an unconvincing smile to splay across his lips. He turned back to the taller one and said, “Let’s just go.”

And, with that, he walked away down the sidewalk.

The taller one and I stared angrily at each other for a few more moments before he finally turned and started to jog away, catching up with the other.

I cupped my hands over my mouth. “Just so you know… If I was lucky enough to get a kiss from a cute boy like you, I’d never push you away.” But only the taller one looked back.

“Faggot!”

That was hilariously ironic. He was the one kissing a boy in the middle of the street. There were several things about myself I was ashamed of, but being gay wasn’t one of them.

Once they had turned the corner and were out of sight, a fresh wave of panic washed over me. I slid my sweaty palms down the front of my jeans.

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