Page 11 of What I've Tasted of Desire

Alex looked up and took his left headphone out of his ear as the same waitress that had just taken my order approached his table carrying a small silver tray. Alex favored her with a smile—lucky girl!—as she set his plate down in front of him.

I couldn’t hear them over the din of the crowded restaurant, but I’m assuming she asked if he needed anything else. Some sort of solicitous waitress patter. Alex shook his head, chestnut curls escaping his ear’s hold. He pushed his hair out of his face as she walked away. He reached over, picked up his hat, and used it to wrangle his curls out of his face so he could eat.

“You beautiful boy,” I murmured under my breath.

I hated having his back towards me, but this was as close as I’d been to him in years. There wasn’t a window, or a building, or a city block between us. Just a mere 40 feet or so. Two booths!

God, why was it so hot in here?

At any moment, Alex could look over his shoulder and lock eyes with me… but he didn’t. Instead, Alex began his meal with the side, as usual. He liked to have his side dish as a sort of appetizer. With burgers, he liked onion rings, if given the option. He wouldn’t touch the burger until he’d eaten each and every onion ring.

At first, I used to think maybe he just really liked fries and onion rings, but I quickly observed that he did that with all foods. Mashed potatoes, vegetables, rice… that was all consumed before the protein.

When the waitress brought my plate, I thanked her and immediately handed her a $20 bill out of my wallet and told her to keep the change. Alex was a quick eater, and I needed to be able to get out of here before he walked past me.

I made quick work of the onion rings, and took three or four bites of the burger before the waitress dropped Alex’s check off. I took one last mouthful and threw my coat around my shoulders, hurtling through the restaurant. I looked over my shoulder just as I hit the entrance and saw Alex stand up from the table.

I jogged through the parking lot and ducked behind the hedge line of the gas station on the corner. Three minutes later, Alex came sauntering past at a leisurely pace. Despite the freezing temperature, my boy was in no hurry. He’d wrapped his scarf around the bottom half of his face, and pulled his coat tightly around himself, his hands in his coat pockets.

“I wouldn’t be in a hurry to get back to that roach’s nest either, baby boy. We gotta get you outta there.”

Once he was far enough ahead, I began my walk, keeping enough distance so he wouldn’t hear my boots hitting the snow and turn around. I kept to the sides of the street, hopping shadow to shadow. It wasn’t hard to hide from him, unfortunately. Vigilance was just not in that boy’s DNA.

A flip switched in my brain and terror washed over me, colder than the winter’s wind.

His room… you didn’t clear the motel room!

I normally stopped by and checked out his room before I walked him home. I was late, and had to go straight to Westing House. Homeless people liked to break into the motel rooms during the day and sleep. I’d watched one of them break into the room three down from his the other night.

It was too late now. We were too close to the motel; I’d never get ahead of him enough to check the room and not have him see me.

Fuck!

Careless mistakes like this are going to get him hurt one day…

I shook my head and said a silent prayer that everything would be fine when he walked into the room. Alex waited on the corner for the light to change, and, as he crossed the street, I held back. The parking lot of the motel was well lit; there weren't any good places to hide. Once Alex was inside, I’d cross the street.

I squinted, trying to see him more clearly as he approached his room. He swung the door open and I craned my neck trying to see past the threshold. The light was already on inside and, from what I could see, the room was empty. Unless someone was hiding in the bathroom, all was clear. Alex had left the lights on this morning; he didn’t like coming back to a dark space.

Alex was still adjusting to being by himself. Having grown up in foster care, there were always people around him. He had the other boys when he was trapped with Barbara, and then he had the Millers after that. This was the first time he was sleeping somewhere all by himself.

I wish I could hold him.

Alex walked into the room, but left the door open behind him. I watched through the open door as he walked across the room to the heating unit on the wall and turned it off. He unwrapped his scarf and took his hat off and tossed them down onto the bed.

“What are you doing, baby? Close the door,” I said under my breath.

After a minute, he walked back across the room, looked out into the empty parking lot and, thankfully, closed the door. His curtains were already pulled, so I finally crossed the street and tip-toed up to his door waiting to hear… well, anything, I guess.

It wasn’t long before I heard him start the shower through the paper-thin door. He hadn’t screamed, and there were no other noises… all was clear. Alex was settled in for the night.

I headed back in the direction of the diner to pick up my car, grateful and thrilled I’d gotten to be so close to him today.

Chapter Six

“Our Heavenly Father gives each one of us a purpose. To love one another in times of both joy and sorrow. To feed your neighbor when they are hungry. To protect those who need it the most. To love unconditionally and fully. And most importantly, to judge not.”

Father McKinnley paused his sermon as he glanced down over the two closed caskets just in front of the podium where he presided. “I’ve known Megan and James for over 20 years. I was in James’ class. We walked the high school graduation stage together. Megan was a year behind, but celebrated the day with us with as much excitement and enthusiasm as if it had been her own.”

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