Page 14 of What I've Tasted of Desire

On one hand, it told me he was ready to move on from Tom and find something new. But, on the other hand, the thought of another man touching him was enough to make my blood boil. It was time to stop fucking around. This whole thing was going to fall apart if Alex became interested in someone else.

I had already ordered the clothing with the proper Emberford Fire Department branding on it. It was easy enough to do by hacking into the city’s poorly-guarded intranet. Shirts, jacket, navy blue cargo pants.

I’d also found out that there was another Gabriel Vasquez who actually worked for EFD, but he’d died years ago in the line of duty. Like the heavens opening up and shining on me, I knew it was kismet. God himself had intended this to work out for Alex and me. It was the perfect cover. Once Alex and I had met, and had a chance to get to know each other, I’d tell Alex about my inheritance, and I could “retire” from the dangerous job. As long as I kept up with my investments and made good choices, I could set it up to where we wouldn’t have to work ever again. We could just spend our days leisurely relaxing on a beach somewhere. Take a cruise. A food and wine tour of Italy, perhaps? Alex was about to be 19, but I was pretty sure there wasn’t really a drinking age in other countries. That’s what I’d always heard, anyway.

The intrusive thought was enough to give me pause and pull my phone out of my back pocket to Googledrinking age in Italy.I was relieved to see that it was 18.

We were in the clear there. Not that I wouldn’t be willing to wait; I’d waited for Alex for years at this point.

What if Alex doesn't even like you?

I chewed on my bottom lip as I marinated in the unpleasant thought. I just had to be the man that Alex needed. To mold myself into a perfect specimen in the image he desired. I’d worked my ass off tolookthe part; now, I just had to be emotionally available to him, treat him like the prince he was, and we’d have our Happily Ever After. I just needed to prove myself as a kind and loving partner.

I let my gaze wander around the room. There were a million places I could hide cameras in here, but I wouldn’t. Alex deserved his privacy, and I reminded myself that I didn't need to seeeverything.Being able to see his beautiful face in real time whenever I wanted was an absolutely delicious thought, but I restrained myself.

Soon enough, I would be in Alex’s life for real, and I wouldn’t even need cameras. I would justbewith him. I let that thought wrap around me like a warm hug as I imagined Alex sleeping in after a long night of passion. He’d come tip-toeing down the stairs, bleary-eyed and still half-asleep. I’d meet him in the kitchen and wrap my arms around him as the coffee brewed. He’d stretch himself up against me to meet my lips, and I’d taste his mouth before starting breakfast. We’d sit across from each other talking about the news, or what was on our agenda for the day… simple perfection.

I sighed and looked around the small space. My work was finished, and it was time for me to head out. No reason to linger somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be for longer than necessary… even if the room did smell just like him.

I took one last long breath in through my nose, luxuriating in the subtle notes of fruity shampoo he’d started using recently, and left the office. The house was still in shambles, but they had made a lot of progress since the last time I’d been inside. I wanted to check the upstairs, but decided against it as I passed the back staircase and left Westing House.

I was about halfway home when my phone screen lit up. The mirroring app I had installed on Alex’s phone last year was letting me know Alex was listening to music.

“Can’t sleep again, baby?”

I let the app take over my phone so I could listen along with Alex. Adele’s sultry voice filled the car’s interior with a song of longing. Alex was feeling lonely and restless, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in my arms and kiss all his melancholy away. He could curl up next to me and drift off to sleep, feeling comforted and loved. He wasn’t used to sleeping in a place all on his own. Especially a shitty motel on the side of the highway. As the song neared its end, Alex restarted it, which normally meant he was crying. My heart sank. I turned the car around at the next intersection to head back towards the motel.

I cut my headlights as I pulled into the parking lot. I could see light peeking through the edges of his curtains. The rest of the rooms were dark. Once I was parked, I opened up the glove box and pulled out the envelope of pictures. I had hundreds at that point, but these were some of my favorites.

On top of the stack was the very first picture I ever took of him, over two years ago. He hadn’t changed much. Still the same sweet boy with a crooked smile and a mess of curls. He’d filled out some since moving in with the Millers. They actually cared whether he had enough to eat or not. They really were just a lovely older couple with hearts of gold. I was so thankful to them for taking such good care of Alex. Especially after the horrors he’d experienced with Barbara.

The next snap was a clear profile shot of Alex eating a french fry. I’d taken it through the large window he liked to sit in front of at the diner by Westing House. They had gotten all messed up when the envelope slipped off the driver’s seat the other day, and were no longer in chronological order like I normally kept them. I’d need to get them organized again. The next one was taken a little over a year ago when Alex went to the water park with his senior class. Hedid nothave a good time.

From the moment he got there, he was miserable. He didn’t like exposing his body in public, so swimsuits were pretty much a no-go for him. I hadn't been able to figure out why. He’d always been on the thinner side, even with proper nutrition, but he was fit. I’d always thought he was absolutely gorgeous.

When I first started looking after Alex, he was only 16. Right off the bat, I swore I would do my best to avoid sexualizing him at all, given the gap in our ages and him being a minor. I think any grown man who wants to have sex with an underage teenager should have their dick nailed to the floor of a burning building. I also decided not to meet him until he was both 18, and in a stable-enough place physically and mentally to make his own decisions. I wasn’t a saint, but I also was not a fucking groomer. I could have met him almost a year ago, but he wasn’t ready. Every wasted day hurt my heart, but I waited for him.

He was still convinced that Tom was the love of his life. Despite how painful it was to watch him get his heart broken by that man time and time again, I never interfered. I’d watched them for years, and I knew two things for certain. Number One: Alex was the right person for Tom. Number Two: Tom wasnotthe right person for Alex. And I said that with all bias aside.

The best thing Tom could do would be to pull his head out of his ass and commit to Alex. Fortunately for me, Tom still hadn’t tired of smelling his own shit. He’d started an affair with some plastic princess to gain access to her father’s company and secure himself a good job and a loaded bank account. And he’d been successful, despite how gut-wrenching the entire situation was to Alex. But now, he’d fucked up and gotten said princess pregnant, and that was the final straw.

Alex broke it off with Tom and refused to have sex with him anymore. I couldn’t be prouder of my boy—I knew he would get there eventually. As beaten down as that young man had been his entire life, he’d still managed to love himself enough to know that the situation wasn’t good for him anymore.

That was, perhaps, the thing I adored most about Alex. God had filled that boy with so much love when He was making him that all the hatred that had been thrown at Alex his entire life seemed to bounce right off. Love for animals, love for others, love for himself. And I prayed everyday that I would eventually be worthy of receiving even an iota of it.

Alex re-started the song again, crushing my heart. “I’ll be with you soon, baby,” I whispered. “I know this is really hard, and I want nothing more than to be with you right now. To kiss away all your tears. To wrap my arms around you and hold you against me until all your sadness slips away.”

I swiped at my eyes and cleared my throat. It absolutely destroyed me when Alex had nights like that. I flipped through a few more photos, stopping at one of Alex on a Ferris wheel at the county fair last fall. He’d gotten a haircut over the summer, the shortest he’d ever gone, clipped close at the sides and left a little shaggier on top. Alex always looked incredible, but I’m glad he didn’t take a particular fancy to that style. He liked his hair longer, and so did I.

I looked up as Alex’s room went dark, and he finally let the playlist move on to the next track. Now that he’d had his good cry, he’d drift off to sleep in about 10 minutes.

“Good night, Alex. Sweet dreams.”

Chapter Eight

Benjamin Trafton was a 23-year-old grad student at the University of Emberford studying finance, no doubt to follow in his father, Jacob Trafton’s footsteps in one day taking over the family's investment firm. He played football in college and made it his entire identity—that, and being a spoiled brat with a gold-plated buttplug.

He'd been born into fifth-generation wealth and gone to private school his entire life. When he was 19, he crashed his Porsche on Highway 5 after leaving a frat party. His father had managed to sweep most of it under the rug, despite the fact that two other people were hospitalized because of his stupidity. Despite that little faux pas, Benny-boy played by the rules. He got good grades and had a very bright future. But his greatest accomplishment by far was managing to secure a date with my Alex.

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