Page 62 of Pack Down Bad

The only thing keeping me in the passenger’s seat is knowing that I won’t be able to think with a clear head if I don’t take some space for myself now.

I want Knox, Rhys, and Percy. I want to keep them desperately. There’s no denying the attraction, and the joy I felt just spending time with them in their home. I think winding up back at the cabin is inevitable.

I just want to make sure I’m going into things with my eyes wide open now that my memories are fully intact again. Once I’ve processed everything that happened,thenI’ll be able to forgive them for the lies that admittedly did help give us plenty of time to get closer.

My mantra is clear:I’m coming back.

My return is only a matter of grounding myself and figuring out logistics. I’ll stay in my apartment for a few weeks or maybe months, tops. Before I know it, I’ll be driving my repaired car–or a new one–back up the mountain to return to my men.

“Are you daydreaming over there?” Mia asks curiously, no hint of teasing in her voice.

“A little bit,” I admit.

“Well, I’ll stop trying to corner you into talking about the bar. A lot has happened for you since then. Do you want to talk about it? Aboutthem?”

“Yes.” I let out a sigh of relief. I do want to talk about them. About every little detail I’ve learned about them and about how wonderful they all are. “But I’m not sure where to start.”

Mia tosses her hair with a laugh. “How about you start at the beginning?”

ChapterThirty-One

Belle

“This is my office,” I recite out loud for the sixteenth time.

My statement is factual. From the moment I moved into this particular apartment three years ago, this second bedroom has been my office. The wooden desk I’ve carted with me since childhood is planted next to the only window in the room, the view from which is nothing to write home about since it faces the parking lot.

On top of my desk is my laptop and a mess of notes from my most recent project, which I emailed to Percy last night with a short note to say I hoped the book would live up to his standards.

And because I’m a reader as much as I’m a writer, I have disorganized bookshelves packed full and lining three of the four walls in here. I can only see the top three shelves right now from my vantage point, lying like a starfish in the middle of the floor, my gaze mostly aimed at the blank ceiling.

I’m trying to reorient myself to my own space, but...

All I can think about is how my book collection pales in comparison to Percy’s library.

At this point, I’ve spent the last twenty-two hours back home comparing life in my apartment to life with the pack in pretty much every way possible.

Life here comes up short in every way.

The bed is too small and lonely. My shower is cramped, and there’s no soaking tub. The small television in my living room doesn’t have a very clear picture. My apartment’s views are either a parking lot, a brick wall, or the overgrown grass in the empty lot next to my building. I’ve now added my lacking book collection to my list of complaints.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that I added salt, lemon juice, and vanilla to my cereal this morning while thinking about Rhys.

Nearly spitting out my first bite of breakfast was the first time I’ve felt the comfort ofhomesince I walked back into my apartment yesterday afternoon.

I was so proud to be able to afford this apartment when my book sales picked up, but now I’m faced with a new reality: This place blows. In all fairness, I think any place would pale in comparison after feeling like I was living in a dream at the cabin.

I’ve always loved nature. One of my favorite things is taking a book into the woods and finding a place to set up my hammock for a day of reading. So, living in the woods? A dream come true. Deciding to come back here was crazy. I can’t think straight here. All I can think about is how much I miss my alphas.

“I could masturbate,” I muse, but I dismiss that idea quickly.

No reason to give myself yet another thing that will fall short of expectation now that I’ve had a taste of the good life. I can’t ruinorgasmsfor myself!

With every passing minute, the answer I came to seek becomes clearer.

My place is with Knox, Rhys, and Percy. My alphas. At home, in their cabin, lost in the wilderness with them... thirty-ish minutes from town. I genuinely don’t believe they’ll ever lie to me again like they did. They made a split-second decision that I’m not angry about in the slightest, so I’m not going to let that keep us apart.

The truth is, I needed to come home and think about what merging our lives would look like. Now I know. There’s nothing here that can’t be left behind besides a few pieces of sentimental furniture and my more personal belongings.

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