Page 28 of Silver Fox's Twin Surprise

"You don't look fine, babe." Rose walked up to me and pressed her hand on my cheek, and I turned away, clenching my jaw. I didn't want to talk to her. I just wanted her to understand that this was my burden and I wasn’t planning to tell her about it.

"I said, I'm fine." I removed her hand from my face and backed away, but I was wise enough even in my drunken state to keep my hand from the whiskey bottle.

"Okay…" she said in a half-hearted tone. "Well, do you want to sit down and talk?" When she asked me that, my gut reaction was to snap. I felt rage well up and make my chest feel like a balloon was expanding inside it. I just told her I was fine, but the whiskey was clouding my judgment.

"No, I don't want to talk about it." I felt bad for biting her head off, but I'd just told her I was fine.

"I meant about my news…" she said, sounding hurt. I watched her lower lip quiver, and she backed away. I felt like a fool, and my heart sank. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, and I'd done it anyway because the alcohol made me misunderstand her.

"Rose, I'm?—"

"Stop," she said, holding her hand up. Her eyes welled up with tears and she backed away another step. "It's obvious you’re going through something and you refuse to talk to me. Where I come from, when you're in a relationship with someone, you don't keep secrets."

"Rose…" I followed as she took off toward my front door, but I swayed as I walked. Not eating lunch and then following that by drinking was a bad choice. I was getting wasted way too early.

"No," she spat, stopping and turning toward me. "I thought we were going somewhere, but I'm not sure what to think about this." Her hand gestured up and down from my head to my feet, and she shook her head. "Call me when you're ready to pull your head out of your ass and have a transparent relationship."

She opened the door and walked out and slammed it behind herself, and I stood there watching out the front window as she stormed down the driveway and climbed into her car. The only thing in my life that seemed to be going right was now going horribly wrong, and I wasn't sure how to feel about that.

I stood there feeling hollow for a while before turning back toward the liquor cabinet to get another drink. I hadn't meant to hurt her and I hated myself for that, but maybe this was for the best. I was a sinking ship, and Rose just caught the last lifeboat before I started sinking. I didn't want her going down with me,anyway. I just hoped I hadn't damaged her permanently. She deserved good things, not trauma.

22

ROSE

The pile of tissues next to me was larger than the tissue box from which I pulled them. I'd been crying a lot more than was healthy, but pregnancy emotions just got to me. I wasn't fond of the morning sickness either, though that had been manageable. I ate some dry saltines before I got out of bed like my mom suggested, and it seemed to help.

I curled up into a ball on the couch and looked at the TV screen where the movie Alana and I were watching was paused. She was sort of my stand-in partner for the moment. Rick had said some hurtful things about me, and she asked him to keep his distance from the apartment for a few days while I dealt with my heart being broken. Right now, she was around the corner at the drugstore getting some more tissues and a pint of ice cream for each of us.

I hadn't spoken with Cole in two weeks. At plus or minus eight weeks pregnant, I knew there was only so much longer I could go without telling him—because I felt like I was already starting to get a baby bump—but I didn't know how to bring it up. Hehadn't been around when I stopped by his office, and he hadn't responded to my texts asking if he was okay, either.

When I showed up at his apartment thinking we would have a discussion about the baby and I'd get a sense for whether he wanted it or not, he bit my head off. I could see he was battling something every day that week, anyway. He was taking off work, showing up late, and I was shocked to find him drunk when I showed up at his house for dinner expecting to tell him he was going to be a father.

Now I didn't know what to do. Cole was going through something and so was I. The problem was that I was more than ready to be vulnerable and honest with him, but he didn't seem to want the same thing. The words Kiki said came back to haunt me. I wondered if this was what she meant by the fact that he didn't want to open up to anyone. Maybe he would never open up enough to trust another woman with his heart and what he was feeling again, and maybe it was never going to work between us.

That thought made me cry harder, just as Alana walked back into the apartment with our ice cream and my tissues. She was used to seeing me cry now, and she assured me that she understood my plight. Being pregnant was a huge step for any woman. Being pregnant when you were single was massive. But with my getting pregnant, knowing she depended on my income to support her as much as I did, and knowing my mother was hours away, my boyfriend couldn't be what I needed right now, and fear over losing my job?

"Hey," she said, sitting down next to me. She'd stopped by the kitchen to grab two spoons and she handed me one, along with a pint of cookie dough ice cream.

I tore the lid off and plunged my spoon into the ice cream as tears streamed down my face. I had no clue why I got myself into this mess. I should’ve listened to Alana to begin with. She may have been wrong about Cole pressuring me or manipulating me because he was older and wealthy too, but she hadn't been wrong about protecting myself.

I wasn't stupid. I knew that things could potentially end up not working out. No relationship was one hundred percent guaranteed, even marriages. Everyone had arguments. Every relationship took work and compromise. I just didn't think I'd end up pregnant and regretting my choices so early on. I thought I had time to process things and make good decisions, and getting drunk one night was just a huge mistake.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, Rose." Alana took a bite of her own ice cream and tried to encourage me, but I knew she was wrong. It wouldn’t be okay. I had a doom and gloom stamp on my forehead. I attracted bad Karma wherever I went, probably thanks to my rebellious teenage years. Mom always said they would come back to haunt me, and look at me now.

"How will it be okay?" I asked through a mouthful of ice cream. "I'm going to have to do this on my own, Alana. What will happen when I have to take a few months off when I give birth? What then?"

"You could still do adoption or…" Her sentence faded away before she said it, and I knew what she was thinking.

"Termination isn't an option." I offered a stony expression and she nodded. "And how could I ever carry this baby to term and then give it up? My heart would never be the same." There was a good chance she couldn't even understand me because I had icecream in my mouth and I was crying, but she offered a soft smile and patted my knee.

"Then I'll help support you."

Her weak attempt at making me feel better was failing. I could see how much she cared and wanted me to feel encouraged, but she couldn’t do this on her own. That was the reason she put that ad in the paper for a roommate. How would she do it while I was on leave, and how could I begin to pay the medical bills? Not to mention the fact that she didn't know thing one about raising a baby and Mom wouldn’t exactly be comfortable staying here for any amount of time.

"I might have to move home," I said, and the sobs rose up before I could choke them back. I didn’t want to move home. I wanted to stay in Denver and work at Twin Peaks. It was something I had strived toward for months before finally getting the interview. It felt like life was falling into place for me, and now it felt like life was falling apart just as quickly.

"Oh…" she said, sighing. "But I feel like we just found each other." Alana touched my leg again and her shoulders drooped. "You know how long I've wanted to have a close friend like you? I don't want you to leave. I'll just get a second job or something to save up for while you're on maternity leave."

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