Page 15 of Christmas in His Arms

"Ryan?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, I invited him to join us for dinner because he's all alone and it's a holiday. Plus, your father is just downright cranky allthe time and Ryan seems to help smooth the rough edges." Mom pursed her lips and shook her head, then walked out, and I shot to my full-length mirror to check out my appearance.

My hair was passable, hanging loosely over my shoulders. The red sweater I picked looked good over my black leggings, but I felt too drab. I had no idea Ryan was coming for dinner and I'd had no time to prepare.

"Now, Carrie!" Mom shouted, and I winced. I would just have to wing it. I tore the red sweater off over my head and snagged my cream-colored shirt dress and tugged it on. It was classier than the sweater but still looked good over my leggings.

By the time I got downstairs, everyone was seated around the table and Mom had Ryan in the chair next to mine. I sat between him and her and felt a bit fluttery as Dad said grace and we served the food. I noticed Ryan checking me out a few times, and it was hard not to have a stupid grin on my face.

Between seeing him again and the news Ethan just gave me, I was giddy all over again. Though the rush of good emotions did little to temper my nausea, which was in full swing. I was now fully convinced that I was pregnant and just living in denial. If it was true, I had more to worry about than Mom nagging me about moving even farther away from home.

Dad and Ryan chatted while we ate, and we were mostly finished eating when the conversation shifted and Ryan turned toward me. "So, Carrie, how did you manage to get so much time off work?" He had no idea the can of worms he was opening by mentioning my work, and I knew if he knew, he never would have brought it up. But it was too late.

"Oh, I'm taking family medical leave. State law means the marketing firm has to hold my job for me, but they completely understood anyway. I'm still being paid. I just have to check in and keep my current accounts up to date. My team is handling things for me." I paused briefly, hoping to take a breath and change the topic again, but before I could even breathe, Mom chimed in.

"Well, dear, if you're so happy at Cox, why would you even think of taking a job farther away? You know Dad needs the help at the store now. They're getting bigger, and with your education, I know you could help." And just like that, the wind rushed out of my sails and I felt deflated.

I cleared my throat as I felt my cheeks begin to burn and stared down at my plate which still had portions of food on it. I couldn't touch the stuff or I'd end up throwing up, which was a sad thing for me. I loved Thanksgiving food, and I was really missing out.

"Mom, I think I've explained that I prefer not to be badgered about working at Dad's shops. I went into marketing with the hopes of working for a big firm." I couldn’t look up at her because I knew if I did, I'd start crying. I was so frustrated and emotional. They always did this to me, and this time, it was even worse because I had to be embarrassed in front of Ryan.

"I'm just saying, with everything your father's going through, he needs your help now more than ever. And after all we've done for you, I think it would be a nice thing for you to help out, don't you think, Ryan?" Mom’s bringing Ryan into this was the last straw.

I bit the inside of my cheek hard and knew If I didn't get up and walk out, the waterworks would start. I forced a smile onto my face, blinked back the tears, and stood up. "I think I'll start clearing the plates," I told her, and I picked up my dirty dishesand walked into the kitchen where I could find relief. Before I got there, the tears were already streaming down my face.

Setting the dishes down by the sink, I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes. I just wanted them to see me as the individual I was and appreciate that I wanted something different for my life from what they envisioned. Had Ryan not been here, that would've devolved into a shouting match with me defending the fact that I was an adult and could make my own choices. Dad strangely sat silent this time, and I was glad. He was usually the loudest.

"Are you okay?" I heard, and I tensed. Ryan had followed me into the kitchen and now I was caught crying. I swiped my eyes and turned around with the same plastic smile as I took his empty plate.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told him, but it was obvious I was not fine.

He took one look at me and frowned. "You're not, though… That was hard, huh?" He took his dishes back from my hands and set them on the counter next to mine, then pulled me into his arms. I sniffled and let him wrap his arms around me.

"So frustrating," I told him, and he kissed the top of my head.

"They care. They just don't understand." It felt good to be nestled into his chest. I relaxed a little, now less concerned about what he thought of the interaction. I felt like he understood my point of view and sided with me. I took a breath and looked up at him, and when I did, he captured my lips in a kiss.

It was gentle but searing, and I smiled. This felt an awful lot like being a teenager and sneaking around behind my parents' backs.

"What was that for?" I asked him.

"Because the most beautiful woman I've ever met should never have to cry, and I wanted to see you smile again." He melted my heart with his words, and I was beginning to think this might be more than just a fling to him. Maybe it was to me too.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said softly. "I'm one of the judges for the ice sculpture contest in a few weeks. I wondered if you'd come and help me judge them? It could be fun."

While the idea of spending time with him did have its appeal, the thought of being in public with all the town gossips made me cringe. I wanted to be with him, but I wasn't certain that the risk of putting myself out there was worth it. I'd just be leaving to go back to Chicago. Ryan wouldn't go with me. He was firmly rooted here. I wondered if I was letting my heart get carried away.

"You don’t think people will talk?" I asked him.

"Let's give them something worth talking about." His wink made my stomach flip more than it already was.

"Alright, I'd like that." My cheeks were warm again, flushed after that kiss. But I pulled away. "You should go back. Mom will come looking, and I don't think her seeing us all cozy like this is a good idea. Not at all how I'd want them to find out."

The tension coiling around my body wasn't the good type that I knew Ryan could help unravel. I was afraid things would only get worse for me if Mom walked into the room.

"Of course." He pecked me on the cheek again and smiled at me before returning to the dining room, and I stood there like a damn fool daydreaming that he could take me right here onmy parents' kitchen counter the way he had his own. What was wrong with me? It was like I had no sense. I was going to nuke my own life again, or at the very least, my heart.

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