Page 15 of Silver Fox's Intern Dilemma

"Higher!" she squealed again, but I was done. I was exhausted from hours of playing and romping and I needed a break.

"Daddy's too tired, baby. And we have to go home soon." I straightened and noticed Leah immediately scowling. It wasn't like her to be in a sullen mood, and I felt bad that the idea of going home had upset her. But I didn't have a choice. I wasn't just being the "no-fun" parent. I wasn't even supposed to have her with me today. Dana asked me to have her home by five, and I had to listen, or little jaunts like this on special days would never happen.

I had finally gotten some time off after a grueling week of surgeries and emergencies at work, and I hoped my asking for more time with Leah was helping Dana see that I really did want to be a good father.

"I don't want to go home," Leah whined, and she dragged her feet when the swing was at its lowest point. She kicked up mulch in both directions as the swing slowly came to a lower arc then stopped. Then she sat there gripping the chains and staring at me with doe eyes. "Can't we just go to your house?"

My heart squeezed at the question. I hated that "going home" and "going to my house" were two different things. I wanted Leah to know my house was her home too, but the minute I said we had to go home, she knew it meant back to her mother's.

"I'm sorry, baby. Mommy wants you to be home for dinner at five, and it's already after four. If we don't hurry, you'll be late, and she might not like that." In the back of my mind, I was happy she wanted to be with me more, but I didn't like the insinuation that she didn't like being at home. "What's wrong with Mommy’s house?" I walked over to her and crouched in front of her as she sat on the swing, and she kicked more mulch at me and it fell near my knees. Her long face troubled me.

"She's not you. I like you.” Leah hung her head, but her hands still gripped the chain tightly. To see her go from being so happy to so upset with only one phrase was concerning.

"I know you like me. I like you too. In fact, I love you and I want you to be happy. But we have to follow the rules." I reached out and wrapped my hand around hers on the chain. "Why don't you like Mommy's house?"

Never in a million years did I ever think Dana would harm Leah. Other than shouting at her, the woman had no motivation to even be a parent. I doubted she even had energy to get up and be physically abusive. She spent most of her time online shopping and blowing through her alimony check.

"She brings her friends over and they're mean. And I have to stay in my room and color. And one time, I colored on the wall and Mommy yelled at me." Leah's honesty was refreshing. I knew kids could lie and be little stinkers about things, but I had never worried about that with Leah. She had always been truthful to me.

"Mommy's friends?" I asked her, wondering who Dana was permitting to be around my daughter in my absence. We both had lives and that meant we had our own circles of friends. But if she was bringing harmful or dangerous people into the home, I'd have to see about stopping that.

"The mans she's dating.” Leah's lip pouted out.

"You mean men?" I said, and she scowled at me.

"Sarah told me that dating is when your mom brings a man home and they eat dinner." Leah's best friend had two older sisters of dating age and after being caught trying to kiss a young boy under the bleachers at recess, that same friend had been given a detention. I wished Dana would have stepped in and not let Leah be exposed to that sort of thing, but clearly, she was too busy moving on with her life.

"Honey, why do you think those men are mean?" I asked her, prying a little. I didn’t think for a second that Dana would harbor a child abuser, but I couldn't be too careful. Still, I didn'twant Leah to repeat any information I said back to her mother without Dana having context for it.

"Because they tell Mommy I’m too loud and then she makes me go to bed early." She wrestled her hand away from mine and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't like them. Can I go to your house?"

My heart broke. My little girl wasn't happy with life the way it was and I felt like it was my fault. If only I'd been able to hold things together better, Dana wouldn't have left and my family would be whole. But hindsight is twenty-twenty, and no amount of remorse or regret would go back and change the past.

I stood and held my hand out to Leah, who took it and stood with me. She walked with me with her head drooping, and we headed toward the car.

"I'm sorry, baby, but you have to wait until next weekend. You can't come to my house today. Alright?" I didn't think anything from Dana's house sounded dangerous, though I was disappointed that she didn't stand up for her own child, instead shutting her away in the bedroom to keep her "boyfriends" happy. I was wise enough to know a child sees things differently too, but I planned to be more observant just in case.

"I just wish I could be with you." Leah kicked a rock, and I decided to change the subject. Hearing about how Dana was moving on and dating was bittersweet. I never harbored any hope that we'd get back together—I was done with her after the way she handled things during the divorce. But I had mixed emotions about moving on.

Part of me felt like by adding a new woman to the situation, I was betraying my vows, though those vows had been dissolved in a court of law. But I also didn’t want to do to Leah what Dana was doing. I might really hit it off with someone, but if Leah didn't like them, it was pointless. Dating would be twice as hard.

"What do you think about my friend?" I asked her thoughtfully. Leah had spent enough time with Sophia now that I figured she was able to form an opinion of her own.

This week had been so busy rushing from one surgery to another, then catching Leah's gymnastics meets on Tuesday and Thursday, I only had time for one after-work session with Sophia, and Leah had to be there again. It devolved into a game of Go Fish and a lot of laughter. Sophia and I still hadn't had that talk, but while she was on my mind, I figured I'd get my daughter's thoughts.

"Sophia?" she asked, and her eyebrows went up.

"Yeah, what do you think of her?"

I didn't have to ask her twice. Leah seemed excited to talk about Sophia. "I really like her. She says I'm a good reader, and she likes to play games. I want to watch the superhero movie with her. Last time, I fell asleep and I was waiting for you." Leah dove off into a rambling bunny trail of thoughts about Sophia, and my heart felt warm and full that my child—who seemed to very strongly dislike her mother's new paramours—enjoyed the prospect of having Sophia around more.

The conversation continued all the way across town, though I asked her to not talk about Sophia around her mother, which she promised to do. I didn’t need Dana having any other reason to lecture or nag me. I didn't even know what the heck was happening between me and Sophia, and I wondered if I was setting my daughter up for heartbreak now.

The thing between me and my intern really shouldn’t be happening at all, but I'd lost any semblance of self-control around her. Maybe that was why I had snatched up any patient I could to keep myself so busy this week. I couldn't face the fact that I really liked her and wanted to see where this went, because I knew it was against hospital policy. And I couldn't bring myself to tell her it had to stop now—because I didn't want it to stop.

I wanted Sophia Chen more than I had ever wanted any other woman, and that spelled disaster just waiting to happen.

13

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