Page 6 of Silver Fox's Intern Dilemma

I headed back toward the doctors’ lounge feeling a little annoyed but letting her thoughts play out in my head. She just got under my skin the way my family always did, but part of what she said made a good point. I was too focused on needing to prove myself at all times, I let that pressure I put on myself get in the way of what I actually knew. If I could distract myself with something else and not pressure myself, I'd do much better. I could just focus on anything and give my brain a break from the obsession of being the best.

I dived back into work, happy to have been chosen by Dr. Thornton to assist him when Dr. Briggs was readily available. I was moving up and that gave me a boost of confidence. I helped him, and everything he asked, I was able to come back with the right response every time, helping him and finishing the surgery with ease.

When we were scrubbing out, Dr. Thornton was talkative, walking through the things we did in surgery and laying them out perfectly. He seemed happy enough with my performance and I was proud of myself too. Nothing could've felt better.

"You really did a great job in there. I'm impressed yet again, Dr. Chen. Well done," he said, reaching for a towel to dry his hands. He handed me one as I turned to him, feeling my heart well and my confidence soar.

Then the worst thing imaginable in my mind happened. He smiled at me broadly and I swore I saw him wink. My belly flipped and flopped, and all I could see was an incredibly stunning creature God created—not my boss, not a skilled surgeon. He was a work of art, chiseled jawline, stunning blue eyes, and worst of all, it made my body feel like an inferno. I got flustered all over again, and this time, it wasn't a lack of self-confidence.

Maylin had gotten in my head. I was aroused. I was attracted to my boss, and I wanted so badly to keep this heat burning.

"Thanks," I mumbled, swallowing hard.

I finally breathed when he walked out of the room saying, "See you in my office," over his shoulder.

What the heck was I even doing?

6

JACK

Dr. Chen sat across from me in my tiny office space again for the second time this week. I was continually impressed as we went over the surgical replay. Step by step, she provided me with a breakdown of what we did. She knew it inside and out, as if she'd studied the textbook and memorized the very routine procedure of removing gallstones.

I listened pointedly and praised her when it was appropriate, but I was more interested in studying the sincerity on her face. The genuine passion she had showed through her expression when she got into the discussion. And there was something different about her today. She kept making eye contact with me, hanging on every word I said. I liked it, though it wasn't because it gave me a confidence boost.

I got to look directly into her eyes and see the gold flecks dotting her brown irises. And she spoke with such intensity at times, I found myself being drawn to her, smiling and truly feeling engaged.

"You have so much knowledge, Sophia. How can you be so passionate and confident in the operating theater, then so backward and flustered during rounds and lecture?" My words were a genuine question. As a man who was intrigued by andeven slightly attracted to her, I just wanted to know more about her.

Unfortunately, my question struck a nerve. Her cheeks immediately flushed red and she looked down, biting her lip. I watched the blossom of her personality wilt like a desert flower, and she shrugged. Her shoulders drooped. Her posture shrank back, and I got the feeling she was feeling foolish.

"Hey, I didn't mean that in a negative way. Remember, I'm here to help you build that confidence up so you can have the same bold and decisive personality at all times. That’s part of my job as a mentor." My fingers itched to reach out and lift her chin up so she'd look at me, which told me I wasn’t just saying these things as a mentor. I was crossing a line by letting myself feel what I was feeling—drawn to her, emotionally invested in her…

When she did look up, it looked like she'd been blinking away tears. "I'm sorry," she told me, but an apology wasn't what I wanted. I was interested in getting to the bottom of this, as a man and as her leader.

"I can't help you get over what's going on if you don't just tell me. I realize this might seem a bit forward since I'm your boss, but I'm here to listen if you think talking would help." I sat back in my chair and quickly regretted it. I wasn't able to lounge backward and relax. My chair was smashed up against the far wall and when I leaned, I bumped my head. I was just glad for a second that she was distracted. I felt like an idiot, trying to be cool and looking like a dummy.

"It's just that my parents are both very honorable doctors. Dad is a cardio-thoracic surgeon. Mom is a well-known obstetrician. My brothers both did their residencies at Cambridge in Boston.” Her lips turned downward into a pout. "We've lived in Denver my whole life. I didn’t want to go out of state for my residency. UC wasn't accepting surgical residents by the time I signed up. They were full, so.”

"So you settled for Twin Peaks and your parents aren't pleased?" I asked, realizing there was so much more than a lack of self-confidence going on. Coming from a family of middle-class working parents, I felt the pressure too. Except mine wasn't to be the best to keep the family tradition alive. My pressure stemmed from being the first college graduate after four generations of coal miners and garbage men.

I changed the course of my family history forever, and my gut told me Dr. Chen was afraid of doing the same thing, but for opposite reasons.

"I just have to do well. They hate that I took this particular internship because they don't see this hospital as reputable. They want me in Maryland or Massachusetts. They think I can't learn what I need to learn here, and I don't want to move away. I want to prove to them that no matter where I am, I will get the education I need. I can be successful."

The more she spoke, the more I felt my heart becoming invested in her story. I could physically feel the weight she was under trying to prove herself to her parents. Mine would have been happy if I'd have just ended up as a general practitioner or even just a nurse. They'd have been proud because I finished college and did something they couldn't do. I was the golden boy in their eyes.

Sophia had all this legacy to live up to, especially with siblings who were already following that path. And with a name like Chen, I imagined her parents were probably very strict too. Call it a stereotype, but I'd heard that Asian cultures really pushed their children to excel, and for good reason. It produced highly educated and high-performing adults. I just saw the pressure it was putting on her shoulders.

"Then I'll help," I told her, speaking from my heart, not from my brain. I winced inwardly as I realized I was taking on more work at a time my ex was pushing me to back off and be therefor Leah. But I couldn’t very well let my student flounder due to family pressure. I pulled a card out of my desk drawer and a pen, then scrawled my personal cell phone number on it. "Here, my personal line. I think we should do more one-on-ones."

Sophia took the card from my hand and looked at it thoughtfully, then narrowed her eyes. "Won't Dr. Briggs be jealous that you're devoting more individual time to my training?" Her tongue flicked over her bottom lip, drawing my gaze away from her eyes, and I smiled at her thoughtful heart.

"I have to say, Dr. Chen, I've never had a student with such promise before. I don't think my offering you extra attention outside of our mandatory schedule will affect anything. Besides, Dr. Briggs is a professional." I looked up as my door swung open without a knock and my first instinct was to feel frustrated by the interruption.

Then I saw the bright green eyes of my baby girl and the broad grin on her face as she waltzed into the tiny space like she owned it. Her red hair had been tied up into pigtails. The designer sweater she wore was stained—evidence that Dana was still making poor choices. Buying a child a three-hundred-dollar sweater made no sense. She could've gotten the thirty-dollar knock-off and when it got stained, it would've been no big deal.

"Daddy!" Leah squeezed past the end of my desk and the door banged into the wall. My attention was focused on her as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek with sloppy lips. "I'm coming to your house again. Can we play Candy Land?"

---