Page 40 of Merry Mix-Up

Jade's gaze returned to my face again, and I saw more tears in her eyes, but I didn't even give her a chance to let them out. I covered her mouth with mine and kissed her hard, searching her mouth with my tongue then biting her lower lip as I pulled away.

"I…" She looked pleasantly surprised and blinked back the rest of her tears.

"I mean it." I kissed her again, simultaneously pulling her against my body hard. I didn't care who was watching or what they'd say. I was in love and I needed her to know it. When I pulled away, I said, "I don't care what happened yesterday or the day before that. I need you in my life, Jade."

When I said her name and she smiled, I realized yet another thing. She hated me saying "Amber" when we were having sex because it made her feel guilty or awkward. My God, I couldn't wait to grunt her name while I was fucking her.

"I got a room. I planned it more than a week ago. I thought—" I cut myself off, not wanting to rehash any negative things right now. "I want you to stay with me tonight."

The music was coming to an end, and I wanted nothing more than to skip the rest of the reception and head straight to the room, but she politely backed away and bowed to me. "After cake," she said, then she pulled me off the dance floor toward the cake table and I followed with a massive grin.

I thought I had my life planned out—build my firm in Chicago and then move to New York to trade stocks. I thought eventually, along the way, I'd meet someone traveling my same direction and make a life with them too, but I never expected it to bring me back to Danville and my roots. But there was something about Jade that made me want to rearrange everything I had planned just to be with her. I'd throw it all away if she asked me.

She was the one. Of that I was certain.

27

JADE

The music continued to play, but Newt and I found a quiet table away from the noise and lights. He picked a slice of chocolate cake for each of us and two forks, and we watched what was going on more than anything else. My body was antsy, nervous about being alone with him as if it were the first time we'd spend a night together. Obviously, it wasn't, but my nervous system was on overload for some reason.

Now I had no anonymity. There was no persona to hide behind. Of course, we'd had sex before, but only when he thought I was my twin. Now I was me, well and truly, right down to the purple streak in my hair which he didn't seem to notice or point out. Following some of his comments over the past few weeks, I wondered if he was riding the skirt tail of a fantasy he dreamed up about Amber or if he was really willing to give me a shot. He said he loved me, but I had doubts.

"It's good," he shouted over the din of music, and rather than make my voice hoarse, I shoved a bite of cake into my mouth and nodded. It was delicious, and I was glad Naomi and Jared had chosen to make at least some of the cake chocolate. It melted in my mouth and served as a good distraction from the way Newt's knees seemed to bump into mine on purpose under the table.

Amber was having a good time too, dancing with the rest of the wedding party and Derek. Jared and Derek weren't particularly close, but it would have made more sense for them to pick him over Newt. He fit right in while Newt stuck out like a sore thumb because of his age and his personality. Just like I would have.

"Want to get out of here?" he asked, shouting again, but I shook my head. I had to talk to Amber before I did anything with Newt. I knew what my voicemail message said to him, and I knew what I'd told him last night when I explained it all. But I didn’t know what Amber told him or how she'd feel about my really dating Newt.

"Gotta find my sis," I yelled, and then I stood. He grinned at me as I shoved the last bite of cake into my mouth and wiped with a napkin before sashaying off to find Amber.

She was flailing around to some upbeat tune and almost elbowed me as I approached, but I managed to grab her wrist and pull her away. She shouted something at Naomi but allowed me to lead her to the bathroom where the music was muffled and normal volume speech was possible.

"What is it?" she asked, and she turned to check out her appearance in the mirror. Red was a good color for her, though I always thought she looked better in green like me.

"Uh… I just need to…" I bit my lip. "I wanted to see if…" Why was it so difficult to talk to her now? After being around her friends posing as her, I learned a lot about what they thought of me, and even what she allowed, too. Maybe she even thought some of those things, and while I shouldn’t have let it get to me, it had.

"Jade, what's wrong?" Amber turned to focus on me instead of her own appearance, and I rubbed my face.

"Newt said he loves me," I blurted out. "He got us a room at the lodge tonight, which was probably meant for 'Amber', but I'm not Amber and I'm super nervous and?—"

"Babe," Amber said, taking my hands. "Don't overthink this."

I opened my eyes and let my gaze settle on her serious expression. Self-doubt had become my first reaction now, and I didn't know how to change that. How could everyone like me better as her? What if Newt felt the same way?

"Amber, none of your friends like me. I had to listen to all of them rag on how awful your twin is. They mocked me and criticized different things about me. But when I was you, they loved me. They thought the world of me. Newt only knows me as you…" My lip quivered, but I didn’t feel like crying. I felt like vomiting.

"Yeah, I understand that…" She let her shoulders drop. "I feel like maybe I didn't help that much. We're sisters and we bicker, and they're my friends so I complain to them. They used to just tell me that I was dumb, that I had a sister to do everything with, and they'd shoot me down. Now I guess they just got used to me complaining, but I swear I don't tolerate it anymore. I shut them up and defend you."

"Now, like after the twin swap?" I asked, feeling degraded. My own sister had to defend my honor. What sort of person did that make me or her?

"No, like the last few years." She leaned against the wall and sighed. "I'm really proud of you for doing what you're doing. That dress is amazing, Jayjay. Even Naomi admits it. You have a gift, and you're doing what you are created for. You make gorgeous clothes."

The compliment started to thaw that icy part of my heart that wanted to be angry with her. I totally understood how she needed someone to complain to. If I had friends, I'd complain about her from time to time too.

"Newt got to know you. He just thought your name was something different." She smiled and squeezed my hand. "Just trust that he will love you as much as I love you." Amber hooked her pinky around mine, and I took a deep breath to relax.

She was right. All I could do was be myself and hope that was good enough. I never hid my true personality. I only hid my true passions, which he knew about anyway. Any time he asked me questions about "my twin, Jade", I gave him straight answers.

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