Page 35 of Merry Mix-Up

"I should have done what you said from the beginning, and I'm sorry I shouted at you and took any of this out on you." Her arms tightened, and I cried a little harder. It was too little, too late. If she'd just have let me tell Newt weeks ago, I could be with him. I’d have him now.

"You really love him, don't you?"

The soft question helped my heart grow still. It was a blanket in the cold of night that wrapped around my heart and brought comfort. Of course the reason it hurt so badly was because Iwas so deeply in love with him. I nodded but I didn't speak, and Amber squeezed harder. We weren't like this—weren't the type to be lovey-dovey or super affectionate with each other. It was like she demanded to break all stereotypes of twins with me because Mom had pushed them so hard. But here we were, being real sisters for a change.

"I'm gonna try to fix this, Jayjay. I don't know what type of guy Newt is or if he will even care if I apologize, but I don't want my baby sister to be hurting like this."

I winced, hating when she called me that. "It was two fucking minutes," I grumbled, and she snickered.

"See, you're already feeling more like yourself."

"I hate you," I told her, but I didn't mean it. I knew all she wanted was to be successful at her schooling while being there for her best friend. If I hadn't believed she had the best intentions, I never would have agreed to help her out.

"I love you," she whispered, and then she withdrew. I heard her leave the bedroom. Then I heard some rustling in the other room, then the closet door open and shut, then the front door. When the house was silent, I pulled the blanket around me more snugly and closed my eyes.

Amber—the real Amber this time—was off to deliver a dress, and I was here feeling sorry for myself. I hoped sleep would come. If not, I'd resort to a stiff drink, or three. I didn't figure Newt would look at her twice, but I did fully expect Naomi to understand, even if she wasn't happy or didn't laugh like she could. I knew their friendship would be fine. I just didn't know if my heart would be.

24

NEWT

Dad's old pickup truck bumped along the fresh coat of ice on the roads from last night's storm. Naomi beckoned me again, this time after having been told off by Jared for backing out of the ceremony. I felt awful, but I didn't see what the big deal was. They had the other four attendants and if Naomi was smart, she'd have cut Amber off too.

When I pulled up in front of Naomi's place, I didn't want to get out. I figured she'd pull the little sister card and try to force me to still be a part of the ceremony. I loved her, but she was lucky I was even willing to agree to come to it after what happened. I'd have to tolerate Amber, but it would be from a distance, not up close and personal like it would have been. I shut off the truck and sat there staring at the house. I wanted to just turn it back on and keep driving until I was in Chicago.

The truck cooled off substantially and I began to get cold too. I had to face up to Naomi's frustration with me and pray she understood. She knew what my ex had done to me and she knew how it affected me. It should have been obvious to her how I'd react to a situation like this, whether or not she understood how much it hurt me. I slid out of the truck and shut the door, then headed up the walk.

Naomi met me at the door but didn’t say much as I tracked snow in on my shoes. This time, I kicked them off and shrugged out of my coat. She hung my coat on the back of a chair and stood with her arms crossed over her stomach as if she were waiting for me to say something. I was told to come here. It wasn't like I wanted to come. I stood staring at her blankly, waiting for the lecture to start.

"How are you feeling?" Her thoughtful question came with a look of concern. The way her hair swept down over her eyes partially and the fact that she had no makeup on surprised me. Naomi was the epitome of class and style. She never let herself be seen like this by anyone, except maybe Amber. The only time I ever saw her without hair and makeup was when I surprised her like yesterday morning.

"I'm feeling like someone I trusted and cared about lied to me after knowing what happened to me in my past…" I crammed my hands into my pockets and stalked forward into her living room. It was a bit more put-together today. Most of the decorations had been moved out of the room, probably to the hall where I was supposed to have gone last night to help decorate. The fact that I didn't show up must've been the clue to Jared that I wasn't going to be the best man anymore.

Naomi followed me to the couch where we both sat down. She had cleaned up quite a bit, and I figured she was having someone over today. This was more her style, to make sure she made herself presentable and her house hospitable. Probably a learned trait from Mom.

"I know what you think, Newt, but I promise you, Amber would never cheat on Derek. There has to be a reasonable explanation for all of this." Naomi tried to lay her head on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off and curled my hands into fists in my pockets. She was wrong. The sex Amber and I had was very much real, and the connection I felt was so tangible I could sensethe frayed ends of it floating in the wind where she was supposed to be.

"I know you're trying to help, but it's not helping. Is this why you made me come over? You want to convince me that I'm wrong?" I shouldn't have been angry with her because she knew nothing about it, but all the frustration and hurt feelings I had toward Amber were piling up and it just started pouring out at my sister.

"No, Newt, I promise, I wasn't trying to say you were wrong. I just know Amber, and if she says there is a logical explanation, then there is." Naomi sat up and pulled her knee up onto the couch as she turned to face me. "I talked with her and she's on her way over. I want you to?—"

"No," I told her as I pulled my hands out of my pockets and stood up abruptly. "I'm not talking to her. You set me up. You just wanted me to be here so you could corner me into listening to her." I stormed over to the door and shoved my feet into my shoes before reaching for my coat, but I was too late. The doorbell rang as my coat was dangling from my hand. "Dammit, Naomi."

"Please, Newt. Just stay here. You don’t have to have some major sit down or anything. Just hang out while I try on the dress, and maybe you'll see that I'm not wrong."

Anger pulsed through my veins as Naomi opened the door and stood aside. "Hey, Mav," she chirped happily as if we hadn't just been bickering. "Come on in."

My entire body was one tight string ready to snap at any second. I stepped back with my coat still in my hands and watched Amber carry the dress bag in. This should have been an ecstatic experience for my sister full of joy and laughter. But she stood with her back to me, hand on the doorknob, and her shoulders were slumped. I couldn't help but feel like I had played a role in ruining this moment for her.

Now I would feel foolish trying to sneak out without saying anything, and I'd already lost enough of my dignity. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much this was affecting me. I coolly put my coat back on the chair I'd taken it off and leaned against the wall, watching them interact.

"Jade finished up things last night…" Amber draped the dress over the back of a chair, which was odd to me. She always seemed so particular when I visited their apartment. The dress was never just lying somewhere. It was always on the dress rack or hanging up somewhere, at least after Jade had it tacked together.

"I can't wait to try it on again." Naomi's voice was flat and dull, not the usual squealing of delight or jumping and clapping. She was hurting, and if Amber couldn't see that, I wondered if she even cared at all—about Naomi or me, or anyone other than herself, for that matter.

"Let's go put this on you," she told Naomi, but her eyes flicked to meet mine and there was something distant about the expression on her face. Hollow and cold. I didn't see the expressiveness or the connection we had, and I wondered if I'd been reading into things too far all along.

"Sure," Naomi said, and she glanced over her shoulder at me. "Please don't leave. Beer's in the fridge," she said.

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