Page 5 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

Wrestling with the past and how things went down with Lily wasn't easy, either. My probation had been lifted five months ago, but even with the return to normalcy, it wasn’t normal. My lunches were lonely now, my evenings quiet and empty. I fell into a depressive lull in life and even stopped working out. I did pick up a drinking habit I wasn't proud of and a few extra pounds around the middle that I had later worked off by punishing my body through hard exercise.

But nothing would bring her back to me. I had been foolish and thought protecting my career was better than standing up for our love, and it had gone horribly wrong. I had basked in self-loathing so long it had become my new identity, pushing myself to be better and do better, but with this change in jobs, that would change too. I might not start dating again, but I had to get over it and focus on my future. Otherwise, I'd end up dying a lonely hermit who never progressed past general physician.

The lot was full so I had to park on the street. Before I was even in the building, a few nurses joined me on the walk. One of them had been making eyes at me for months now, flirting a little. But I'd been rejecting her advances on account of our being coworkers.

"Hey, Dr. Matthews." Her cheery smile should have smoothed some of my rough edges, but my ambivalence prevailed.

"Uh, hi, Casey." I held the door open as her two friends entered first. She followed them, but she hesitated by the door as if she were waiting on me.

"You seem a bit down. Everything okay?" Her question met me as I stepped into the dim pub. It was packed already, with only a few bar stools available, which I preferred over a table or booth. At least at the bar, you could feign ignorance when someone sat down next to you and you didn't want to talk. It didn't appear it was going to be that easy with her, though. She nearly clung to me as I stalked over and planted myself on an empty stool.

I should have been thrilled, on cloud nine even. The job was a huge promotion, and it would come with a substantial rise in pay too. I'd sought it out because that was what I needed. But I felt less excited about it than I should have been.

"Actually, I just accepted a job offer." I raised my hand in the general direction of the bartender, who was quite busy. Henodded at me, acknowledging he'd seen me, and then he kept filling orders. I didn't need to tell him what I wanted. He knew me too well now. I'd become a regular since Lily left.

There was her name again. Always on the tip of my tongue, in the back of my mind. I wondered when I would ever get over her and let my heart start to forget how incredible I had it before I screwed things up.

Casey wedged herself between my barstool and the one next to me which was occupied by another man. I'd seen him around but didn't know him personally. Casey seemed completely unaware that she might be encroaching on his territory and bothering him.

"New job? Where at?" Her elbow slid across the bar, and she rested her head on the heel of her palm. Soft blonde curls drooped from her head. She was cute, a bit older than Lily, but attractive. Still, I had no interest in her or any other woman. My heart still belonged to Lily even if she didn’t want it. I doubted that would change any time soon.

"Mountain View… I'll be the chief diagnostic physician…" The title would have drawn awe from any of my doctor colleagues, but Casey shrugged it off and flipped her hair over her shoulder nonchalantly.

"So you won't be working at St. Anne's? That's sad…" Her bottom lip pouted out, then instantly retreated as she smiled. "That means we won't be coworkers anymore." Her fingers walked up my bicep, and then she traced a line back down to my elbow where she let her hand drape across my exposed skin.

"I guess not…" I replied, and the bartender set my glass of beer in front of me. A few of these and I'd be feeling fine. Not fine enough to forget how badly my heart had been trashed and hook up with Casey, but fine enough.

"Ethan, you and I could finally go on that date. You know I've been waiting around." She flashed a bright smile at me, dazzlingbaby blue eyes, a dimple on her left cheek. I'd have taken the bait for sure a few years ago. She was smart and gorgeous, but she wasn't Lily. "The non-frat rules won't apply anymore."

I sighed into my beer and took another swig. Letting people down easy wasn’t my strong suit. It was the reason I'd found myself attached to Lily in the first place. I cared how people felt and it got me into trouble, but this time, setting a personal boundary was a must. It didn’t matter that Lily was gone. I still loved her.

"I'm sorry, Casey." I turned to see the disappointment creeping into her expression as it had done every single time she'd asked me out and I’d said no. "The truth is, I'm still hung up on someone and I'm not sure when I'm going to get over that. You are a beautiful woman and you deserve a man who can give you his full attention. With the new job, I'll be on a learning curve for months with little to no free time. And even in my free time, I'll be thinking of the one who got away."

I expected her to be angry or frustrated with me, but her smile never faded. She squeezed my elbow gently and pressed her lips into a line before saying, "I totally understand." When she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, it felt like a friendly gesture, not a move of seduction. "Just know that I'm interested and when you feel like you're ready to move on, I hope you'll consider giving me a shot."

It was a very mature response to my rejection, and it made the weight melt off my chest. I nodded at her and brought my beer glass back to my lips. Who'd have thought I'd be the type of man who turned gorgeous women away because I was still in love with someone who clearly didn’t want me? But I couldn't drag any part of my life at St. Anne's into my future. If I did, there was no point in moving on at all. Lily would follow me everywhere. Cutting all ties was the only way.

And it hurt like hell…

5

LILY

Four years later….

"Dr. Lilian Elaine Carter!" When the dean of medicine announced my name, I stood and strolled up to the stairs and across the platform. Such pride swelled in my chest at my accomplishments that tears welled up and rolled down my cheeks. I strutted over to receive my official diploma, along with board certification and licensure, and the dean shook my hand firmly.

My family, seated in the massive crowd, cheered loudly and whistled. I turned to face them briefly and spotted Mom clapping wildly with such joy on her face too. A few of my cousins, my Uncle Mike, and even Dad all stood to their feet, cheering. But the face that made my tears gush was Noah's.

His chubby little cheeks were flushed from the heat of the sun overhead, and he rubbed his eyes and then clapped too. Four years old and so full of life and love, I was so glad they allowed him to come to celebrate with me. My son was my everything, and having him here as I finished my course of studies and board exams meant everything to me. I blew him a kiss, and he covered his mouth and smiled. I could almost hear his giggle.

They ushered me off the stage, and I found my spot with my peers. There were a few more short speeches and a few songs. Then we tossed our caps high into the air in celebration and I was done. My four years of college, a break while I recovered from giving birth, my years of residency, and finally, it was done. I was a full-fledged doctor in my own right, and it felt amazing.

After collecting my cap from the mass of bodies stumbling around, I hugged a few friends whom I knew I might never see again and made my way through the crowd to find my parents. They stood near the far end of the football field, waiting for me. Dad held Noah on his hip, and Noah lay draped over Dad's shoulder almost ready to fall asleep. His nap time coincided with the ceremony, but I insisted they come anyway instead of just babysitting.

"Oh, honey, you did so well. You must be hot under that robe." Mom handed me a bottled water, and I leaned forward to brush a few strands of Noah's hair off his sweaty forehead before Dad turned to peck me on the cheek. His rough stubble scratched my cheek the way it always had my whole life. It was something I could count on.

"Congratulations, baby," Dad said softly. "I'm really proud of you." He didn’t even have to say how proud he was. It was written across his aging face. A smile reached his eyes that sparkled with joy.

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