Page 4 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

"You're going to find someone who loves you, Lily. And you can stay here until you find the right residency program to get back into the game. And if you find a place here in Denver, you can stay as long as you'd like. No need to feel pressured to move out." Mom's hand withdrew, and she picked up her mug of tea and sipped it as my stomach rolled again.

"I'm sure Kate will love that." Kate, my younger but needier sister, lived across town after a few months of my parents’ badgering her to grow up and become more responsible. When they started forcing her to pay rent, she finally decided if she was going to have to pay, she'd rather be on her own. She found her own place and now resented me for being the responsible one who didn't need Mom and Dad. I hadn't heard from her since I got home yesterday, but it was only a matter of time.

"Kate will get over it. You just take your time. Your heart is broken right now." Mom smiled gently at me, and I stood and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm going to go lie down, I think. Let me know when it's dinner time, and I'll come help cook." I headed toward the guest bedroom where I was staying, and Mom stayed at the kitchen table with her tea.

My heart really was broken. I'd never had a moment in a relationship where I'd become so raw, so disillusioned that I had no interest in speaking to the person again. This one took the cake. Ethan's words cut me to the quick and I was bleeding out now. It made it difficult to even open my laptop and search the job board for a new position. I had no energy, no motivation, just dreaded nausea and so much exhaustion, I could sleep for weeks and not feel better.

My parents' place was small, but the guest bedroom had a private adjoining bathroom. I missed our old home forty miles west of the city, but once Mom retired from being a schoolteacher, Dad moved them closer to his job as a podiatrist in the city to lessen his commute. This dinky two-bedroom ranch was nice, but it wasn't the sprawling craftsman I grew up in. It made me ache for any familiarity from my past because I felt like my footing had been ripped out from under me and I was floundering in an ocean of regret.

I sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off my shoes and my eyes rested on the nightstand, on the small white paper bag that held the pregnancy test I bought yesterday. A baby would have changed everything anyway, maybe for better, maybe for worse, but now it didn't matter. Life had already changed for me so drastically in a split second. The upheaval meant job searching and moving to a new location. And it meant facing the truth, because if I was pregnant, I needed to know before I took a new residency position. My new employer would want to know. And I would need to make sure I had the support.

If I took a residency at UCLA like the one offered to me last year, I would be completely alone raising a baby. I couldn't dothat. I needed a support system like Mom and Kate to help me through it all. If I took a residency here in Denver, I could stay with Mom and Dad, and Kate might even help babysit at times. The first step in this new journey would be knowing, though, and that made me anxious.

I picked up the paper sack and folded it open to pull out the test. It wasn't the first pregnancy scare I'd had with Ethan, either. We'd been screwing around at work for about three months when I thought I was pregnant— sore boobs, tired, the works. I took the test, and it turned out I wasn’t. My thyroid was underactive and causing some issues. But after being on the proper meds for a few months, that worked itself out. The doctors said it was stress-induced and I agreed with them. Sneaking around was stressful, but I'd learned to manage that stress.

This, however, was different and I knew it. Last time, there was no nausea or excessive crying. I could chalk the tears up to being heartbroken, but that would be a lie. I was overly emotional about things before any of this blew up, and I'd been hiding it from everyone. Professionals don't cry at work.

It was time. I had to know. I took the test into the bathroom and set it on the sink as I pulled down my pants and sat on the toilet. I didn’t even bother shutting the door. Mom would never just walk right in here. She thought I was napping, and after this, I'd be crying myself to sleep for sure, anyway.

I tore the box open and then the foil pack that contained the plastic wand. When I peed on it, I made a mess and got it on my hand. Frustrated, I set the test to the side and finished, then washed my hands and returned to see the test was already processing. The results window already showed a faint pink pair of lines that didn't even surprise me. I stood there watching the lines grow darker and darker, and tears welled up.

This should have been a thrilling, happy moment for me and Ethan. I should have been overjoyed at the idea of telling him he'd be a father, that we would have a family. Now, all I could think was that if he thought I was a mistake, what would he call our baby?

I pressed my hand to my lower stomach and blinked out a few tears. My heart was a little fuller knowing I was right, that I'd be a mother. I knew it was stupid and would be crazy difficult, but I wanted it. I wanted to feel my baby moving inside me and kicking. I wanted to give birth and experience the joy of bringing life into the world. And most of all, I wanted to love and be loved in the purest bond I'd ever have. I just wanted it with Ethan by my side, and that would never happen.

I could never tell him about this baby, at least not while my heart was so torn up. Which meant being alone and staying in Denver. It was better this way. If I went back to clear things up and tell him, I'd listen to him apologize and say he was sorry. I'd take him back, and somewhere further down the line, he'd do something worse. Or worse still, he'd just reject me outright because what we had was never real.

I didn't want my baby to grow up feeling like a mistake. I might not have planned this on purpose, but I wanted it, and I would fight to make sure my little one felt loved from the moment he or she took their first breath.

I tossed the test in the trash and turned the light off, then crawled into bed for a nap. We'd have an interesting discussion tonight at the table, and I'd have to explain to my parents why I wasn't telling Ethan about the baby, but my decision was final. Now I just hoped there was a residency here in Denver. If not, I didn’t know what to do next.

4

ETHAN

Eleven months later…

"I'm surprised to hear you’re leaving St. Anne's. Is there a reason you're not happy there?" The dark-haired man with thick-rimmed glasses pored over my resume. I sat across the small square table in the common area of Mountain View Hospital's HR department for the interview. I'd already prepared an answer for this question, though it wasn’t entirely true.

"I'm happy enough with St. Anne's, but I’m looking to make career moves that aren't available there at the current time." The truth was, walking through those halls and sitting in that on-call room one night a week were eating away at me.

When Lily stormed out after being fired, I figured she'd stop by my place to talk, or maybe we'd connect in a phone conversation and she'd give me a chance to apologize for being so cold toward her. I felt awful. I punished myself for days, then got angry with her for weeks when she ghosted me. But when a few months had gone by, all that anger resolved into disbelief and eventually, depression. I didn't want to keep walking the same hallways she and I had walked together when I thought we were happy. I couldn't.

"That's an honest explanation. Well, here at Mountain View, we are growing exponentially every month, with opportunities to advance opening up monthly as well." He looked up at me and slid his thick glasses off his face, folded them and laid them in front of himself, then smiled. "I'd like to offer you the position of chief diagnostic physician. It comes with your own parking space in the employee lot, four weeks of paid time off, full healthcare coverage, and a few other perks. We can discuss salary later this week if you're interested."

It was a satisfying feeling to be invited for such a prominent position. I felt honored and at the same time melancholy. Leaving St. Anne's was the best thing I could do, both because of how it strategically helped my career and because staying meant being bombarded by memories of Lily which distracted me from doing my best work. But it meant leaving behind a part of my heart I knew I’d never get back. I wouldn't get it back if I stayed there either, but part of me still enjoyed the nostalgia of those memories.

I reached across the table and extended my hand, and the man shook it. "I am deeply honored to accept your offer." His grip was firm and decisive. He knew he wasn't making a mistake, but part of me wondered if I might be. Changing things in my life after Lily without closure for that relationship felt like I was betraying her, even though she was the one who left abruptly without any explanation. Eleven months later, and I still knew nothing, only that she was angry and hurt.

"I'm so glad." The man let my hand go and stood. He collected his files and stacked them as I rose with him. "We can get something set up with Tina for later this week. You and I will have some salary negotiations with the board—don't worry, they're very generous. Once I show them your CV, they will open their purse strings liberally. And when that's over, Tina cando your onboarding and make sure you're introduced to your team."

Going from the position of attending physician who dabbled in diagnostics to the chief of diagnostics was a huge step. But it was one for which I was ready. I'd been preparing for years, learning the skills and studying constantly to stay ahead of the medical game. It was a bold move but it had to be done. I couldn’t sit around and wallow in self-pity anymore. I had to move forward, even if my heart wasn't ready to move on in a new relationship.

"I'll wait to hear from you, then. It was nice meeting you. I look forward to getting started here at Mountain View." I shook his hand again before exchanging goodbyes, and then I was off. This late in the evening, the gang from St. Anne's would be at the pub for drinks. I was grateful to the team at Mountain View for scheduling this second-round interview later. Despite having already announced my desire to move on, the team at St. Anne's and my patients there still needed me.

I left the hospital and climbed in my car. Now with only two weeks left to work where I was, it meant saying farewell to some of the best coworkers in the world. It also meant answering some tough questions from them. Tonight when I told them I'd be taking the job at Mountain View, it would mean feeling like part of me would be displaced for a while until I found my footing in my new position.

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