Page 10 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

"There's a way, Lily. We'll do it differently this time. I need you."

My lower lip trembled and I blinked out a few tears. If he knew about Noah, he'd never be acting like this. He'd be hurt and angry. He would accuse me of hurting him on purpose and make a scene. I couldn't get back into a relationship with him knowing what was going on and have all that weight on my shoulders.

"Please, Lily."

"I'll think about it," I told him, looking back into his eyes. With a hand on his chest, I gently pushed him backward. "I have to go." I climbed into my car, acutely aware of how my heart was hammering behind my ribs. When I shut the door, he didn’t walk away, nor did he when I started the engine.

Only when I turned my wheel and put the car into gear did he back up. I drove away sobbing, hating how my heart still wanted him when I knew it was impossible. I couldn’t be with him even if I wanted to. I had this secret to keep, and if it got out, it would destroy him. Not to mention what it would do to Noah and me.

I swiped at my eyes and tried to focus on the road, but a few blocks away, I had to pull off and cry. I still wanted him. It wasn't his apology or the pleading for me to come back. It was my own affection. Time didn't heal anything. That old saying was a lie. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel and cried so hard the windows fogged. I should have told him back then. If I had, things would be very different now.

But I never told him and now I never could. In fact, now I could never have him again. I shouldn't have taken this job. I should have stayed in New Jersey. My heart wasn't ready for all of this again.

8

ETHAN

Monday morning at eight a.m., I was seated across from Howard Kratz in HR with a pen in my hand, ready to fill out the necessary forms. This time, I wasn't taking any chances. The most I'd gotten out of Lily was that she would think about it, but I knew her. I'd wear her down and she'd come back to me, and just thinking about that thrilled me.

"Please explain the nature of your relationship." Howard was a drill sergeant, but he was good at his job. I never had to deal with him much, but I knew a few colleagues who had. They'd had issues with personality conflicts or conflicts of interest, never declaring a relationship. But I trusted that he was a good man and knew hospital policy well. God knows, I went home and studied it all weekend after that dinner Friday night.

"Well, we worked together at St. Anne's. We dated for about nine months there and we didn’t follow hospital policy correctly. That led to her very unfortunate termination." I folded my hands together and left nothing out. There was no time for keeping secrets or being sneaky. This time, I was doing things the right way, even if there wouldn't be a "this time".

Howard looked up at me over the rim of his thick glasses and pursed his lips. "Termination?" he asked, brows furrowed. "I need more details, please."

"I was her superior. As a resident, she reported directly to me and we had a sexual relationship while thus employed. It was wrong, and clearly, we were punished. I know Mountain View's policy is different, and that's why I'm here. Before I even ask her out on a date, I want to let you know what's happening so we can follow the rules."

He lifted one eyebrow and his pursed lips flattened. "I appreciate that candor, Dr. Matthews. So you're not yet dating Dr. Carter?"

"No, sir, but we had drinks at the pub Friday evening after the welcome dinner and I would like to ask her out." Making my intentions known to HR felt a little like asking her father for his blessing, but it was worth it if she agreed to give me a second chance.

"Ethan, I'll let you in on a little secret. Most couples who declare their relationship don't end up sticking together. It's not that I'm a naysayer, but this place has a way of dividing couples. You seem like a smart man. Do you think it's wise to date a coworker?" His expression shifted from skepticism to compassion. He probably understood better than anyone else because he was the one who dealt with these sorts of situations.

"She works in pediatrics. I work in diagnostics. We're on different floors, different wings. We probably won't see each other at work at all. It would be like she worked in a different facility altogether. I think the relationship will stand on its own notwithstanding the fact we work in the same hospital." My shoulders were squared and he would never shake my confidence.

Howard pushed a stack of forms across the desk and nodded his head while taking a deep breath. "I believe you could pull itoff with that type of confidence." His finger tapped the stack of forms and he said, "These need filled out when you believe the relationship is going somewhere. If there is a change, you can update me via email or by stopping in my office. I really wish you the best of luck."

"Thanks," I said, smiling as I picked up the forms.

With a skip in my step, I breezed out of the HR office and into the hallway. Everything about this situation felt different from before. The weight of nearly five years of depression had lifted at the sight of her, but I was on cloud nine at the thought of getting her back. I hadn't realized just how deeply losing her had affected me. Now that she was back, I felt reborn.

I stopped by my office to put the forms on my desk and field a few calls, then I headed toward the elevators in the B wing.

I didn't have Lily's number or any way to connect with her, so it made my declaration to HR seem even more premature, but I wasn't ashamed, nor was I going to chicken out. Lily had said she would think about it, and that was my foot in the door and the reason I was headed to see her right now.

Too much time had already passed for me to waste a single second waiting on her to "think about it". I knew she probably got slapped with the shock of seeing me again the way I had, and the reason she left still remained hazy. She was hurt, but why it was so devastating that she couldn't speak to me to end things properly had never been discussed. I wasn't really interested in revisiting those old wounds unless she needed to unload on me—which I'd take patiently. I knew I screwed up.

What I wanted was to move forward from here. Just the idea of having her back had me planning for my future. Mom lived in my spare bedroom now, and I had to take her to visit Dad every weekend and several nights a week. Things would be chaos, and Lily might have to understand that date night could be as simple as sitting in a retirement home while my parents visited. It was adifferent phase of life for me, but I was willing to do anything to make it work.

When the elevator doors slid open to me on the third floor, I walked out with pep in my step. I hadn't been so happy in years. People who passed by me smiled, probably in response to the dumb grin on my face. I couldn't make it go away and I didn't want to try. Lily made me happy all the way to my core, and I wanted the world to know.

I searched for a few minutes before one of the nurses pointed me in the right direction. Lily was with a patient, so I'd have to wait, but that didn’t mean I couldn't observe. The patient's door was cracked, and if I stood just slightly to the left of the door, I could see through the crack to where she was interacting. It was a young boy and his parents.

Lily spoke calmly and with a friendly tone. She made the patient smile and put the parents at ease like it was the simplest thing to do. Any doctor would tell you that it was challenging to bring comfort and reassurance to a patient's family, but she made it look easy. And when she wrapped up and walked into the hallway, I was there to greet her. I fell in step beside her and we walked toward the nurses' station.

"Good morning." I resisted the urge to blurt out everything I'd been doing this morning and settled for her response.

"Morning, Ethan. Can I help you with something?" She was busy scrolling through her patient files on her hospital-issued tablet, and I wanted her to pay attention to me, but I stayed patient.

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