Page 33 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

"Hey, Amber… I have a question."

"Of course… It's late. Is everything okay?" I loved that she cared enough to ask, but I didn’t have the energy to explain a whole lot. At least not everything surrounding Noah.

"Uh, yeah, kind of. Have you seen Dr. Matthews tonight?" If he was still in the hospital, I could sneak away from Noah's side long enough to go talk to him. I had to get this off my chest because the fear of not knowing what could happen was killing me.

"No, why? Is everything okay? Do you need me to page him?" She sounded ready, willing, and able to help, but I didn't want her in the middle of it.

"Uh, no… Well, Ethan and I sort of have a relationship going on. Don't worry, he spoke to HR already. We just had a, uh… We disagreed about something, and I just haven't heard from him. I thought he might be down there in diagnostics hiding from me." I forced a nervous chuckle to make her think it was no big deal, but it was a huge deal.

"Ooh, something steamy." She was being playful, and I wanted to cry. "Well, no. I haven't seen him. If I do, I'll tell him you asked. I hope you two work things out. I always thought you’d be cute together."

"Thanks, Amber."

"No problem." She hung up, and I was alone again, only this time, I didn't just feel alone. I knew I was.

This journey life had me on was isolating and cruel. One minute, I thought I'd be okay, and the next, I was bombarded with more than I could handle. My parents didn’t fully understand me emotionally, and I had somehow managed to ruin things with the one person who ever had. Tears tried to well up in my eyes, but it was as if I had dehydrated myself to the point my body couldn’t even make them.

My eyes burned, my cheeks too. I gritted my teeth and almost screamed, but I didn’t want to wake Noah. Instead, I laid my head down on the side of the bed and pressed my eyes shut. There was no point in agonizing over things. I definitely wouldn't sleep, and I would be locked inside my head, but I was still in control of my thoughts.

I decided to think about a plan of action for Noah when we went home, where he would sleep and how I would keep him from romping and busting open his incisions. I had menus to plan and a routine to set with Mom and Dad as far as his childcare and medication schedule. And all of that brought me back around to his custody and whether I needed a lawyer to help me deal with whatever storm awaited on the horizon.

I only knew one thing. I was batting a thousand when it came to my worst days. I had managed to survive them all by putting my face to the wind and setting my gaze on the future. I had to do that now. I just had to do it knowing there might be a war ahead of me. A war I couldn’t lose, and one I didn't even want to fight, but if it came to that, I would fight like hell to make sure I won. Nothing was more important to me than my son, not even my own heart—which was already broken and blowing in the wind.

It couldn’t get any worse… right?

24

ETHAN

Ileft the nursing home and started toward home, but the idea of sitting alone in my house while Mom slept felt like torture. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I'd thought that Lily and I had a chance. Now I wasn't sure what we had. She'd been lying to me this entire time. The idea that she could sleep with me and be so intimate and have kept such a huge secret from me had me questioning what was real and what wasn't.

It didn't feel right leaving this hanging in the air. I felt like I wouldn't sleep or be able to work or focus on anything until the two of us had a very long discussion. There were too many things unspoken, so many questions I had about my son and why she never told me about him. And it didn't matter that I knew nothing about him or even what his middle name was. The instant she told me he was mine, love deeper than the ocean welled up inside me for him.

My son had just undergone a major operation and he was lying in a hospital bed weak and probably barely conscious. I needed to be there for him, if for no other reason than to live my life without regret. I didn't know if Lily wanted me there or how she'd react to my wanting to be a part of his life, but I knew if I didn't go, ten years from now, I'd feel like a failure as a father.He was mine, and my heart told me being there for him was the right thing.

So I turned toward Mountain View and decided that if she chased me away, I would at least know that I had tried to be a good father. I know it was what my own father would have done, what my mother would expect me to do. And it eased my heartache the instant I made the decision to do so.

I pulled back into the parking lot a little before two. The place looked like a ghost town. Visiting hours were over at eight p.m. every day, so most family members were already gone for the day. The night shift was light too, not as many doctors and nurses. We didn't do surgeries at night unless they were emergencies, and none of the in-house offices took appointments after five p.m. I was able to park in the front row.

On my way to the elevators, I passed Lily's parents. I met them more than once in the past. They were good people, and I fully believed that Lily had either sworn them to secrecy about Noah or that they had no clue he was mine. I knew they liked me when Lily and I were dating. Though, with as hurt as she was when she left Denver five years ago, it was possible her father harbored a grudge.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carter," I said, approaching them.

They looked uncertain and hesitant. Mr. Carter had a furrow between his eyebrows that mirrored the grand canyon, snaking down his forehead to his aquiline nose. I could see the fatigue in both of their eyes, but Mrs. Carter held a tired smile and her hand shot out to take mine.

"Ethan, it's so good to see you." Her grip was timid and gentle, and I noticed Lily's father did not extend the same gesture of goodwill.

"Ethan," he grunted and placed a protective hand in the small of his wife's back.

"I, uh…" I sighed and then took a deep, calming breath. "Is Lily still up there?" I didn't want them to think I was going on the offensive. Yes, I was very hurt by her revelation, but that talk with my father showed me how human I was, how prone to failure. Lily had been hurt pretty badly. I totally understood her leaving town without saying a word. Keeping the secret once she got back was what hurt me.

"She is," Mr. Carter said, and the frustration in his tone was obvious. "They're resting."

"Did Noah wake up yet?" I figured Dr. Adams had the boy sedated, but there was a chance they had been able to say hello, at least.

"Sleeping," Mrs. Carter said, and she elbowed her husband gently in the side.

I knew any words I had to say to them would fall short of the deep apology I knew they expected. I broke their little girl's heart so long ago, and they were there to pick up the pieces. I left the mess they cleaned up, but I never even realized what a mess that was until it was too late. Until Lily just never returned my calls or showed up. Months went by, not a call or text, and then I heard she left town and gave up hope.

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