Page 31 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

"Yes. It will be fine. I just have some tough decisions to make and I need some time to think about things." If I told him it was in regard to this specific patient and my relationship to him, I would be relegated to the observation room above the theater. My opinion and guidance in this surgery would be rejected and I would be benched. State law was state law. But when it came out later that Noah was my son, and it would have to be proven by paternity tests, I'd just explain I didn’t know until after the surgery.

"Alright, well let's get in there and get this rodeo going." He smiled at me just as the nurse entered to help us finish up.

I shook my hands off and let the scrub nurse help me gown up. She laced it on and tied it behind me, then helped Dr. Adamsdo the same. When she put my mask and gloves on, I thanked her.

The next four hours went exactly as hundreds of other surgeries I had performed over the years, except with me directing the talented hands of another surgeon and not my own. Dr. Adams handled everything with finesse, not skipping a beat. He didn't protest my instruction at all. Whether that was because of my seniority or he just trusted my expertise, I'd never know. We worked as a seamless unit, and once the surgery was underway, I was able to push any thought about Noah being my son aside and do the procedure step by step.

When it was over, I was drained, and so was Dr. Adams. I had been on the clock for more than sixteen hours. His exhaustion came from the intense focus it takes to perform an operation like that for that long of time without losing concentration. I asked him, being the on-call doctor, to do the follow-up with the family, and I scrubbed out and left the hospital.

I had missed dinner and helping Mom to bed. I knew the neighbor was there, so I felt at ease. I'd explain to her in the morning what happened. I just didn’t want to go home. Despite my fatigue, I drove for a while, just taking in the city lights after midnight, and I realized I didn't want to be alone. I needed company, and the only person I could think of who might still be awake this time of night was my night-owl of a father.

So I drove to the nursing home and walked through the front doors and up to the nurse's desk. The night watch nurse smiled at me with familiarity. I hadn't visited Dad in the middle of the night in ages, not because of his fall and broken hip, but because I could no longer afford the lack of sleep. Lily's presence in my life had made me hyperaware of how little sleep I'd gotten because I spent my waking hours thinking of her or trying to be with her.

"Hey, Dr. Matthews, your dad is actually awake." She stood and nodded down the hallway. "We just had to give him some pain meds, but he should still be aware enough for a visit. Do you want the book?"

The book to which she referred was a novel I had been reading to him when I did visit. We were about halfway through, though I never got more than a chapter read before he dozed off. Tonight was not a novel night. It was a night for companionship and male bonding, if he wasn't in too much pain or too grumpy.

"Not tonight, thank you. I'll just let myself in." I smiled and nodded at her, then yawned as I turned up the hallway. The light in his room was on, fingers of it stretching beneath the cracked door. I pushed it open and walked in, and he turned over his shoulder with a glower.

"I told you not to leave the door open, you—Oh, Ethan. I didn't know it was you. come on in." I could see pain etched on his face. The blankets were pulled up over his body, but the way he lay on his side, I could see the thick outline of bandages on his hip.

"I just thought I'd stop by for a visit. You look unhappy. Are you in a lot of pain?" Mom and I had been in and out, but most of the time, he was sleeping or drugged. I heard from his physical therapist that he was fighting them, resisting getting out of bed.

"You have your guts cut open and see how happy you are." He turned back toward the glowing TV screen that displayed the nightly news. I walked over and sat down on the far side of his bed in the chair normally reserved for Mom. "These idiots have no clue what they're doing. They call this politics and it looks more like a circus." Dad scoffed and used the remote to shut the TV off.

"Yeah…" I sighed, not really following what was going on in the world recently. My heart was too thrilled and elated to think of anything but the woman I loved for so long that this punchto the gut was a shocker. Now I just wanted answers and for someone to stop the pain.

"What's eating you? You're looking old and tired. That's my job." Dad winced and let out a yelp as he turned onto his back and used the remote to begin raising the head of his bed.

I didn't disagree with him. I hadn't seen a reflection of my current appearance, but my inward thoughts and emotions were definitely that of someone who was tired, worn out, and haggard.

"Well, I got some shocking news today and it's taken the wind out of my sails." I loosened my tie and rubbed my tired face. "I just can't…"

"Can't what? You're a man. Deal with it, Son. That's what men do." His old-fashioned masculinity was called for at times. There were times when men just needed to be men and take care of things, but then there were times when the rug got swept out from under them and they needed a little stability. This was one of those times.

"Dad, you're a grandfather." I didn't stop to think whether Lily would want me telling my parents. I needed advice and he was it for me. Besides, how would he ever fathom what I was going through unless I gave him the truth?

"What do you mean?" He looked confused and narrowed his eyes at me. "You're not even dating someone seriously."

"But I was." I squirmed in the chair and drew my tongue along my teeth beneath my lip, and Dad's scowl returned.

"There's a story behind this?" he asked, and I nodded.

"A long one I don't have time for. Just know that it's official. You're a grandfather, and my heart is broken and I'm not sure how to handle this at all." The details of it all weren't important to me, though I’d have to cough them up at some point. He would want to know what happened, and I just didn't have the emotional capability to discuss it any more tonight.

"How old is he?" Dad asked, and I could barely answer.

"Four."

"So she kept him from you? I'm assuming it was the woman from a few years back who vanished?" Dad knew more to that than Mom did, and I hadn’t even told him I was seeing her again. His questions came without responses and he kept talking. "And if your heart is broken, I assume that means you love her. Well, Son, all I can say is, do you think there weren't times in my marriage where I wanted to give up?

"Do you think I was never angry with your mother? Think she never let me down or disappointed me? Let me tell you something about love. People are human. They're going to break your heart. In fact, the only ones who can break your heart are the ones you've trusted with it. And they never mean to break it. They're just the ones you've let be close enough to you that your heart could break by their mistakes.

"People make mistakes all the time, but they don't necessarily affect you because you don't care about them. But when someone you love hurts you, it hurts really badly. But you're human too. And you are going to hurt her. You’re going to break her heart and you're going to regret it. Take that with a grain of salt, Son. And maybe you'll feel differently about this situation. Now get out of my room and let me sleep."

I chuckled at his frankness and absorbed all the wisdom he just spat out at me as I stood. "Thanks, Dad, I really needed to hear that."

He struggled with his covers so I pulled them up for him.

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