Page 25 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

And I would lose my father too. He might not have always been the perfect father, but I looked up to him and respected him. I knew now as an adult son things I didn't know when I was a child, reasons he made choices for me I didn't like. He lived ahard life before I was old enough to understand what "hard" was. I respected his choices now.

And most of all, knowing my mom was going to end up dying after my father, that she'd be lonely and need me more than ever reminded me that I had no one. No love of my life, no wife, no children, no family. I had friends, but they weren't the sort of people who took care of you in your older years. Friends visit, but when they leave, who takes care of you?

"He's going to pull through. It's the only thing we can allow ourselves to think right now. If we give up hope before he's even had a chance to show us what a fighter he is, we won't be able to be there for him when he needs us."

She pushed herself up a little straighter and shook her head. "I know you're right, but the doctor said some patients never come back. Sometimes they die because the rehab afterward is so difficult. Ethan, I don't want to be alone."

I didn't want to be alone either. I wasn't naive enough to think my parents would live forever, but caring for them the past few years had taken the focus off myself and my loneliness. I wasn't as lonely because I had been busy caring for them. Now I realized that they wouldn’t always be here and that I would be completely alone then. It made those precious moments with Lily seem even more sacred. She was who I wanted to actually grow old with.

"Those people often don't have family or support systems either." I stood and picked up her glass. "And we're here for him. We're going to be by his side as much as the nursing home staff will let us. In a few days, they will force him to get out of bed and start therapy. He'll need us there then. So will they." I chuckled because I knew how grumpy Dad was going to be in pain and being forced to try to stand up.

That brought a small smile to Mom's lips too because she knew him better than anyone. She had loved him for decades and had to tolerate his moody side for far longer than I had.

"I'm going to fill your water up, alright? I'll bring you more medicine and a snack." I headed to the door, but she cleared her throat.

"No snack. I'm not feeling hungry. Just the water is fine."

I nodded at her and walked out the door. The cloud hung over my head as I filled her glass and got her more medication. This whole situation was making my future look very bleak. I didn't want to grow old alone and have no one, and unless I did something about that, it was definitely in my future. It made me want to be reckless and impulsive, but safe.

I wanted to propose to Lily.

We had only just been attempting to work things out, but we had history. We were in love. What we shared years ago was there beneath the surface just waiting to explode into our present and surprise us both. I knew it. I loved her and I didn't want to be without her. I just didn't know how she'd take it. Especially if she was dealing with her own issues in her family.

With the glass full and pills in my hand, I went back to the bedroom where Mom was lightly dozing. She roused when I walked in and gave me the same slow-eyed blink as last time I came in. She looked frail and weak, not the robust, bold woman I remembered. Time had aged her and sapped her of vitality, and I was determined that before life did that to me, I would live it to the fullest.

"Here you go, Mom." I held out the pills, and she held her palm open for me to place them. She took them, but I had to help her steady the glass at her lips before sitting it on the nightstand.

"Thank you, dear." She patted my hand and yawned.

"Mom, can I ask your opinion about something?" I didn't sit this time, seeing that she wanted to rest now. I probably shouldhave just let her rest, but with an idea this insane, if I was being too irrational, my mother would tell me.

"Yes, of course." Her hands folded together over her belly and she leaned her head back on the pillow.

"I want to marry Lily. She has been the one thing in my life that I ever thought was good. I messed it up a while back, but I'm getting this amazing second chance and I don’t want to wait. I want to ask her to marry me. What do you think? Am I crazy?"

Mom's small smile helped me relax as she said, "Well, if you were twenty, I'd think you were crazy. If you were thirty and you didn't know her, I'd say you were crazy." She yawned again and covered her mouth then went on. "But you're forty years old, almost forty-one. You have history with this woman. You love her, that much is obvious. When a man loves a woman at your age, he doesn't take risks or wait around."

It wasn’t exactly her blessing to go for it, but her message was clear. I wasn’t getting any younger. As it was, even if I lived to be ninety, the most I could hope for was to see my children and grandchildren. I had spent too much of my life focusing on my career and making mistakes. I needed a partner now, and to care for me when I was older. Lily was the woman I wanted.

"Thanks, Mom." I leaned down and kissed her forehead and flipped her nightstand light off. Then I let myself out and turned toward my bedroom to get my shoes. Worries about Lily and what she was going through plagued me, and I called her to see if she needed anything, but her phone went straight to voicemail. So I put my shoes on and replaced my tie. I left my phone on full volume, though, just in case she called. And as I drove back to work, I thought about how and when I would propose.

I was going to shoot my shot, even if I missed the target. What could it hurt? If she said no, I could try again later, after we built something magical again. If she said yes, then she was mine forever.

19

LILY

When we walked through the doors of the emergency department at St. Anne's with Dad carrying Noah, several staff members took notice immediately. I knew they recognized me, judging by the looks on their faces. One of the nurses, Amy, and I had been very close when I worked here. She was the first to reach us.

"What's going on?" she asked as she took Noah's wrist and checked his pulse.

"He was born with congenital diaphragmatic hernia. He's having a relapse of it now. I think we're going to need emergency surgery." I rushed my words out, not even giving much of an explanation. They all knew I was a board-certified pediatrician, but I was also his mom, and I was going to have to take a backseat to their care.

"Christ," she hissed and glanced at me. "His pulse is thready." Amy turned and shouted, "Let's get a gurney now!" Within seconds, Micah had a gurney, and Dad was laying Noah on the bed. The older orderly was such a kind, caring man. He gave me a look of compassion as Amy and Dad wheeled the rolling bed into an exam room.

I shuffled along beside the bed, realizing Noah was just sleeping now. His lips weren't quite as blue, probably because he was sleeping peacefully, and the condition wasn't as emergent as it had been at home. But this was still the safest place for him, and I was glad we made the choice to come.

"Who's his doctor?" Amy asked as she parked the gurney in the curtained room and locked the wheels.

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