Page 29 of Rescued By the SEAL

My fingers are free flowing, the words coming out of me at the speed of light. I might have spent years writing in my journalistic role, but it hasn’t ever come as easily to me as this. The words that I’m writing now feel good. Maybe because it’s so close to me. It’s my story in many different ways. I’m writing about my mother and what I now know happened to her, and I’m including my own tale too, the messed-up story of the last few days.

It’s been horrible and traumatic, really problematic in a lot of ways, so getting this out is cathartic. It’s a way of making sure that I don’t forget anything. Even if it was awful, I need to keep it all in mind, and also process it all, getting it out in a way that’s personal to me. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with this story when it’s out there, but it feels nice right now to just be exploring it with my words. Plus, I’m pretty sure that Landon is exhausted and he’s needing this nap.

“Morning, Heather.” Oh, perhaps not! Mind you, I’ve been writing for hours so I guess it makes sense for him to wake upnow. “Ooh, what are you up to? Are you doing some work? I didn’t know you were going back to work.”

“This isn’t work,” I shoot back quickly, barely lifting my eyes off the page. I just need to get this sentence out first. “I’m just doing some writing about what’s happened. You know, with the kidnapping and everything. My mom too.”

“Oh, your mom?” He sits down opposite me and gives me a curious look. “Can I ask about that? Don’t worry if not.”

“Oh, right, I still haven’t told you, have I?” I put my pen down and stare at him. Since Landon has been through this whole mess with me, and of course, he was there through my childhood too ever since he moved next door, it’s only fair. “Okay, well as you know, my father always told me that my mom died from an illness, but as it turns out, that wasn’t the truth.” I still can’t get used to saying this aloud. “She was murdered by her boss, a man my dad had warned her about lots of times. I think that’s why he has always been so overprotective with me. It’s why he doesn’t like me not listening to him too. Hedidknow best then, but he doesn’t know best now. He doesn’t know best when it comes to me and you. This isn’t the same.”

I can see the shock on Landon’s face. He doesn’t know how to take this in. I’m sure it’s dredging up a lot for him too since his father was just killed. Maybe I should have waited a little longer before I told this tale. I don’t know if I did the right thing…

“I’m so sorry.” But it seems like Landon is only thinking about me and my feelings, as always. “That’s awful.”

“It is in a lot of ways because it’s always sad to have that happen to anyone, but it’s also weird and distant from me because I never really got a chance to know my mom. I don’t quite knowhow I feel about it all, truly. Erm, how are things with you, though? I haven’t had much time to talk to you about the deal with your parents. How are you doing about it all?”

He’s silent for a moment, and I can’t help but worry that he’s going to shut down. I think Landon really needs to talk about this and I would prefer him to do that with me. I want him to be able to lean on me like I do him. I want us to be equals. Thankfully, after a couple of short, sharp breaths, he gets his stride back and he begins to open right up to me as much as he can.

“I think that I’m okay.” He nods a couple of times. “I think I’m doing well. I’m sure there will be more pain coming through over time, but for now I’m just in the middle of processing it. I’m just trying to deal with a life without my dad around. He wasn’t ever around for me directly, but I always knew where he was. Now, though, he’s gone, and it’s weird. I also need to work out what I want to do with regard to my mom. I don’t eventhinkthat she wants anything from me, but I don’t want more guilt.”

I lean on his shoulder, wondering if that will eventually apply to me too. Well, of course I’m going to feel bad about my father. I never wanted to walk away from him, but will the guilt eat me up like it is him? I don’t want that. It sounds awful.

“We will figure it out,” I tell him softly. “One way or another, we will figure it. I don’t know how yet, but we will.”

And I don’t just mean with regard to our family. I mean with everything. Our careers are all up in the air too, and so are the places that we live. Well, mine is, anyway. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back there and feel safe. Everything about home now makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. That isn’t how home is ever supposed to feel, Iknowthat.

“We can do it together, can’t we?” He takes my hand and holds it, stroking his fingers over my hand. “With you, I feel like I can handle anything. It’ll probably suck for a while, but we’ll get through it together. I agree that we can do that.”

There is a moment of silence while we swim in our feelings for a bit, where we both sit together and stew in our emotions. There is alotgoing on at the moment, a lot for us to process, and I guess we just need some time to digest it all.

“I would love to read everything that you’ve written at some point, if you’re okay with me doing that,” he finally says, almost making me jump because I’ve been so locked away in everything. “I bet it’s fantastic. I read a lot of Lola Rose’s articles and they’re incredible. Absolutely phenomenal. I might not read lots, but Iknowthat what I’ve read is amazing.”

My pulse picks up at the speed of light as he says this. Admittedly, I’ve had compliments about my writing before, but none of them have felt as good as this. Having approval from Landon, knowing that he feels that way about me, pleases me from so deep within that it almost makes my head spin. A heat races through my body and hits my cheeks hard.

“Wow, thank you. That’s really kind of you to say. I had no idea that you’d read anything I’d written.”

“Well, I have.” He rubs my hand some more, making me feel so special I could sing. “And I think you’re incredible.”

“You can read whatever you want, but it isn’t really anything at the moment. It’s just a bunch of notes. I’m figuring it out.”

I feel a little anxious as Landon reads a bit of what I’ve written. My heart pounds and I twist my hands together nervously. I didn’t write any of this for the plan of anyone reading it, butLandon’s compliments have made me feel like I can do anything in the world. Landon is making me feel like I can take on the universe. That’s a sensation I would love to explore more. I’ve always been a bit self-conscious, a bit introverted, but Landon is helping me to see that I could be more…

But that’s something I think I would be best exploring somewhere else. I still want the white picket fence life that we discussed when we were kids. I would love for us to finally have that. It’s been my dream forever, but I want to do it somewhere new. I ache for a fresh start, for something different. I need that since I’ve lived in such a locked away box for such along time, but I’m too scared to push Landon away by pushing him too far. I don’t want to overcomplicate things at the moment. Everything has been so up in the air because of me. Landon’s life has been disrupted enough. Moving on somewhere else is something that we will need to decide on together. We’re in love now, we’re together and not being separated by anything. I can’t have him back just to lose him again, so this is something we need to talk about when the moment is right.

“Wow, this is incredible,” Landon gasps. “I know that it’s just notes at the moment, but it would read like an awesome story.”

“Like an autobiography?” I laugh. “I don’t know if I’m interesting enough for that. I don’t think that anyone would want to read that about me. Plus, I don’t think any of the other people in the story would want to have it all public, either.”

“Then why not write is as fiction?” He shrugs and smiles. “Like, use your own story as inspiration? That gives you a chance to change the names and locations and to even change little parts of the tale too if you want. I really think that this could be an incredible book. You are the sort of writer who could make this a best seller if you wanted to. Could be a new career path?”

Ooh, now that is something I haven’t considered, but it would be a good way to keep on writing, wouldn’t it? A new career path that could be very exciting for me, and it’s also one that I could do anywhere in the world. Even here in this remote safehouse with all the inspiration in the world surrounding me. I kinda like the storm cloud of excitement this builds within me.

“Yeah, maybe.” I run my eyes over the notes. “You know what? I like that plan. I might have a think about it.”

I’m sure that writing a novel isn’t easy and I know it’ll be a big challenge to get a book published, but what’s life without a challenge? I’ve lived in such a rut for ages now, that simple, quiet life that I thought I liked, but I should use this shocking event that seems to have come from nowhere as a catalyst for change. Not just with Landon and my love life but with taking on a new challenge and career path too. It’s thrilling to the pit of me to imagine just giving it a go, putting myself out there.

“What are we going to do today?” I ask Landon as I pull him toward me for a sneaky kiss. “Do we have a plan?”

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