Page 29 of Saved By the SEAL

The office looks like a different building as we pull up in front of it. It doesn’t look like the place I’ve been in a number of times before, but it’s exactly the same. It’s me who’s different, who’s changed. I’m the one who has been through enough to twist me up in knots, to transform the way that everything looks to me. I can hardly see anything because my head is scrambled.

“Right, time to go inside,” I declare with a deep breath. “Let’s go and see what’s to come next.”

But my new friend doesn’t come to Max’s office with me. He makes an escape as soon as he has the chance to do so, for which I can’t blame him. I haven’t exactly been a joy to be around. I wouldn’t be keen to hang out with me either. I’m sure he’s hoping that someone else will be given the duty of looking after me in the future. Urgh, I came into this job to offer protection to other people and I’m the one who’s ended up being babysat. What a fucking joke. It’s actually pretty embarrassing.

Max’s office door is open. He’s acting like he’s in the middle of something, but I can tell that he’s been waiting for me. The anticipation might as well be rolling off him in waves. I hope he isn’t expecting me to remember everything.

“Oh, hi there, Jordan.” He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Good to see you up and about again. Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, so good that they couldn’t wait to throw me out of the hospital,” I joke, trying my hardest to lighten the air. “But unfortunately, my brain isn’t working yet. I haven’t got anything for you. I’ll drop that bomb right away, just so you know.”

“It’s okay, we’re working on things from this end too. We can just wait and see what’s going to come out, but for now we need to focus on keeping you safe. I’ve been trying to plan the best way to do that, and I think having someone with you at all times is the best course of action. Landon will be the man for that. I know his work ethic, and he’ll be great.”

“Wait, so I’m going to be like one of the clients now with a bodyguard twenty-four, seven? I don’t need that. I’m out of the hospital now and can take care of myself. I don’t need to be babysat. I would rather get back to work.”

“Landonwillbe staying with you,” Max tells me firmly. “I don’t need any argument about that. I’m doing what I know is best to keep you safe. We can’t discount the fact that you have clearly become a target, so let’s keep you alive. It’s an investment on my behalf because if you’re killed, then you won’t be able to work for me again, will you? And with instincts like yours, I can’t afford to lose you. After all, you are the one who didn’t trust Michelle in the first place, even when I did. Turns out you were right. Ineverwould have allowed you to go anywhere near her if I thought she was going to shoot you. It just makes me sick…”

“So, it was her?” I ask sadly. I don’t know from my own memories, but if Max has something, then maybe I’ll need to adjust.

“It seems like it. There isn’t any evidence of anyone else being in that apartment, so I have to think it was. Plus the fact that she’sgone missing right afterward. I mean, it doesn’t look good, does it? That’s the theory I’ll go with until I know otherwise.”

“So… you might be in trouble too,” I suddenly realize. “I’ve had dealings with Michelle and it ended up with my getting shot, but you have too. The Russians might believe that you know too much and come after you too.”

“I can’t be worried about me when I have all my men to worry about.” Max nods as if this is an acceptable answer. “I’ll be fine. I’m well protected here at the office, anyway. You are the one we need to focus on right here. So, I’ll call in Landon.”

I feel helpless and frustrated, but I know no one will listen to me. I get that I must have said some stuff negatively about Michelle before, but now my gut is warning me that she’s in danger. I feel compelled to help her even if she is the person who shot me. But I’m not going to be able to make that happen with Max having me babysat like a goddamn child.

I need to be trusted right now, but I don’t know how I can make that happen. How can I get anyone to see the truth?

Michelle isn’t the enemy. She isn’t my enemy, at least. I was supposed to protect her and I failed. I want to make it right.

“Hey there, Jordan.” A man who I can only assume is Landon joins me in Max’s office with much too much pep in his step. He seems like an extremely happy guy, which puts me on edge in this current situation. “I’m Landon. Good to meet you.”

“Good to meet you too.” My voice is as monotone as my feelings. I’m flat and irritated. “Although you don’t need to do this.”

“I can’t not.” He shrugs one shoulder. “You know how it is. Max has given me the task, and I have to follow through with it. So,I’ll come back to your place with you and keep watch while you rest. Max wants you better and back to work.”

“I could work right now…” I trail off as Max comes in right behind Landon, already shaking his head no. “Okay, sure, whatever. Let’s go back to my house, then, and I can make myself well enough to start this nightmare all over again.”

I spot Landon and Max sharing a look, which I can only guess means he’s been informed of the whole sorry ass tale. Well, good, then he won’t need to ask me for all the sordid details, will he? Because I don’t want to fill Landon in. Right now, I’m so drained with the whole mess that I don’t want to think about any of it ever again. Nothing about this is going my way. I need to switch off completely. Perhaps a fucking rest is exactly what I need in this awful situation.

“Did you want to go now, then?” Landon asks me kindly. “I have my car outside whenever you’re ready.”

“I guess so. No point hanging around if there isn’t anything else for me to do.” I want to storm out in a huff, but there’s something more important which I’m going to have to ask first of all. “Max, if anything happens with Michelle, anything at all, will you please let me know? Good or bad, I just want to be kept in the loop with all of it. Is that okay?”

“Sure, of course I will,” he reassures me in a soothing tone. “I would do that anyway. I know how complicated this situation is. As soon as I get anything new, I’ll be in touch. You’ll be the first person I contact, okay?”

He doesn’t need to say that he knows Michelle and I had something more in-depth going on between us. It’s written all over his face, but I kinda sense that he forgives me too. I supposebeing naive and on my first job with a high-class seductress who is clearly an expert at lying will give me a little bit of leeway. In his mind, anyway. I’m furious at myself.

A man who’s worked in my position, who has been a Navy SEAL, is supposed to be more switched on than that. Everyone I’ve ever worked with wouldn’t have nearly the same level of trust in me knowing that I can be tricked so quickly. Just a nice body and a fluttery pair of eyes and I lose my goddamn mind. Well, never again, of that I can be certain.

Once I’m in a position where I can openly talk about this without cracking, I’ll make a promise to Max that it won’t happen again. I won’t allow myself to fall for anyone like that ever again. I’m going to lock my heart away for a very long time and never let myself feel for anyone else again. I can’t ever imagine opening up to someone like I did Michelle. I just couldn’t hack it.

“Okay, let’s go,” I say wearily to Landon. “Let’s get out of here. I want to go home now.”

Landon follows close behind me, making friendly small talk the whole time. He doesn’t even seem to mind that I’m not giving him much back because I haven’t got the energy. He’s buzzing off something, and weirdly, it’s nice to listen to him going on because it distracts me from the pain of my own thoughts. My brain wants to take me deep into depression, it wants to pick me apart and wonder what the hell is wrong with me to make me fall for such stupidity, to find myself in the middle of such a mess, and to have Michelle find it so simple to walk away from me. She should have felt something for me, the intense time that we shared together, but she potentially fired a gun at me and wanted me dead. That isn’t love, is it?

Did I love her?I wonder aimlessly as we begin the drive.Do I still love her?I wouldn’t even be thinking about this if everything wasn’t so intense and confusing, but now it’s going to consume me until I get answers, which will never happen. If I don’t see Michelle again, which I don’t suppose I will at this point, then I’ll be left wondering forever.

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