“Trust me.” I take her hands in mine and smile. I just want her to see that I have her. Even now, even still. “I get that you don’t know me, and I haven’t exactly done the best job for you, but I’ll keep you alive. I’ll get you home.”
Then I’ll be going home too, I suppose. That’s a place which right now feels a million miles from where I am. I might have lived there for a big chunk of my life, but it feels like a distant memory. Right now, this is all that’s real, Cassie and me, fighting for our survival, needing to stay alive no matter what happens. Her face is the only thing I can see. Her face, her soulful eyes, the way that her eyelashes flutter when she talks… I might not know her in the way that I think I do, but the parts of her that I do know, I feel strongly for. The power that Cassie has over me is crazy. It’s everything.
I don’t know what that’s going to translate into, but if it powers us both to keep us alive, then that’s something.
“Okay, so you are going to get me home,” she says all defeated, not that I’m falling for it. She still doesn’t buy anything that I’m saying to her. I can almost see the cogs ticking around in her brain, and she’s trying to accept the death that’s, in her mind, coming for her. “But until then, we are going to keep running so that no one can find us in this jungle.”
“Right, exactly.” I nod slowly. “Which doesn’t sound too hard, does it? It’s a massive place, so we should be able to find somewhere to hide within it. Somewhere they can’t find us. So, we should get moving quickly.”
She lets me take her hand, and we move rapidly. Not quite running, but not really walking, either. Determination surges through me with every step because now more than ever, I know that I need to keep us both safe.
10
CASSIE
Idon’t know if I can do this anymore. Any of it. All of it. It’s getting overwhelming for me now, too intense, too much to handle. I want to stop, but since we’ve been moving for what must have been hours now, I don’t want it all to be for nothing. Weneedto remain alive after fighting so hard. I don’t think I’ve ever fought so hard in my life.
The sweat runs off both of us. The panting is desperate and aching, killing us from the inside out, but Benji has a determined look on his face. I can tell by the way his eyebrows knot together and his cheeks stain with redness. I wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling, what’s going to happen next. If he’s giving up on me, then I’ll give up too.
“What are we doing?” I can’t stand the silence. It’s too intense. “What’s the plan? Do you even have one?”
He glances around, pointedly ignoring me. At least, that’s how it feels. “I think that this might be a good spot.”
“A good spot for what?” I follow his eye line. Sure, there’s a little clearing here, which is nice for a change, but…
“For us to camp.” Benji drops his backpack on the dirt. “For us to get some rest and give those guys time to tire themselves out. I don’t know if they’re going to give up or not, but I can’t imagine them coming this way. We can plan a way out from here in the morning when we’re refreshed and we have clearer heads. We can still get to the motel afterward, a different way around, as long as they aren’t surrounding that fucking place. I don’t want to fight with those assholes again.”
He shakes his head sadly, and I get a strong sense that he doesn’t like the fighting as much as the deaths shook me. If he isn’t keen on killing and he did it anyway, then he did it for me. He did that to keep me alive. We’re both going to suffer from this.
“Those men,” I gasp out as I bend forward to grab onto my knees to try and get some air into my lungs. “They were so much bigger than Alex. They were going to rip me to shreds, I can’t even imagine… oh, my God, I can’t even imagine.”
I begin shaking painfully as this washes over me. There’s no telling what the gang would have done to me, and it’s fucking terrifying. It’s absolutely petrifying. I can’t stand it. I thought that Alex was a scary guy, but he was nothing compared to them. He really was just a small-time criminal with no idea what the hell he was getting himself in for. My God, he was going to end up dead whatever, so why the hell did he even get himself involved? Why would he do that? What a fucking idiot.
“Can I speak to my father?” I ask Benji sadly, now really needing a familiar voice in my ear. “Can I call him? Just quickly.”
There’s a beat of silence, one that lasts far too long and leaves me reeling in anxiety. This isn’t going to happen. He isn’t going to allow me to speak to my family, I know it before he even opens his mouth and starts explaining things to me.
“That isn’t a good idea. I’m sorry, I do understand your frustration, but a cellphone signal could lead the gang to us if they have a way to track it. I can’t say that they definitely do have that, but we need to be careful. We fought too hard to lose now. We have to be quiet, we have to remain still and in position. We need to follow the plan that I’ve set in place…”
Disappointment crushes me, but I understand what he’s saying to me. I can’t wreck what we have gone so far to achieve. I’m going to have to give it time before I can let my family know how I’m doing. My siblings, my kid brothers and sisters. I want them to know that I’m alive most of all. I don’t want them lying up at night worrying about me any longer. It’s frustrating, but I suppose I’ll have to allow one more night of worry before we all can finally be reunited and back in each other’s lives.
“But my boss will be in touch with your family,” Benji continues in an attempt to reassure me. “He will be talking to them the entire time to keep them reassured, and my boss is a good guy. He knows how to keep people calm in this sort of situation.”
I try to accept this, but I can only picture everyone stressing out for different reasons. It makes me feel all tense inside, like knots are forming in the pit of my stomach, like my organs are boiling in a pit of poison. Everything is bubbling and agonizing. I wonder if Benji can see the way that my face is struggling to comprehend some boss of Benji’s being good for my dad…
Although Benji is a good guy, I get that feeling already, so maybe the person he works for is awesome as well. I just… don’t like being out of control of everything. I don’t like not knowing what’s going on with my family. I don’t like being out in the world without any kind of link keeping me fixed in one place. All my big talk about wanting to explore the world, and I guessI can’t handle it. Not that this is the way I wanted to experience the world, of course. I don’t think anyone would likethis.
“Can I call them when we get back to the motel, then?” I ask Benji instead. “I just want them to know I’m alive.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Benji insists. “As soon as it’s safe to do so, you can call them. I know you must be desperate. I can’t imagine how it is not to speak to your family. Especially in this situation. It’s a really challenging one.”
He grabs something out of his bag and hands it to me. It’s food. I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until the moment something edible was put in my hands. Now I’m aching to eat it. I probably eat much faster than I would normally, but my gut is screaming. I can’t remember the last time that I had food slide down my throat. Long before all of this started.
But I haven’t even thought about it, and maybe I wouldn’t have done so if Benji wasn’t here for me, caring about me.
“I’m going to set up the tent here now,” Benji assures me. “Because this is where we’re going to sleep, right?”
I nod, accepting this easily now. It isn’t like I have any other choice. Benji has made a decision and I’m going to have to trust him to take care of me. If my father hired his company, hired this man, then maybe I should just sit back and let him do what he knows is best. He’s the expert, after all. I have no idea what’s going on here. This isn’t something I’m used to. I’ve never even been camping before, not even in some kind of normal situation. This couldn’t be more alien to me.