Page 32 of Guarded By the SEAL

We laugh and hug before I sprint off to get into that cab. This is the most positive that I have felt in a long time. I’m not positive that all will end well, but it’s the right thing for me to do. I can’t sit still any longer. I need to move one way or the other. I have to make some decisions soon enough. One way or another, forward in the way that I always thought my life would go, or off on a tangent.

This is my first step in that. But before I face Petra, I want to go home, straighten myself up. When she sees me again, I want to be the best version of myself, whatever happens. Then at least I can guarantee that I gave it my all. I won’t have to walk away wondering if I could have done more.

The cab ride has sobered me up a lot, or maybe it’s the terrifying thought of facing Petra once more. Either way, I feel like my head is well and truly screwed on when I get home. Yet that doesn’t stop me from rushing up to the shower to get rid of the horrible stink of being in a nightclub. I need that gone right away. I don’t even take a look around at the home I haven’t been inside in what feels like forever. I ignore all the mail that’s piling up by the door. I only have one mission in mind and that’s to get to Petra.

“Say sorry,” I whisper to myself as the hot jets of water rush over me. “Maybe even tell her how you feel. I know that’s scary, but the potential reward would be absolutely incredible. Happily ever after shit.”

I don’t want to get too hyped up on the idea of Petra wanting me right back, though, because it can’t be a devastating loss when she doesn’t. I mean, it will be anyway, but more so than normal. I need to accept that the hatred is probably going to be all I get. This will be the start of my moving away.

Still, I dress up in my nicest suit. I make sure that I look my best, I can’t help myself. Even after everything that we have been through, the need to impress Petra, to give her a good impression of me is overwhelming. And to think that I once just thought of her as an annoying rich bitch…

Now, she’s everything to me, and I might have already lost her before we even had a chance.

“You can do this,” I tell my reflection before I reach for my cellphone to call a cab. “It will be fine. I suppose it might not be fine, but you will survive it. You have gotten through much worse, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You have been to hell and back, so you can stomach this as well. You have no choice.”

I don’t have a cellphone number to reach her, and even if I did, I stupidly tossed her phone into the ocean anyway, so I’ll have to go to her home to greet her. I only have one address for her, and it’s where I went to pick her up, not far from her father’s home. She’s much more likely to be there than at the marital home anyway, isn’t she? After everything she has been through. I sure hope so, anyway. Otherwise, I might never be able to find her and both of us will be left without answers. After all our battles, we can’t lose that now.

25

PETRA

Imiss sleep. I know that I had a nap this afternoon, but it’s not the same as a real deep sleep. But how can I rest after the day that I’ve had? Being discharged from the hospital, finding the note, speaking to the police about the evidence and the lawyers about the will… I should be shattered, but instead, I’m wired. My brain is all over the place and I can’t even be bothered to lie down. I’m pacing everywhere.

“Go to bed,” I growl at myself as I see the clock hanging on the wall. “It’s so late. Get some sleep.”

I know that I need rest, especially if I’m going to start trying to get my life back in order in the morning since there’s no time like the present, but I already know that I’ll ignore my own advice. I’ll just keep walking around the house in the dark, waiting for some kind of inspiration to strike.

“Dad wants me to be happy.” I suppose I could make a plan instead. Get something out of this time. “That’s all he wants for me. But how can I be happy? What would make me that way?”

I hate the way my brain immediately darts to the man who shot Dad. I know that Harry and I could make one another happy if our time on the island is anything to go by. I know we have a great shot, and I’m also very aware that he shouldn’t be on my mind since he pulled the trigger, yet he’s always there.

“He didn’t do it on purpose,” I whisper while tapping my chin. “He wouldn’t have shot my father if he had known. It was Jake’s fault, which is why he’s the one behind bars. He made everything happen. But he still did it, which could turn out to be something that we can’t overcome. It might be a challenge.”

Plus, another scary thought which I don’t want to say aloud is the fact that he didn’t come to visit me at the hospital for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is, but it could be simply not wanting to see me again. I shouldn’t be the woman chasing after a man who doesn’t want me. Not a chance.

“But I want to see him.” My fists curl up by my sides. “I want to speak to him. I don’t want to leave it as is.”

The last time we saw one another was a terrible time in that warehouse, and we didn’t even say goodbye to one another. Sure, he was only the guy who was hired to watch me, but in the short time that we were together, we became more to one another than that. I think that we deserve more of a goodbye than we got.

It might turn out pleasant, a nice moment of closure, or it could erupt into hell. I don’t know, but it seems like my mind is set on finding out. I’m going to find Harry, wherever he is, and force him to talk.

In my father’s office, he has everything and that includes Harry’s home address. Turning up in the middle of the night like a crazywoman might not be my best plan ever, but I won’t be able to sleep until we’ve chatted. It won’t happen. I don’t know what our conversation will consist of, but I'd rest better afterward.

With a newfound spring in my step because I finally have a bit of aim, even if it’s only for what I intend to do directly next rather than something massive, I head into my bedroom to get dressed. Maybe in the past, Harry has seen me at my absolute worst, but for this conversation, I want to look good.

“You are about to make a fool of yourself,” I tell my reflection as I try on dress after dress. “Getting dressed up for a man who doesn’t want you, another man who doesn’t want you.” Although there is no chance in hell that Harry is anything like Jake. “But you’re falling for him, so what can you do?”

It no longer matters to me that I shouldn’t have any feelings for Harry, because I do. It’s as simple and straightforward as that. Even if I was married when we met and he’s damaged by love too, even if we met under the sort of circumstances where feelings really shouldn’t get in the way, even if he pulled the trigger.

I don’t know if anything will happen between us, or even if I want it to, but the feelings are there. I can’t deny them when they’re circling through my veins at the speed of light at all times. I can’t ignore them when the first mention of happiness in my father’s letter made me think of him and the island.

But they will have to go to one side. I can’t allow them to consume me while we talk today. This will just be two adults sorting through this situation to come to some kind of conclusion in one way or another. And if it turns out that he does have feelings for me too and this has all been a giantmisunderstanding… well, that’s the best outcome, isn’t it? Then some seriously awesome stuff can start to happen.

“Do not plan for that,” I hiss at my racing heart. “Don’t plan for something that might not happen.”

I finally decide on a dress to face him. It’s like armor. I want to look my best so I can get through this with some dignity intact, whatever the outcome. I’m about ready to go, to take on this mission and see what will happen next when a car engine surprises me. This house isn’t too near to lots of other places, which means it will likely be coming to see me. But who would be coming to see me at this time? Probably no one with good intentions. I don’t want to think about Jake having access to other people, but what if he does? This could be revenge, his finally taking me down once and for all. Making me lose.

I duck down on instinct, like Jake can see me from where I am, but a morbid curiosity gets the better of me and I crawl over to the window. Instantly, I see that it’s a taxicab with a man climbing out. A man who probably has a gun tucked away somewhere and will take me out while there’s no one around. These men don’t give a shit, do they? They might even be mad at me for tearing the operation down.

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