Page 37 of Got to be You

I clap my hand to my mouth because I’m actually afraid that I might vomit wildly, and I nod in her direction. Spinning on my heels, I run out of the building and onto the street. My head pounds with such a headache that I can hardly see and my eyes blur with agony, but I work through that to get to my car because I need to get out of here. Whatever the fuck this announcement is, I need to see it, and I need to do it alone.

I’m going to fall apart. I’m going to lose my shit, and I don’t need anyone seeing me in that state.

“Fuck,” I whisper to myself as I curl my fingers around the steering wheel. I’m in such a state that I don’t know if I’ll be able to get the car home safely, but I’m going to have to try. This is important. “Fuck’s sake.”

I might be speeding, I’m not quite sure, because all that I can really focus on is the intense need to get back home. I’ll get my TV on immediately and see what this is, whatLionHeartis going to do next. I keep flickering through the radio stations as I go because I don’t want to miss anything, but nothing seems to have happened. Not yet, anyway, but there is something in the air. I know it’s coming.

“Home sweet goddamn home,” I hiss as I pull up outside my place and race inside my apartment. I think someone calls out a hello to me as I go, but I don’t even acknowledge them, much less respond. My eyes are on the prize of the front door and I need to get there as soon as possible.

The door to my home flings open and I stagger inside, grabbing my TV remote as I do, and I flick through all the channels until I find the one thatLionHeartwill be on. But they aren’t yet. There is still time, and time is not my friend right now. I will the minutes away as I bounce up and down on the couch, searching through the Internet on my cell phone as I do. But it’s all rumors, all speculation. No one really knows what’s going on. The suggestions range from the painful to the ridiculous, but I do what I can not to get sucked into any of these ideas. Until I see for sure what’s going on, I just can’t know.

“Come on.” The impatience is just too much. I can’t stand it. “Come the fuck on.”

Ring, ring…I jump as my cell phone blasts out.Ring, ring…I half expect it to be Jax, but I suppose that’s just because I’m thinking about him a lot. Actually, it’s Anna.Ring, ring…

“Hello?” I answer quickly, almost stumbling over my words. “Anna?”

“Are you watching?” she barks right away. “Do you know there is an announcement thing today?”

“I’m watching,” I reply with a warning in my tone. “What do you think it is? This is weird, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll sit on the phone with you so that we can listen to it together.”

I nearly break down into grateful tears because I can’t believe how lucky I am to have a friend like her. She doesn’t need to listen to it together, she just wants to see if I’m okay at the end of it.

“Thank you, Anna, that means a lot to me. You know, I’ve been looking things up online and it’s crazy. People think babies, weddings, rehab, all kinds of things. I just don’t know with that lot. Anything is possible with those guys from the stories I’ve heard from Jax. It seems like they live a crazy life.”

I settle down more comfortably as I talk to my friend because I feel a lot happier having her listening to me. We talk about the rumors and which one we think is the craziest, which passes the time until it’s finally the moment where Jax and the other guys fromLionHeartare on and everything changes forever…

27

JAX

“Are you ready for this, guys?” I ask nervously as we wait in the green room for our performance on one of the most watched afternoon TV shows in the country. “This is a little crazy, isn’t it?”

Spike nods seriously. “It is, but it has to be done, doesn’t it? This is it, the very end.”

I can almost see the relief rolling off him in waves. He has his rehab place booked and as soon as this is over, he’ll be in there getting his life straightened out at long last. I know he has been working hard on keeping away from the drugs on his own, but it hasn’t been possible. His addiction is too strong, but he’s determined, so I know he’ll be able to do it with the right help.

“I don’t feel right doing this.” All of a sudden, Harry looks emotional like he’s actually going to miss performing withLionHeart, like he isn’t the one who was brave enough to start the ball rolling for our breaking up. “It’s odd, isn’t it? And to think I want to do this on my own afterward.”

I let out a little laugh. I can’t imagine the desire to want to go solo, not at the moment, anyway. Perhaps the time will come when that’s exactly what I want, but for now I just need a quiet and peaceful life.

“Well, we will be in the crowd supporting you when you do. It’ll be awesome. You will love it.”

Harry unexpectedly pulls us in for a group hug, which causes me to get a little bit choked up as well. There is no denying that this is the end of an era, a massive chapter in our lives, and that everything is going to be different from here. Working alongside the guys, with the lawyers, to work out loopholes in our ironclad contract to keep us, Will, and the record label happy hasn’t been the easiest. But it has been made better by the fact that we have all been on the same side. As it turns out, we’re so much stronger when we fight together, rather than when we’re fighting one another. We all like it so much more.

I think about our journey for a moment as we hug, from the moment we were strangers and we played together for the very first time, when Spike wouldn’t stop talking, to the day that we moved into our home and the possibilities were endless. I recall singing together, recording together, promoting together back when it was all shiny and new and we were over the moon excited about it… then I think about the days where it took a darker turn, when we all started to drift apart, when the shine was gone and we found ourselves left with the stark realization that this wasn’t quite the dream come true we thought it was.

It hasn’t all been sunshine and roses, but we have survived it together and that’s all that matters. If it hadn’t been for one another, then we wouldn’t be where we are now.

“Oh, looks like it’s time to go on.” Spike pulls away first. “The runner is calling us.”

We gather ourselves up before grabbing our things and heading out onto the stage. Well, it isn’treallya stage, more of a TV set, but it’s the last stage thatLionHeartwill ever play on. After today, we will be free to explore our own lives, to make our own choices, to live the lives that we’ve always wanted…

Lilly, I think to myself excitedly as we get set up.Lilly, I’m coming for you. I hope you’re still waiting for me.I can’t selfishly expect her to when I’ve let her down over and over again, but I can hope.

And then… it’s time. It’s time for us to sing one of our newest hits, one of our most hollow songs, one that I’ve always hated and never been able to put emotion into before, but now that it’s the last time singing it and I’m in an emotional frame of mind, I find myself oddly able to give it my all.

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