Page 26 of Got to be You

I toss my head back and laugh, not at all caring about the hangover which is definitely going to come in the morning. The night out has been so worth it. I’ve forgotten about all of the shitrunning through my brain and pushed it to one side. Drunk like this, I can focus on the here and now. And that is wonderful.

“Anna, I know we say it every time we hang out, but we should try and do it more often.” I rest my hand on her shoulder. “We don’t get enough time to really catch up once a month.”

“I know, I know, we do need to.” She pouts playfully.

“I hate work. It’s so busy. It makes me so busy.”

“I get it. But we should try anyway, right? Somehow. Find things that we can do together.”

“Oh, yeah?” I cock an eyebrow at her. “Like go to a rock gig happening soon?”

I don’t know why I’ve brought this back up again. I have no reason for my addled brain to come back to this topic which we left behind hours ago, but there is a part of me which wants to talk about it once more. I can’t help myself. I’ve opened the floodgates of Jax, and now I want to go back there.

“Are you thinking about it?” Anna lights up, letting me know this is something that she really wants to do. I don’t know if it’s for the reunion or Adam, but it doesn’t really matter. She wants it.

“I don’t know… maybe,” I admit. “It would get me some closure on the whole thing, wouldn’t it?”

Is that the alcohol talking or is it really a good idea? I honestly don’t feel like I can just go on like I’ve been doing. I need to do something to get over Jax or I’ll never be able to move on. I’ll never meet someone else. I don’t want to be hung up on someone I can’t get involved with forever. It’s sad.

“Yes!” Anna lights up. “I think’s for the best. We can show the guys that we have grown past them, that we’re so much better than them. We can kick their asses and move on properly.”

Yep, that sounds perfect. I like that plan. It sounds absolutely perfect. What a way to prove to myself that I can move on. I fell in love with Jax over his music, and now I can end this with his music. I thought that the moment he came to my home with my necklace and we said goodbye was the end, but it wasn’t. This is. Anna and I are going to do this together. We can support one another through it.

“And then I’m going to tell my boss where to go as well.” Okay, I think that might be just a drunken gesture, because I can’t honestly imagine her doing that anytime soon. “Get rid of all the toxic men in my life. We deserve to find someone decent to make us happy.”

In the heat of this night, in the middle of all this fun, it really does feel like Anna and I are going to get it all. The happily ever after that we deserve, and it’s going to happen at that gig. Not because we’re reconnecting with our past, but because we’re finally saying goodbye and putting it behind us forever.

I want to be happy. Anna wants to be happy. We want to have a well-rounded life including a romance that works for me. The sparks that I once shared and the chemistry, someone who gets me, unlike Dan. Dan or a man from my past who doesn’t even want me shouldn’t be my only options. Somehow, I need to find a way to open up my heart once more and to let people in. That’s where I need to start.

“Come on.” I grab Anna by the arm as she starts to sway. “Let’s get out of here. I’ll walk you home. Then we can discuss what kick-ass outfits we’re going to wear when we get our closure.”

“You need to wear red,” Anna insists. “You always look good in red, Lilly. And I’ll try black. Oh, and I think you should put one of those flower rings in your hair. They’re so cute. You look like a surfer chick, a pixie, a fairy. I remember that’s how you looked on the first night I met you.”

The first night that I met him as well, not that I’m thinking of it in that way. Still, it could be closure, full-circle. The flowers could be the symbol of the beginning of the end.

I let Anna drunkenly lean on me as I lead her out toward the cabs, because she isn’t walking anywhere, and we discuss clothing as we walk. I can’t seem to stop myself from growing in excitement as I think about it. It’ll be a good night, won’t it? It’ll be good for us, I’m sure of it. We need this. Both of us.

19

JAX

“Where are we headed next?” Harry yells annoyingly loudly as we crash back onto the tour bus after another very long gig. I swear that every single night of this tour is worse than the last. I’m more tired and the shows seem to go on for longer. I know we owe it to the fans to give them our best show because they have paid a lot to come and see us, but I don’t know if I have it in me. “Did anyone say?”

“Who cares?” I mumble as I crash onto my tour bus bed, officially the most uncomfortable way to sleep in the universe. “It’s all the same, isn’t it? We get up, do our thing, and go?”

Spike says nothing, what a fucking surprise. The day that he says anything would be a goddamn miracle. I don’t give a shit, though. This has been weeks, and I’m sure that we have weeks left of this. We might as well just slide our eyes closed and wait until there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s a whirlwind. Touring always is, but somehow, it never ends fast enough.

I turn over onto my side and grab my bottle of booze. Vodka, I think it is. It all tastes the same anyway. It works to take the edge off, and I take a swig. My heart stops racing quite as fast, but it takes me a lot more than it used to, to get that calmer, more blissful feeling where I can sink into sleep.

“What the fuck were you doing up there anyway tonight, Spike?” Harry calls out, setting off yet another round of arguing. Perfect, just what I wanted to listen to as I’m clearly trying to sleep.

Someone snorts. What they’re putting up their nose, I don’t know. Which one of them it is, I’m not sure. As long as they leave me here with my bottle of booze in peace, alone, I don’t give a shit.

“Me? What the hell were you guys playing at?” Spike growls. “Both of you were shit tonight. The song… you know, the one that we played in the middle, oh, what the fuck is it called?” He clicks his fingers a few times just trying to recall anything that he can, but it must not be working. “Oh, anyway, who gives a shit? You were both goddamn terrible at it. We won’t have anyone at our next show if we aren’t careful.”

“No, Spike, we won’t have anyone at our next gig if you keep sneaking in girls to fuck in the dressing room. Anddon’ttry to tell me that you were just doing drugs together because I don’t buy it.”

---