Page 23 of Got to be You

“Oh, right.” His shoulders sag forward in defeat. “Because I was hoping for more time to hang out one on one. We haven’t had much time to get to know one another yet, and I would like to.”

“Hmm.” God, I wish I had something better to say. “Well, like I said, I’ll have to see.”

I try to walk away from Dan, but he doesn’t want to let me go. He grabs onto my arm, and I’m forced to shake him off. I glare a little angrily because I don’t like anyone touching me without permission, but Dan doesn’t seem to get it. He just carries on asking me what time I’m going to the bar, even though I said that I wasn’t sure whether I was going or not. It’s starting to get annoying, so I end up walking away in the middle of the conversation. I don’t even know if I’m being rude or not but it doesn’t matter. I want out.

“Is Dan bothering you?” Sandra hisses as soon as I’m beside her. “Again? I can talk to him if you want. Or maybe I can get Human Resources involved if that’s what you want?”

“I don’t think we’re at that stage yet, but I will if it gets to it.” I nod. “I’m just going to test the speaker. Make sure he doesn’t follow me because I don’t know if I’ll be able to not yell today.”

As I walk off with my teeth gritted together in temper, my brain remembers the last time I had any kind of sexual desire for a man and unfortunately, that was Jax. That raw, unbridled chemistry has never been matched, and I really don’t think it ever will be. Especially not with a guy like Dan. He just doesn’t do anything for me at all. I don’t get any tingling, any excitement, any throbbing… and without that, how can I even consider starting afresh? I justwishthat I could either forget about Jax and how he made me feel or meet someone better who can brush those stupid memories away from me.

It doesn’t help always wearing his necklace,I remind myself as I touch the pendant gently, wondering why I’ve never taken it off. Ever since I got it back, I’ve kept it close to my heart.But then again, seeing his damn face everywhere and hearing his music all the time don’t help, either.

I can’t escapeLionHeartand Jax. They have been everywhere for the last few years. He really has lived out his dream. My God, he was right to give up college when he did because he absolutely has it all. It makes me pleased that I let him go when I did because he needed to spread his wings and fly.

I’m flying too. In my own way. My dreams were never quite as big as Jax’s, anyway. I like to be behind the scenes. It’s where I succeed best. He doesn’t need to see my face everywhere all the time. I’m sure he has forgotten me, anyway. He’s surrounded by supermodels and gorgeous women all the time. Why would he remember someone he felt a bit of love with way back when he was in college?

“I’m over him anyway,” I hiss to myself angrily. “It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”

“Did you say something?” I suddenly realize that Sandra is right behind me, listening to me prattle on to myself like a crazy person. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt but I just wanted to let you know I sent Dan away. Back to the reception desk. I let him know you’re too busy for the rest of the day.”

“Thank you, Sandra.” I roll my eyes. “Sorry, I know I’m being a pain. I just don’t want to deal.”

“I think Dan is a nice guy.” She shrugs her shoulders and smiles at me. “Why don’t you like him?”

“I can’t explain it. He just… I don’t like him in the way that I should. He isn’t… the one.”

“He doesn’t have to be ‘the one’. You could just have a bit of fun,” Sharon replies smartly.

I laugh bitterly. “The last time I tried to have fun with someone, I ended up falling in love and getting my heart broken. I don’t exactly think I’m made to just have some fun with someone.”

“Oh, yeah?” Sharon cocks an eyebrow at me. “Care to tell me the story about this person?”

I sigh deeply. “I don’t know. It’s a bit of a crazy one. I don’t know if you would believe me if I told you.”

Just at that moment, as if to torture me more, the newestLionHeartsong comes on the radio, stabbing me in the heart. Every time I hear Jax’s singing voice, a voice that feels like it’s directed just at me, I can hardly breathe. It’s tough, it’s too much, but I can’t lose it now because Sandra is looking at me.

“The leader singer of this band.” I point up toward the speakers. “He’s the one who broke my heart.”

“You dated a famous person?” she half screams. “Oh, my God, how did you manage that?”

“No, no, he wasn’t famous then.” I shake my head and laugh a little. “It was before. We broke up because he was going off to become famous and I didn’t want to hold him back. I thought it was for the best.”

“Wow, so you were the one who broke up with Jax? That shocks me. I can’t imagine anyone breaking up with that heartbreaker. That’s insane. You’re such a dark horse, Lilly. I like that about you.”

“Yeah, well, it makes it harder to move on from him because he’s everywhere, all the time.”

“I can totally see why Dan isn’t doing it for you now. Bad boy rock stars are your type.”

I lean back a little and slide my eyes closed, just allowing myself to listen to him for a few moments. His voice does break my heart, and he probably is a heartbreaker these days. I doubt I’m the only heart left behind him, but I just need a second. A second to absorb this before I remind myself that I need to keep on trudging forward and moving on, keep healing myself minute by minute.

“I don’t think dating a bad boy rock star would be fun anyway,” I say with a fake sounding laugh. “The partying, the women, the touring… I don’t think I could stand it.”

“I know, I agree.” Sandra nods emphatically, her eyes shining with delight. “There would be a lot of bad parts. But think of the hot guy, think of the money, think of the lifestyle.”

Oh, yeah, the money, the lifestyle. I never thought of Jax like that. When I think of him he’s still the boy who left me behind three years ago with only Katie to help me pick up the pieces, but he might be a rich, arrogant prick these days. The person I loved might not even exist any longer…

I wish that thought would turn me off the idea of him, even make me hate him, but after three long and torturous years, I’m still conflicted over my feelings for him, and I’m starting to think I always will be.

---