Page 36 of Got to be You

“Well, what are you going to do next? You never said anything about it in the meeting.”

“Oh, I know exactly what I’m going to do.” I laugh. “It might not be sorting my life out or a solo career like you’re having, but I’m going to get the girl that I love. I let her go too many times for this career, and I won’t do it again. I think it’s finally time for us to be together.”

Ifwe get out of this, of course, which I’m still not convinced of. But I’m holding onto hope because that’s the only thing that I have at the moment. Hope. Hope that the jail cell will burst open and finally, all of us will be free to explore the lives that we want more than anything in the world. Even if that means completely different things to all of us.

26

LILLY

The other woman. I’ve been the other woman, the bit on the side, the affair. It makes me feel dirty every single time that I think about it. Sure, I didn’t know about Jax’s Hollywood girlfriend at the time, but I’m not sure that makes it any better. I let him into my life, into my bed, and I never even thought to ask.

“You okay, Lilly?” Sandra asks me loudly, reminding me that I’m at work and not at home where I can just hang out and daydream on my own. “You look like you’re off in Dreamland today. Anything I can help with?” I shake my head no. “Are you sure? You know I’m a good listener, not just a boss.”

I force myself to smile a little bit. “I think I just had my heart broken one more time. By an ex.”

“Oh, my God.” The color practically drains from her face. “Not the guy fromLionHeart?” Shit, I forgot that I had confessed all when it came to Jax. That was a stupid move. “I knew that they were nearby playing recently, and I wasn’t sure if it was going to be awkward to bring it up, but you have been quiet since then.”

My head hangs forward. “Well, I guess I was tricked into hooking up with him without knowing that he has a girlfriend, so now I feel all sad and idiotic, like I never knew him properly at all.”

“He has a girlfriend?” Immediately, she grabs out her cell phone to look it up. “Oh, I don’t know about that. Some websites say that he’s dating an actress, but others say they aren’t together because there aren’t any pictures of them. I don’t think you can believe everything that you read. No one knows for sure.”

“No smoke without fire.” I shrug dejectedly. “And yeah, I suppose I don’t know what’s going on with him and this other woman, but he left before I even woke up with a crappy little note, so the end result is still the same. We aren’t ever going to be together. We’re always going to bethis.”

Sandra doesn’t know what to say to this, which is hardly surprising. I’ve been pondering it for ages and I still have no idea what to think about any of it. I wish I could just forget about it, to be honest, not think of it anymore. I would like it if it never happened, but I suppose it did and I need to learn to exist alongside the consequences of my actions. The only thing I can be sure of is that it won’t happen again, ever.

“I’m sorry, Lilly,” Sandra says sadly to me. “That’s really horrible. No wonder you’ve been distracted lately. You know, I do understand heartbreak, so if you need some time off, I totally get it.”

“No, I don’t want time off.” I shake my head hard. “Work is the only thing keeping me going at the moment. It’s keeping me busy and giving me a great distraction. If I go home, then I’ll wallow.”

“Oh, well that’s no good.” She smiles sadly at me, shaking her head in sympathy as she does. “If you need to be here, then you be here. I’m here if you need anything. Anything at all.”

She walks away, leaving me knowing that I have a friend here, even if she’s my boss. Sandra is a good person, though. She has always been a great boss to me, and I love her for it. But unfortunately, this time around, there isn’t anything that anyone can say to make me feel better. Every time I try, I remember that I almost went to LA to surprise him and I might have found him with his real girlfriend, putting me in the middle of a scandal that would definitely get the media’s attention. I don’t want that.

I came to my senses. I found out the truth just in time, so there is always that silver lining.

I get back to work, trying my hardest to focus, and I block everything else out as much as I can. It’s hard. My brain keeps drifting off, back to that night and everything that I should have done differently, but a sharp reminder that I can’t change the past now, only the future, gets me back on track once more.

It’s only when I hear whispering and gossiping from the actors and actresses in the latest theater production that I drag myself from my own thoughts to try and see what’s going on. This isn’t normal gossip, this is the sort of buzz that only comes from something major happening, something real. And not just in the theater, but in the outside world. I can’t seem to stop myself from being intrigued.

I slide down from where I am to listen in to what they’re saying, just because I need something to make this day a little more bearable. Even if it is just some silly little gossip about people I don’t know…

“There’s an announcement,” someone whispers. “After they sing their new song on that show. What do you think it’ll be?LionHeartdoesn’t ever do this sort of thing. It’s weird.”

LionHeart? Oh, my God, they’re talking about Jax’s band, about some announcement. What the hell could that possibly be? Of course, I haven’t looked him up online since I found out about his girlfriend, but now I’m tempted to because I’m intrigued. I really want to know what’s happening here. I have to know.

“It could be a new album,” someone offers. “A change in musical direction. We don’t know, do we?”

“But they’ve never done that before, so why now? Maybe one of them is having a baby.”

My chest tightens. If Jax is having a baby then I’ll lose my shit. He’ll have it all, including the happy family, and I’ll just be the girl he left behind. The one that he fed lies to and never gave a shit about. And I might not be the only one. There might be other women in the same place that I am. I could just be in a long line of people who want to tear him apart because he’s treated them like shit.

“Or marriage, it could be that as well. Is Spike still with that French woman?”

This sparks so much talking that I no longer know what’s going on. I can’t pick anything up, which is probably for the best since every word is making my anxiety worse, but I can’t help wanting to know more. It’s almost as if I enjoy torturing myself. So much so that I know I’ll end up watching whatever the hell is going on. I have to, don’t I? To finally be in the know about everything. Especially because I just know it’s to do with Jax, I can just tell deep in my gut. This is something to do with his future.

I walk away from the crowd of people, heading toward the exit, and as I pass Sandra on the way, I pause to explain myself. “Sandra, I think I do need to go home, if you don’t mind. I don’t feel good.”

“Sure, okay,” she shoots back, totally understanding me in a way that I’m sure no other boss would. “You go home and take care of yourself. Give me a call if you need anything, okay? Anything at all.”

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