Page 35 of Got to be You

“Oh, fuck off, Harry,” he snaps back. “Just because you’re a brown noser who wants to lick the asses of everyone here. I don’t need your absolute bullshit right now. I’m pissed off as all hell.”

“More like coming down.” As Harry rolls his eyes, I can see that the camaraderie that we briefly shared is long gone now. We’re back to the monotony of arguing constantly. Just what I need. I slide my eyes closed and do what I can to tune them out. I also need to block out the fact that the walls are closing in on me, trapping me, making me feel all claustrophobic and sick. “You’re an idiot, Spike.”

I think of Lilly. Only Lilly. The image of her sleeping like that, like an angel, just before I left. I hated leaving her like that. It tore me apart. But I didn’t see what else I could do at the time. It felt like I had no choice in the matter. I wanted to protect her, to keep her away from everything.

What I should have done is stayed with her, refused to come back here. Again, I chose all wrong.

“LionHeart.” Someone calls us into the room to have our meeting at long last. Thank God, because it’s just about the only thing that can shut the other two up. “Come on, they’re waiting for you.”

We trudge into the room and sit in the chairs set out for us, pushing apart from one another because we just can’t stand to be around one another anymore, and we wait to see what is coming next.

A new album. As soon as the meeting starts, it’s obvious what they want. A new album, new single releases, another tour, lots of promo events… the whole journey starting all over again. I don’t know if I can stand it. I’m not sure if I have it in me to stand in the recording studio once more. I just can’t…

“I’m not doing it.” I’m shocked back into the room by Harry’s demand. “I don’t think any of us want to go through all of that again. We hateLionHeart,we hate one another, we hate the music… personally, I think you have earned enough from us and it’s time to let us go.”

A thick silence floods the room. I don’t know what to say to fill the silence, but I do feel something new inside me. Could this be hope because everything is about to look up all over again? I mean, if none of us want to continue with this, then surely, they can’t force us to continue, can they? There is no contract that can hold us together if we refuse. If all of us refuse. Ooh, is this for real?

“Look at what this fucking band is doing to me,” Spike growls. “I am so out of my mind on drugs most of the time because I hate it so much, and if I carry on this way, I might die. I need rehab, man, and bad.”

“And I want to go solo,” Harry jumps in. “I don’t want to be the bass guitarist anymore. I want to be the lead guitarist and the singer as well. If I have to stay with the band, I might lose my fucking mind.”

Everyone looks at me, and I realize that it’s time for me to give my opinions as well. It’s funny that inside my mind, I’ve been so determined to leave, but now, saying it aloud is weirdly difficult. It’ll be giving up on everything, which I suppose is good because it doesn’t make me happy. Lilly does, and maybe Lilly could if we walked away from this. Perhaps this would be our chance to finally be together.

“I don’t want to be in the band either,” I admit. “It isn’t working out for any of us any longer. We need it to end and we need it to end now before it destroys us all. It isn’t healthy for any of us.”

The guys from the record label don’t look too impressed. I don’t think they know what to say to us, but it’s out there now. In the open. It’s up to them to do with this information what they will. It’s funny. I feel connected to the guys again now, like we’re all on the same page, heading toward the end. As I meet Spike’s eyes, he even smiles at me. Poor guy is tired of the life that he has put himself into, and he wants to sort himself out. I didn’t even know he felt that way. I just kinda assumed that he liked being the party guy. It just shows that we have all had our own struggles in all of this. It needs to be done.

“Just walking away from all of this isn’t possible,” one of the record label guys tells us defiantly. “There are contracts and legal considerations to be made. This isn’t a straightforward matter.”

I can see what he means, but I don’t know if the record label is going to have control over us any longer. Not if we’re all onthe same side for the first time in a very long time. Together, we’re more powerful than anything. I feel a sense of freedom overcoming us, chasing us down, finally letting us out of here.

“Look,” I start, feeling an inner strength that I haven’t had for ages. “We all want out. Spikeneedsout. I think you guys should be able to see that more than anyone. Harry has a plan for a solo career, and I haven’t been happy for a long time. I’ve had my own troubles with alcohol and… well, I don’t want to go back to that. It’s time for you to start caring about us as people rather than just money making machines.”

The other guys agree, but I can see that the record label guys aren’t going to go down easily. An argument erupts, but I sit back and say nothing because I think I’ve said enough now. I’ve made my point very clear. I’ve said what I need to, and now they’re going to have to find a way to get onboard.

“What are we going to do about Will?” Harry suddenly hisses to me. “We’re going to have to go through all of this again with him soon enough. He might be even less understanding than these guys.”

“True,” I reply without even a scrap of self-doubt in my voice. “But we can do anything. Together.”

My God, it feels good to be a team again, to all be working together, to know we’re going to work toward the same goal which will end up making all of us happy. This is important for us all and we’ll get it.

“I guess we need to pack everything up soon, don’t we?” Spike declares with a sigh as we all look around the house that was once so shiny and excitable for us. “If we’re really going to leave all of this behind. I mean, I don’t know if we’re going to get out of our contract yet, but we’re going to have to say goodbye.”

We fall into a silence, and I think each of us is remembering the early days when we had no idea what was coming for us. If only we could have been given a glimpse of the future to see where we were going to end up, I wonder if we would do things differently the second time around.

“It doesn’t seem that long ago now, does it?” I muse. “We were all different people then, right?”

“We were,” Harry agrees. “And we have changed so much, but we will always be in one another’s lives, won’t we? We will always have this experience bonding us. So, that good can come from it.”

Without thinking about it any longer, I hook both arms around my friends and smile at them. Because they’re still my friends, and I think even though this has happened, we will all be okay in the end.

“Good luck with your solo career, by the way, Harry.” I pat him on the back. “We will support you through it, you know. We will be here for you no matter what happens in the future.”

“Yeah, and you too, Spike,” he joins in, leaning across me. “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, and that’s a lot because I’ve been a massive asshole to you, but I’m hoping that we can get to a better place one day. All I really want is for you to be happy and healthy.”

“That might be a wish too far, buddy,” Spike admits. “But I’ll do my best. Hey, what about you, Jax?”

“What do you mean?” I ask him curiously. “How about me what?”

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