Page 33 of Got to be You

Finally, she lets go of me, and I immediately bolt up into a sitting position so that I can hug and kiss her while we both fall into the pit of pleasure all over again. We swallow up one another’s moans, cling to each other as the pleasure absolutely screams through us, and it bonds us tightly, putting us back in the same bubble where we'd once existed. Where no one else could ever bother us…

“Holy shit.” We collapse onto the couch together, panting in the post-orgasmic bliss. “Wow, Jax.”

“Tell me about it.” I chuckle. “I forgot how incredible you are. My God, you’re something else.”

She gives me a little look like she doesn’t quite trust me, like she thinks I probably have a different woman in my bed every night, which definitely isn’t true anymore, and that I say the same thing to all of them, which has never been the case because it wouldn’t be the truth with any of them… No one is quite like Lilly to me. No one ever would be or could be. I wish I could take her with me.

I turn onto one side and stare at Lilly, knowing that I still love her and that I probably always will, but realistically, I can’t bring her with me to LA. Not only because she has a great life set outfor her here, where she’s happy and content, but because LA is a messy, horrible place and there is no way that I want to bring her into that. I want to get out, if anything, but I can’t get out. I have no choice in the matter. I’m legally stuck in that hell. It’s a shame, a real, horrible shame that makes me feel a little bit sick.

I want Lilly, I need her, but am I destined to never be with her? Am I fated to always want her but to always be pulled away from her because as much as I want to be with her, I can’t?

Oh, God, if that’s the case, then I might actually not survive. I don’t think I canbewithout her. Not forever.

24

LILLY

“Whoa, what happened to you?” Anna asks as soon as I walk into the bar to meet her for our usual monthly meetup… only we’re doing it a couple of weeks earlier than normal because we both have a lot to say to one another. Well, I know I do, and according to her, there has been a lot going on with her as well. “You look really sad. I didn’t know this was going to be something bad.”

She hands me my drink and I take it willingly. To be honest, I’ve had a giant weight on my shoulders over the last couple of weeks, ever since the night of theLionHeartgig, and it’s not going anywhere. I’m hoping that tonight, when I’m finally ready to talk through it all, I’ll feel a little better.

“Yeah, it’s been a bit of a nightmare,” I admit wearily as I sink into my seat. “But it’s good to see you. Tell me what’s going on with you. I would rather hear all of your news first. Is it good news?”

“Er, yeah. it is.” I can see it. Anna’s eyes are shining gleefully. “Really good, actually. And it all stemmed from that night. You know, the night of the gig. That changed everything for me.”

Huh, me too, but I don’t think it’s in the same way. I nod slowly and listen to her as she continues.

“So, you know how I basically told Adam where to go?” I nod again, wondering where this is going to go. “Well, when we got into the nightclub, he continued to try and hit on me, but I told him where to go. I explained that we were toxic the whole time. He said that he’s changed, but I know he hasn’t.”

“Nothing happened with you guys?” I ask suspiciously, because I have a funny feeling I know where this ends. “You didn’t accidently end up kissing at the end of the night or whatever?”

“No.” She laughs, like the idea of this is absolutely hilarious. “No, I stood my ground and wouldn’t let anything happen. I was so proud of myself and I wasn’t about to ruin that. So, afterward, I went home and the next day, I carried on being strong, and I told my boss where to go… you know, not enough to lose my job or anything, but so that he knows we aren’t going to hook up again. We’re done.”

“That’s amazing.” I can’t stop myself from grinning ear to ear. “I’m so proud of you, Anna.”

“Right, and it’s led to my meeting justthebest guy, Lilly. I can’t even tell you.” She’s swooning. Just talking about him is making her swoon. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this way about anyone. “His name is Matt and he’s gorgeous. Self-sufficient, decent, and hereallylikes me. There is no messing around with him, which is crazy. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where there is no game play.”

She grabs her cell phone and shows me a picture of her and her new guy, and while it might be too soon to really tell, she looks happier than I’ve ever seen her. I’m blown away by her news.

“Wow, Anna, that’s great,” I say in shock. “Really great. He looks like a nice person.”

“He is, and it’s because I got my closure, Lilly. That night… it tied everything up for me.”

A warmth floods me, which makes me incredibly happy for her. Anna is like a new person. She has blossomed from her flower bud and emerged as something so much better. I like that for her.

“That’s amazing, Anna. You’ll have to let me meet him at some point so I can vet him.”

“You never vetted my boss.” She laughs. “But I suppose that’s because you already knew that he was a bad person, right? No good for me. But Matt is. He really is, I’m absolutely positive about it.”

We sit in silence for a moment, her stewing in her happiness and me considering why the night didn’t have the same effect on me. It turned everything upside down for me, but in the worst way.

“So, tell me your news as well,” Anna finally says, turning the spotlight around on me. “What’s your news? I have a feeling that it’s to do with that night as well, because it changed everything, didn’t it?”

I dig into my handbag and pull out the letter that I have in there, because honestly, I can’t find the words to speak right now. She takes it from me and begins to read it aloud, destroying me further.

“Lilly, you know I love you. I’ve always loved you. You’re the one for me. This night that we’ve spent together has onlyconfirmed that for me. But my life is too complicated. I can’t drag you into the mess that I’m in. LA is a nightmare, and I can’t drag you into it, no matter what. You don’t want to be involved in that.”

She glances at me, and I offer her a one-shouldered, sad shrug. “As I explained to you, I’m stuck in it. Legally, I can’t get out, and I don’t know when that will ever become possible. I don’t want to let you go again, but I feel like I have to. I don’t think I have a choice in the matter. I can’t make you wait for me.”

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