Page 39 of Passion

Mom grabbed my hand and I snapped out of it. Her concern was etched on her forehead. “Vera, I’m worried that you’ll end up being hurt. That’s all I’m saying. A man who respects you lets you make your own decisions and doesn’t meddle.”

There was that word again—meddle. I had slung it at Lucas in the heat of an argument. He had told me he was concerned. It was all too similar to Mom’s story, and I began to feel overwhelmed by the weight of the coincidences. My peppermint was gone, and my stomach was still upset.

“Mom, I don't feel so well. I think I’m going to lie down for a while.” I stood, dropping my napkin across the untouched food on my plate. “Ella will get you anything you need. This afternoon, I can show you around the city if I’m feeling rested.”

I stumbled away without listening to her. She probably thought her words had gotten to me and I was changing my mind. I wasn’t—at least I didn’t think I was. Still, the way things happened so fast with Lucas had made me question everything I knew for a long time. It was only after the apartment turned out to be as horrible as he told me it was that I started to really believe he was right.

The air conditioning cooled me when I let myself in the back door. Before I hit the bottom of the steps, though, I was crying. I was happy with Lucas, so why would my mother try to convince me that he was a horrible person? I took the steps to the second floor and into the master bedroom, hoping to wash my face and lie down for a while, but Lucas was there. He turned to greet me.

“Hey, beautiful, I was just dressing to join you on the patio. I’m sorry I missed breakfast.” He moved toward me, and the closer he got the more he frowned. “Is everything okay?”

I blinked back more tears, but the few stubborn ones clinging to my lower eyelid broke free, sluicing down my cheeks. “No, it’s not okay.” I sat on the foot of the bed and swiped at the tears on my face.

“Hey, I’m here.” He sat down next to me and took my hand. “What is it?”

I thought I would projectile vomit right there. I was sad and angry and confused. I didn’t want him to touch me, but I wanted him to hold me at the same time. I didn’t know what I wanted.

“Why did you want to have sex with me that first night on the island?” I bit the inside of my cheek and refused to look up at him. I was terrified that he would lie to me, that I’d see it in his eyes. Mom had planted a seed in my head that Lucas wasn’t the man I thought he was and my hands shook with unspoken fears.

When his fingers touched the bottom of my chin and he forced me to look up at his eyes, I melted. “Vera, I know you had a lot to drink that night and you might not remember everything, but I promise that it was you who insisted on the sex. Of course, I didn’t deny you because you are an absolutely stunning woman whom I found very fascinating.”

Of course I initiated it. I was wasted and on the rebound. I closed my eyes, though he held my chin there so I was face to face with him, and tried to remember. Flashes of memories started coming back to me. I literally attacked him and put the moves on him.

“Remember me asking you if you were certain? I even told you I didn’t think you were coherent enough to consent. I didn’t want this to happen.”

My eyes shot open. “What to happen?” Panic flooded my being, making my already turbulent stomach do flips. Did he know I was pregnant?

“This… this doubting and questioning. If I thought for a single moment that you’d blame me for pressuring you, I’d have never even allowed you back to my room. I would never do that to you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He kissed me softly and brushed away a few tears, finally letting go of my chin. “I love you, Vera.”

“You what?” I stuttered, licking the kiss off my lips and studying his face.

“You heard me. I am in love with you, with your smile, your personality, your heart. I think your mind is incredible, and I don’t ever want you to leave me or be upset with me. So you tell me whatever it is that is bothering you, and I will fix it. I’ll move heaven and Earth to make you happy and your dreams come true.”

My heart swung wildly between the fear that this was all emotional manipulation and the desire to make him the happiest man on Earth by telling him I, too, loved him. I bit my tongue. Fear washed over me as my gut churned again. I looked into his eyes, craving the freedom to express everything I felt and the secret that weighed on my heart so heavily, but I sat there dumbstruck.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel that way yet.” He cupped my cheek and brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. “I will be patient, okay?”

I nodded, but more tears rebelled against my blinking eyes. I wanted to tell him so badly, but I was so afraid.

“And I don’t care what your mom says. She had her own experiences with a man who wasn’t me. I’m not that man. Alright?” He kissed me on the forehead and pulled me against his chest. “I will never hurt you or manipulate you. If you don’t want to be here, I will help you find a place. I will support you until you can manage on your own. I’m not here to force you into being dependent upon me.”

I pushed him away. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I heard the lies your mother was telling you about me, and you need to know it’s not true. I want you to be hugely successful, and I know you have this fierce independent streak. I love that about you. I want you to go places. That won’t happen if you?—”

“You were eavesdropping?” I recoiled, upset with him that he had the nerve to listen to our private conversation. It made me wonder if all of this was a lie.

“No, I wasn’t. I was headed out to sit with you when I realized how warm it was. I came back to put shorts on. Vera, look, her concerns have made you doubt me. Whatever I have to do to prove to you that I’m not who she thinks I am, I will do it. You say the word. Whatever reassurance you need or questions you have, you just ask.”

His expression was sincere, but I was overwhelmed. “Right now, I just need rest. I’m not feeling well. Maybe it was too hot outside.” I lied. I knew exactly why I wasn’t feeling well. “I just want to lie down.”

“You seem to be feeling ill a lot lately. Do you think we should get an appointment to get that checked out? I know a physician who does house calls.”

“No!” I choked back my own panic. “No. That’s okay. I’m sure it’s just dehydration.”

Lucas gave me a concerned and curious look and stood. He turned down the bed and patted the pillow. “Lie down, then. When you’re ready, I’ll be entertaining your mother. Let me know if you need a glass of water or something.”

I lay down, and he left me to myself, but I didn’t rest. All I could do was torture myself with guilt and fear. I wanted Lucas to be my fairy tale Prince Charming. But he was just a man like any other man. Even if he was keeping secrets and had a plan to force me to depend on him, I was no better. My secret was worse. Only, my secret would be exposed for what it was soon, and he could keep his indefinitely.

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