Page 14 of The Band Geek

I freeze by the door and turn around, glaring at her as an icy smile rests on her face. Of course this would have something to do with her. Why would I have ever thought it was something else?

“What did you do?” I ask, my voice low and serious.

“Oh, I was just protecting another girl,” Jessica innocently says, as if she was doing Rowen a service. “I thought she should know that you're just a player, and all you ever wanted was to use her like you used the rest of the squad.”

“Back the fuck off, Jessica,” I say in a voice more threatening than I thought it would be. “You don't know a goddamn thing about me or Rowan or our relationship.”

She stares at me with shock on her face for a moment, then she laughs and looks at her friends for support. “I don't care. The two of you don't belong together, and that's all. You should be thanking me. Soon enough, the entire school would see you with the geek, and your reputation would plummet.”

“My reputation? What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask, exasperated and exhausted with this vapid bullshit. “Look, just because you have to abide by these dumb societal standards doesn't mean everybody else does. I don't like you because you're a shallow bitch. You're nothing but a pretty face. In thirty years, that's all going to be gone, and you're going to be left as a hollow shell of a person constantly clinging to your youth. If I were you, I'd get a personality before it's too late.”

Her face is blank as she tries to process what I said, not believing someone would talk to her like that. She's gone her entire life skating by on her looks, and that's all she has. I walk away before she can say anything else, not needing to hear any more stupid excuses from her.

I skip classes today and go back home, fuming at the idea of someone like Jessica meddling in a potentially incredible relationship. I have strong feelings for Rowan, stronger than anything I've ever felt. I see a future with her and want to build on that if I can. I just don't know how to repair this.

“What's gotten into you?” Merrit asks as she sees me pacing back and forth in the living room, running my fingers through my hair.

I explain the entire situation without sparing any details, even letting her know that last night I took Rowan's virginity. Merrit isn't the kind of person who will spread this information to everybody at school. I know that what I tell her will be strictly confidential, and she won't even tell Talon about it.

“But I don't understand why Rowan lets Jessica get to her,” I say when I'm finished, shaking my head in confusion. “Rowan is the complete package. She's stunningly beautiful, and she's smart, witty. Jessica has nothing on her, and she has to know that, right?”

“If what Jessica said is true and she sent evidence of you hooking up with a bunch of different people, that might not instill a lot of confidence in her,” Merrit says, flashing me a reassuring smile as she offers advice. “She might think you were just using her for a good time. You have to show her that you're serious about her and that she's different from the other girls you hooked up with. Plus, if last night really was her first time, she was probably feeling very vulnerable, and you not being there when she woke up didn't help anything.”

“What am I supposed to do, then? She won't even talk to me.” I sigh, leaning back on the couch and racking my brain for anything I can do.

“Wait, I think I have an idea,” Merrit says, staring at me as if a light bulb just went off in her head.

I don't know what she has to say, but I’ll do anything to make it up to Rowan. But by the look on her face, I'm starting to get a little worried. I just hope whatever it is works.

TEN

“You know, maybe I can just drop the class?” I say to Corrinne as I sit across from her in our room and brainstorm ways to deal with this. It took her a good thrity minutes to come to terms with the fact that I slept with Sawyer Jackson, and after explaining everything, else we finally got to the nitty gritty. “I still have some time, and that's the only way I can see successfully avoiding him.”

“Okay, but your transcript is going to be shot after that. Plus, you know you shouldn't cower away from a guy like that,” she says, huffing at me and thinking deeply.

After twenty minutes, when neither of us comes up with a good solution, it's decided that I'm going to face the situation head-on. I'm going to be a strong woman and not back down. I'm going to stay in the class, and I'm going to continue working on the project alongside Sawyer, letting him know his actions don't actually affect me. It's a huge lie, but it's the only way I can imagine being around him without crying.

I head to the library the next day for our scheduled meetup to go over the project. The last time both of us were here, Sawyer's hands were between my legs, and I had one of the best orgasms of my life. It's a shame we won't be replaying that today.

Sawyer is already in the library waiting for me once again, and I walked to the table, setting my backpack down without any greeting. He doesn't say anything either.

A part of me expects him to be angry with me for shutting him out. I wouldn't even listen to his side of the story, which I know is not ideal in most situations. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't listen to him rationalize how he's screwed around with every girl on the cheerleading squad. I couldn't listen to him talk about how he got tired of them and moved on to the first new girl he could.

I worry that what the text message said was true, and Sawyer was only looking for a good time. He got what he came for, and everything between us will disappear.

“We only have two weeks left to finish this. We really need to start nailing down exactly what it is we'll be talking about,” Sawyer says when I sit down, being more serious about the project than he's been this entire time.

We start going over our bullet list of ideas, and it's hard for me to stay focused on the schoolwork. A tiny part of me is offended that he is so casual right now. It's only reinforcing all of the fears I had before thinking he was just using me. After about a half an hour of talking about our visual aid like nothing happened between us a couple of days ago, I've had enough.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Two days ago, you were begging for me to hear you out, and here I am right now, and you don't have a goddamn thing to say?” My voice is loud, and I don't do anything to lower it. Sawyer looks at me as if in shock at me raising my voice in the library, but I don't care. I'm well beyond caring. “You're sweeping everything under the rug like none of that mattered to you.”

My voice cracks, and I feel my throat aching like I'm going to start sobbing. Sawyer stares at me and shakes his head, not even opening his mouth to say anything. Instead, he lifts his shirt, which is a very confusing thing for me to see right now. I shake my head and back away, not understanding right away, but then I see the raw red skin with a name etched into it. My name.

“You got my name tattooed?” I asked in a hushed voice, surprised by how much I like the idea of this. “You didn't have to do that.”

“I did. I needed to show you that you mean more to me than any other girl,” Sawyer says, lowering his shirt and reaching his hand across the table to grab mine. “All those other girls, they're in the past.Youare the only person I would do this for.”

A tear streams down my cheek, and I wipe it on my shoulder while I smile at him. I have to believe what he's saying is true. This is a sign of commitment from him that I wasn't expecting, but it proves I'm wrong about him.

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