Page 52 of The Lost Art of Seducing a Mage Warrior

Perian was going to have to say this out loud, wasn’t he? He cleared his throat, which felt raw and a bit bruised.

“I guess I could have been more clear about what I like and don’t like. I don’t enjoy pain, either giving or receiving. I mean, a little tap on my ass like you did earlier was totally fine, but that didn’t actually hurt, you know, it was just a sensation, and I’m not—”

Brannal partially reached out his hand, an aborted motion, but it at least cut off Perian’s rambling.

“I’m sorry,” Brannal said, voice low and rough. “I, uh, was a little overwhelmed, and I overreacted. I don’t like pain in the bedroom either.”

“You like pain outside of the bedroom?”

Brannal shot him an unamused look.

“Too soon for humor, right, sorry,” Perian said quickly.

“Stop apologizing,” Brannal said tersely. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“Are you all right?” Perian asked.

He didn’t sound all right. It seemed like something they’d been doing had triggered Brannal, and it was not good at all.

Brannal sucked in a ragged breath. “I think maybe I need to get some air.”

“All right,” Perian said carefully. “I’m assuming you don’t want company?”

He made it a question in case he was reading this wrong, but Brannal shook his head hurriedly, scrambling for clothes with a distinct lack of his normal coordination.

“No, no, I’ll be fine. I’ll just… I’ll just get some air.”

Perian nodded because he didn’t know what else to do.

“Right. No problem. I’ll just be here. Unless—” Oh, Perian really was an idiot, and he hurriedly offered, “Shall I go? This is your room. I can definitely find somewhere else to sleep. I should—I should definitely do that.”

Perian shouldn’t be asking the man he’d clearly traumatized in some way if he wanted to deal with Perian in his space. Only then Brannal approached the bed again and reached out to lightly squeeze Perian’s arm.

“Stay,” he said. “Please. I’d feel better if you stayed here.”

That was really clear, so Perian nodded. Brannal pulled on the rest of his clothes, gave a sort of awkward inclination of his head, and then he was gone.

Perian blew out a breath and sank back onto the bed and tried to wrap his brain around what had gone from the very best sexual experience of his life to the worst. He didn’t blame Brannal, now that he knew it hadn’t been intentional, but he hated whatever had happened that had made Brannal react that way.

Eventually, Perian rose, cleaned himself up, and remade the bed, because he didn’t want Brannal to be confronted with potential bad memories when he got back. It grew later and later, the sun setting, full darkness coming on, and it finally occurred to Perian that Brannal might not be coming back tonight—and he might have asked Perian to stay here so he would know Perian wasn’t anywhere else.

It was a very long and very sleepless night.

The sun rose eventually, and so did Perian. It was hard to feel both horrible about the part he had played in what had happened and entirely sorry for himself, but he was apparently managing it. Perian cleaned himself again, hoping that would somehow make up for the fact that he hadn’t slept, but his eyes still felt gritty and his head as though it had been stuffed with cotton. He dressed without his normal care, didn’t even change the beads in his hair, and then headed into the sitting room. He was too early for breakfast, apparently, and he couldn’t bear the thought of either eating it alone or eating it with Brannal after what had happened, not if there was the same discomfort as last night.

He left, made it halfway down the corridor and then went back for the blankets, because he didn’t want to have to return later. He briefly contemplated finding one of those runners and asking for help to move his belongings to a guest room, but he managed to push away the impulse. Maybe that would be the best solution after what had happened, but whatever the reasoning behind it, Brannal had asked him to stay last night. They should actually discuss this before Perian made any decisions.

At the very least, Perian should wait until he was less sleep-deprived. He wandered aimlessly for a little while, got a number of strange looks from the people he passed, and finally found himself in the library. The shelves of books seemed oppressive this morning, like they were staring at him and judging him for making a mess of everything. He wondered if he’d read enough of them, or if he’d found therightone, he’d somehow have been able to avoid whatever it was he’d done yesterday that had made such a mess of everything.

He didn’t think there was a book here entitledHow Not to Be an Idiot, Perian. Seriously, What’s Wrong with You?

Eventually, after wandering the shelves, mostly staring at nothing, Perian dragged himself up into the window embrasure, wrapped one of the blankets around himself and stared into space. He might have dozed fitfully, but the changing light through the window thankfully made him realize it was nearing lunchtime. He feared he wouldn’t be good company today, but he thought it might be worse to just sit here listlessly, never mind disappointing Renny.

Perian was already a disappointment to one of the most important people in his life today. He didn’t need to make it two, did he?

With a sigh, he made himself move, folding up the blankets again and climbing down from the window embrasure. He reminded himself it wasn’t that long ago that he hadn’t even known Brannal, so this really shouldn’t be affecting him so much, should it? That really didn’t work. Because it wasn’t how long you knew someone, it was the impact they had on you, and Brannal and Renny had definitely made a resounding impact.

Perian thought he had made an impact too, or was making one, only now he feared it was entirely the wrong kind. He huffed out a breath and hurried towards the kitchen. He could at least remember to get the food this time, could try to have everything go as smoothly as possible, and although he would definitely not spill all of the details to Renny, if she asked how he was, he could admit that he wasn’t feeling great today.

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