Page 34 of The Catalyst

Fuck my life.

CHAPTER 15

BETH

Irush upstairs and hurry into Nigel's room, fear rushing through my body. I didn't expect to run into Oliver when I left this room. I thought I could go outside, get some fresh air and have an emotional reset of some kind. I just needed something other than staying in a state of panic.

He was there though and instead of telling me to deal with it like I expected from a beast like him, he was kind and made me feel…safe and protected. I felt like nothing bad could touch me and I haven't felt like that since before Shawn died.

I run to the bathroom, grab my toothbrush and work on getting the gunk out of my mouth.

Okay. I need to think logically. Nigel isn't going to let me go. He made that clear earlier when I tried to leave and he did what he did to me. Contrary to what others might think, I don't want Nigel to die, which I'm sure is what will happen if I tell Oliver what actually happened. He looked too serious when he said he would make sure that Nigel never did that to me again.

Nigel did something absolutely horrible that deep down I know my heart will never be able to fully forgive, but for my own sanity, I'm going to have to lock it away in a box.

First, I have to make sure he knows I won't tolerate it happening.

I rinse my mouth and walk out of the bathroom, sitting on the chair in the corner of his room. This way he can't ambush me from behind.

I wait and wait and nearly an hour passes before the bedroom door opens. It moves slowly until Nigel steps through, rubbing his stomach as if it's an absent-minded thing he does.

His gaze finds me and he gives me a stiff smile. "Babe, come on. Let's go to bed." He takes a step toward me and my body stiffens back against the chair, my nails digging into the arms. He stops and I watch his expression fall. "Butterfly," he starts, but doesn't add onto the nickname he gave me.

It’s now or never, Beth.

I look him in the eye as tears keep falling down my face. I'm not going to hide the torment I feel from what he did to me. He needs to see the damage. "I won't stand for what you did to me, Nigel," my voice cracks, my lip trembling. "If…If you ever…."I trail off, closing my eyes for a moment so I don’t start sobbing again. "If you ever do that to me again, I will turn you in and I'll leave. I'll go so far away from here you won't ever be able to find me. I'll tell everyone what you did." My entire face shakes as I tuck my legs under the oversized t-shirt. "How…how…How could you do that…to me?" My voice breaks and I drop my head so I can try to get myself back under control.

My brain is split between keeping my sights on Nigel and trying to keep some sense of dignity. I feel like I've lost so much of myself with what he did and the fact that he won't let me leave and wash my hands of him. I guess sometimes all one can do is hold themselves tight and cry for everything lost and everything that will never be found.

"Baby…Butterfly," Nigel whispers and I feel his arms pull me out of the chair. He takes me in his arms and instinctively I try to push him off of me, but his arms tighten. He doesn't let me escape him, even as he kisses my temple. "It won't happen again, I promise."

I've heard those exact words before, words repeated on Lifetime movies from the mouths of actors portraying abusers, words my mother has said to me dozens of times.

It won't happen again.

I'm sorry.

If you had only done this, I wouldn't have felt the need to do that.

It's all the same recycled bullshit lines of manipulation, but I also know it's the best I'm going to get out of him. Nigel isn't sorry for what he did, but I put the events of tonight in a lockbox in the back of my mind to ignore and eventually forget. If he keeps his word, which I doubt he will, I won't ever have to tap into it again.

That's wishful thinking.

I wrap my arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder, secretly hoping it was a man with dead eyes and bathed in the scent of pine, sandalwood, and cologne holding me as I cry until I forget.

CHAPTER 16

BETH

Iwake up to Nigel’s arm tightening around my waist and his face buried in my hair. I doubt he’s awake because his breathing is still even, but there’s something about waking up in his arms after everything that happened last night that almost makes me tear up.

I’ve conceded that I’m not running from him anymore. I’m his, and he’s mine. That's not going to change, even though I want it to.

* * *

“What in God’sname is wrong with you!” my mom screams as I sit on the couch, completely unashamed. I knew it would come to this. The confrontation could only be delayed for so long. She saw enough to know what’s going on in my life, and I can’t blame her for freaking out. As far as she knows, a random guy carted me off like I was his property, and she hasn’t seen me since. Granted, it’s been a day and a half, and any parent in their right mind would lose their head, but this reaction from her is…unexpected. I figured she’d slap me for whoring myself out, and I’d disappear to my room until school tomorrow. Then, I’d be carted off by Nigel again, leaving her to drown in her booze.

“Answer me, Bethany! How could you just run off with that hood rat?” she sneers at me, and I return her scowl tenfold.

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